the lost one

Hi I know I have not been here in a while, but thought I would drop in and let you all know I thank you all for your replys. They have helped me some in knowing that some one cares what is going on and trying to help me find my way to cope. . I would like to let you all know that I am on a different med now that seem to help me stay calm and lets me think clearer. I am still in love with this man and trying to get him to see that. I know I am not ready to give up on him, and I am trying to set up a time for me to make the two hour drive so we can talk. He has talked to me more in the past month so I am taking that as a good sign. I know the questions I have only he can answer. It sounds bad that I need a med to get through the pain in my heart but I will do what I have to do. Now I have to work on getting us in the same place to talk, I won't lie I am scard of what his answers will be but if there is even a small chance that we can be back together I have to try. Thank you all again.

Thank you for understanding how I feel. I know you are right about keeping my mind doing other things and I am trying that. but as you said its not easy to do. My mind seems to be a chain reaction in every thing I do it still comes right back to him no matter what. Right now I am trying to get my doc to switch my med caues it is not working at all in fact I am feeling worse now that I am on it. I am just so scard right now my anixety is so bad right now ( the meds are causing most of that) it seems like more and more problems are coming donw on me with no sign of it letting up. I know I need to get my depression taken care of so I can be around for My daughter and for him when they need me and I am trying but it seems to be a cetch 22 the more problems that come the worse the depression, the worse the depression the more problems come. some times I can not even see the tunel let alone the light at the end. I thank you for the kindness I have been showen here and the offers of help. My moods have been so wired as of late one minet I am ok the next I'm crying the next I am hitting the wall. ( again I think the med has a lot to do with that.) One of the few times I can get my mind off all this is when I work. So I am trying to find some thing at home that can do the same for me, nothing yet but I am trying.

But I can not just forget him and go on if I could I would not be here. But I do want to thank you for replying (and the one who sent me the Email ) I am being treated for the depression ( meds and connceling) but to stop conntact with him is not an option it would do more harm than good to both of us. He has told me I am the only one that cares what happens to him, if I stoped talking to him all togher he may just think I don't care he has tryed to kill himself before. And if I found out he did because he thought no one cared about him I would have no one to blame but me. And as far as me I don't think my mind would hold up for more that a day or two. I guess I am not looking at how to forget him just how to cope with all the pain and feelings I have. When we talk I feel really good and things go ok for me for a few days after, its just when I don't here from him for weeks or months that I begain to lose it. I just need better coping skills. I am sorry if this upsets any one if it does just say so and I will bother you no more. But I do thank you for trying to help. lost

I hope this is the right place to put this if not let me know where it goes. Ok my story (may be long) Almost three years ago I met a guy where I worked. We became good friends fast. Then he asked me out, we dated for almost 6 months. I fell in love with him and thought he felt the same, at the time he was getting his devorce finaliesed and I knew this may be a hard relationship but I was ready to try. More things made this relationship hard is the fact that both of us are sufering from depression as well. Well after 6 months of seeing each other he started to pull away from me then one night he said that he was not sure what he wanted any more. I understand his feeling this way after all he has been through (his X and not getting to see his son because of her) even though it was hard I said ok and we went back as friends, I just loved him in silence. I left that job not long after because of the contract ran out that I was on. Not having that job did not bother me near as bad as not going to see him every day (the job was in MO and I live in IL) ever since he called it off I spend most of my time crying and my depression has gotten worse. We still e-mail and use IM and he gave me his Address, but it has now been almost two years since I have heard his voice let alone seen him. Its killing me and I don't know what to do, he has been having more problems with his depression as well so I feel like I can't tell him that one of the resons I am so depressed is that I can not remember what his voice sounds like. I think that is what hurts me the most right now its like I am losing him altogether. And do to his depression he some times goes into hiding and does not come on line for weeks at a time sometimes its months at a time. I worry a lot about him he has tried to kill himself once alredy I don't think I could make it if he did do that. I am a single mom and in the 3 years I have knowen his he has been like a dad to my daughter, he has her pic in his wallet and tells every one that he has three kids his tow boys and my daughter. and even now when he IMs me some times he brings up how good we where together so its like he still thinks of me that way, but then he goes away again and I am left on my own again. My heart hurts so bad I miss him, they way we where but most of all I miss him for the friend his was to me. I have not just lost my love I have lost my best friend. I don't know what to do still tell him I love him with every email and message I send. I am not ready to give up on him I don't think I could do that even if I had to but I am afraid that if all this goes on much longer I may have a braek down. Can any one help me with what I should do. Lost and crying