littlelamb Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 ...move on, heal, and get over your ex? Over the past year since my break up, I've read a lot on these boards about "moving on" (including Boomshine's amazing post on the topic) before a reconciliation can successfully happen. I really believe that reconciliations can only be successfully if both parties grow, mature, and change during their time apart. I took the advice of people on ENA and moved house, quit my job, started the grad school program of my dreams, changed my hair, made lots of new friends, started running, and doing volunteer work. My ex still doesn't have any interest in being with me, (I kind of suspect he strongly dislikes me) but I'm trying to focus on working on myself. I thought it might be helpful to share specific things that helped us cope with the end of a relationship, get back on our feet and feel better. So, for those out there who split up and got back together, or those who split up and haven't gotten back together yet, what has helped you most to move on? Hobbies, sports, new activities? Music? Therapy? Any books you'd recommend reading? Thanks guys! Link to comment
shessofly Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 it seems like you are doing all the right things. what are your thoughts like? do you still let them dwell on him alot? do you still daydream about what could be? i don't know your story, but i do know that along with what you are doing, if you aren't doing it for yourself and your future first and foremost it may not be helpful in getting over your ex. do it without him in mind, just for yourself. have you gone on any dates? i'm in month three of a breakup. complete nc for the past 2 months. it has been the most painful breakup i have ever had and i did not think it could be worse than the last one. i have found that with not allowing my thoughts to dwell on the breakup, the what ifs, and dreams of him showing up on my doorstep, the pain, though still there, is not as prominent. it's hard though and i haven't conquered it entirely, but i think getting a life has been instrumental for me. now if i can just get these thoughts under control. are you still in contact with him? Link to comment
sharky988 Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 I reconciled and there was NO growth, no moving on, no maturing and no changing whatsoever..... really! What happened was this: the dumper changed their mind. The dumpee agreed to give the dumper another chance. That's it. No growth or moving on required, by either of us! And yeah, we didn't take it slow or create a *new relationship* or any of that junk, either, just jumped right back in. And we stayed together for many (18+) years... Just goes to show those sacred "get your ex back" rules don't necessarily fly in real life! What's helped me move on from other relationships where we didn't reconcile? The most helpful thing for me has usually been intense daily exercise. Really throwing myself into a running program or serious workouts at the gym. That's the only thing that's helped me actually *feel* better.... until I reach a point where I'm ready to start dating other people. A new crush definitely helps with feeling better *and* moving on from someone. Link to comment
CF-35 Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 time heals all, I know it sounds cliche but really it's true I dont' think there is much you can do to shorten the healing time. Maybe try casually dating if you're ready I've found that when I'm with other girls I don't really think about my ex. Link to comment
littlelamb Posted September 29, 2013 Author Share Posted September 29, 2013 Thanks for all your comments everyone! Shessofly--yes, I do think about him often, probably every day. He was my best friend, and I still miss him. I spent a lot of time after the break up considering what my role in it had been, and how to correct negative behaviour patterns. How do you stop thinking about someone? We are only ever in sporadic contact. He called me at Christmas and on my birthday. The last time we were in touch, he was angry and cold with me, so I don't think we'll speak again. I've posted an abbreviated version of my tale so you can have some more background info on it, in a post titled "What to make of this" (this forum won't let me post links...) Would be interested to have your thoughts on the situation! Getting a life--one just for me, not him, has helped a lot. I'm starting a book club this autumn, and meeting lots of new people through my grad school program. And sharky988 has just inspired me to go hit the gym later today... Link to comment
JagzOrDaFlash Posted September 29, 2013 Share Posted September 29, 2013 I guess just giving up has helped me =/ Link to comment
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