I don't know what to do...

[the lost one]

I hope this is the right place to put this if not let me know where it goes. Ok my story (may be long) Almost three years ago I met a guy where I worked. We became good friends fast. Then he asked me out, we dated for almost 6 months. I fell in love with him and thought he felt the same, at the time he was getting his devorce finaliesed and I knew this may be a hard relationship but I was ready to try. More things made this relationship hard is the fact that both of us are sufering from depression as well. Well after 6 months of seeing each other he started to pull away from me then one night he said that he was not sure what he wanted any more. I understand his feeling this way after all he has been through (his X and not getting to see his son because of her) even though it was hard I said ok and we went back as friends, I just loved him in silence. I left that job not long after because of the contract ran out that I was on. Not having that job did not bother me near as bad as not going to see him every day (the job was in MO and I live in IL) ever since he called it off I spend most of my time crying and my depression has gotten worse. We still e-mail and use IM and he gave me his Address, but it has now been almost two years since I have heard his voice let alone seen him. Its killing me and I don't know what to do, he has been having more problems with his depression as well so I feel like I can't tell him that one of the resons I am so depressed is that I can not remember what his voice sounds like. I think that is what hurts me the most right now its like I am losing him altogether. And do to his depression he some times goes into hiding and does not come on line for weeks at a time sometimes its months at a time. I worry a lot about him he has tried to kill himself once alredy I don't think I could make it if he did do that. I am a single mom and in the 3 years I have knowen his he has been like a dad to my daughter, he has her pic in his wallet and tells every one that he has three kids his tow boys and my daughter. and even now when he IMs me some times he brings up how good we where together so its like he still thinks of me that way, but then he goes away again and I am left on my own again. My heart hurts so bad I miss him, they way we where but most of all I miss him for the friend his was to me. I have not just lost my love I have lost my best friend. I don't know what to do still tell him I love him with every email and message I send. I am not ready to give up on him I don't think I could do that even if I had to but I am afraid that if all this goes on much longer I may have a braek down. Can any one help me with what I should do.

Lost and crying

[pcardoso]

Hi,

 

I wish I had an answer or a magic receipt to stop your pain. I know it's hard to forget a strong love and the one we love, but I think in this moment the most important person is you. You have to take care of yourself, treat that depression and perhaps consider on stopping all the contact, even e-mails, with him.

 

Good luck

[the lost one]

But I can not just forget him and go on if I could I would not be here. But I do want to thank you for replying (and the one who sent me the Email ) I am being treated for the depression ( meds and connceling) but to stop conntact with him is not an option it would do more harm than good to both of us. He has told me I am the only one that cares what happens to him, if I stoped talking to him all togher he may just think I don't care he has tryed to kill himself before. And if I found out he did because he thought no one cared about him I would have no one to blame but me. And as far as me I don't think my mind would hold up for more that a day or two. I guess I am not looking at how to forget him just how to cope with all the pain and feelings I have. When we talk I feel really good and things go ok for me for a few days after, its just when I don't here from him for weeks or months that I begain to lose it. I just need better coping skills. I am sorry if this upsets any one if it does just say so and I will bother you no more. But I do thank you for trying to help.

lost

[pcardoso]

Hi,

 

Fist of all, you don't have to apologize for what you think.

I can't say I know what you've been trough and hopefully I wish never will, but I can imagine the pain.

If stop the contact it's not an option then you will have to "busy your mind" with something else. I know it sounds a cliché but you have to find an hobby, new friends, exercise, …, whatever makes feel you good. You never know when he will contact you and you can't "hang" your life on it, otherwise you'll be more and more lost.

 

I understand this is more easier to say than done (and sometimes I wish I could listen my own advises). I can only say that you have my support and wish you all the luck in this world.

[the lost one]

Thank you for understanding how I feel. I know you are right about keeping my mind doing other things and I am trying that. but as you said its not easy to do. My mind seems to be a chain reaction in every thing I do it still comes right back to him no matter what. Right now I am trying to get my doc to switch my med caues it is not working at all in fact I am feeling worse now that I am on it. I am just so scard right now my anixety is so bad right now ( the meds are causing most of that) it seems like more and more problems are coming donw on me with no sign of it letting up. I know I need to get my depression taken care of so I can be around for My daughter and for him when they need me and I am trying but it seems to be a cetch 22 the more problems that come the worse the depression, the worse the depression the more problems come. some times I can not even see the tunel let alone the light at the end. I thank you for the kindness I have been showen here and the offers of help. My moods have been so wired as of late one minet I am ok the next I'm crying the next I am hitting the wall. ( again I think the med has a lot to do with that.) One of the few times I can get my mind off all this is when I work. So I am trying to find some thing at home that can do the same for me, nothing yet but I am trying.

[pcardoso]

Hi again,

 

I think you should talk to your doctor as soon as possible, and try to find new meds, since the one we are taken are letting you worst.

About you're feelings, believe me you're not alone. I truly understand what you feel and for strange may it seems I found some peace in these forums. We are all different but at the same time we all have the same problems, thoughts, anxiety and feels go to have some support.

 

Hang in there.

[mcfcrule_18]

Hi,

 

i cant say i know how you are feeling because i dont and i really hope i never will. I think you should listen to 'pcardoso', you need to take your mind off him, do some hobbies, he'll come around when he is ready. Also i think the answers to your questions are in your daughter, try to consider what she thinks and what she wants. It will be hurting her growing up knowing that her mother is depressed and is waiting for this 'guy' to make another impression in both of your lives.

 

Try and do what is right for you and your daughter, then the rest will 'hopefully' fall into place.

 

P.S. Sorry if the advice is no good

[ivymisstress88]

What to say. I wish i could just somehow go through this thing and give you a hug. Just something to stop you from hurting. Look at your daughter. She loves you. I'll bet anything. She wants her mum, not someone who's always sad and wanting something more. She could be your heavensent you know. And, maybe you just need to get to this guy in person and talk to him. Be delicate. You're both hurting. You're both reflections of eachother. Look at something you both love. Your daughter. You gotta just let him know how your feeling. Take that risk of telling him. If he runs away, then you just have to chase after him. If he gets to home base, then, you just have to go and look for the other people playing hide-and-seek with you. You just have to remember that you're important. To you're daughter. Just keep looking for him. If he won't come out, then you'll just have to try to go on. It's the hardest thing anyone has to do, but it helps when someone's there with you

Praying that I helped you

 

Ivy

[the lost one]

Hi I know I have not been here in a while, but thought I would drop in and let you all know I thank you all for your replys. They have helped me some in knowing that some one cares what is going on and trying to help me find my way to cope. . I would like to let you all know that I am on a different med now that seem to help me stay calm and lets me think clearer. I am still in love with this man and trying to get him to see that. I know I am not ready to give up on him, and I am trying to set up a time for me to make the two hour drive so we can talk. He has talked to me more in the past month so I am taking that as a good sign. I know the questions I have only he can answer. It sounds bad that I need a med to get through the pain in my heart but I will do what I have to do. Now I have to work on getting us in the same place to talk, I won't lie I am scard of what his answers will be but if there is even a small chance that we can be back together I have to try. Thank you all again.