No Title As of Yet -Comments/Criticism Always Appreciated-

[mymelancholysoul]

I was born Nicole

Though they tend to call me Nikki

Did I mention I hate that?

I like to be different

But everyone different

Is exactly the same

I'm sixteen

No, seventeen

One year older

One year closer to death

Just like Kurt Cobain

Or maybe I won't end it all

I don't have a gun anyway

Someone once said

Ignorance is bliss

Maybe they had the right idea

We should all walk around

With ears and eyes covered

This way when I screw up

Like I always seem to do

You won't notice or care

If nobody could stop me but me

I probably wouldn't care what you think

But I do

And you love that power

Why do I have to be

Proud to be an American,

Where at least I know I'm free?

I'm not free

You aren't free either

Your a slave to society and media

Not that I'm any better

They call me an aethiest

And an anarchist

Maybe they're right

Because I don't think with the whole

I don't pretend to care

People die

Thats life

Move on with yours

If you know whats good for you

You know whats good for me?

Not Chicken Soup for the Soul

Chocolate

My friend, my enemy

Just like my scale

I hate this look

If I were a model

Id be anorexic

If I were anorexic

Id probably have better things to do

Than write this

Because then Id be cool

I hate that word

Who's cool anymore

Well obviously not me

Or even you for that matter

Were losers

Thank God

But I really don't believe in God

So why am I thanking him

Mysteries of life

Just like ghosts

I wish I were a ghost

I wouldn't waste my time

Haunting people like you

But you aren't a waste of time

Not really any way

Your so cold

Keep your hand in mine

Those are words to live by

I live by myself

In my own little world

Thats in my own little head

Where no one pretends

Its magic

I love magic

No, not that card game

The real stuff

Like doves and velvet hats

Exploitation of magicians

Must be hard to make a living nowadays

But what would I know about living

I'm just a kid

And life is unfair

Not that life's supposed to be fair

People who think that

Need more help than I do

I don't really need help

People just think I do

Even I think I do

But life isn't that crumby

In our family portrait

We look pretty happy

Too bad photographs aren't real

Then maybe I would have something

To smile about for a change

Change

Money

I need money

I could get a job

But I don't have the time

I have plenty of time

And no time at all

The world is so confusing

I wish I were Alice,

Then I could live in Wonderland

And caterpillars would talk to me

And flowers would sing

Like being on an acid trip

Not that I would know

I'm a good girl

I don't do drugs

But I would

I would do LSD

I only drink

Who doesn't love something

Stronger than chocolate milk

We don't even have chocolate milk

Just chocolate drink

Which is gross by the way

Thanks a lot mom

This world is so commercial

Everything is plastic

And were all going to die

Wurtzel is my Goddess

God is Dog just spelled backwards

Someone was real clever with that one

How am I supposed to follow

Someone who can't spell their name right

This is so confusing

Just like shoe laces

And candy canes

The stripes

The madness

Now everything is spinning

Have to stop popping pills

Not those kinds of pills, silly

I already told you I was a good little girl

Next thing you know

Ill be on the floor

Saying redrum over and over again

Yes I'm that crazy

Looney

Batty

Off my rocker

The lights are on but nobody's home

THIS SPACE FOR RENT

Story of my life

Everyone selling themselves

To society

While I sell myself

Like an over-the-counter drug

Take me as I am

Don't crush or chew me

I'm the best pill there is

A straight shot

A quick swallow

No pain involved

 

 

No title as of yet

[TheIrish]

Another case of Voices in the head; schizophrenia...

[Jimbo10]

I can see you worked hard, but this is auful negative. Cheer up!

[melrich]

This is interesting, you have attempted a style of stream of consciousness but it is a bit too predictable...like you have a foot in both camps. i would advise you to go with one or the other. Keep it up.

[Kaspa]

I think you would make a good writer, lol, you knwo like those odd cool crazy kinda books, that i like ot read, lol. Any ways also sounds negative, not quite sure what to tell u tho cuz im not quite sure waht ur problem is. sorry, maybe more specific detila woud help.

[under_the_pressure]

Personally, I liked it.

 

under*

[Vacuum]

i enjoyed it,

 

name it My melancholy soul,

 

i like the chocolate drink part, the cobain part could be left out

[mymelancholysoul]

Thanks for the replies kidlets =)

 

The whole....foot in both doors concept is intended. I'm quite the indecisive person when it all comes down to it.

 

The Kurt Cobain reference goes back a long ways and a few close friends understand the meaning. I don't want to go into detail, but there is a purpose.

 

This piece wasn't really meant to be negative. Its just me, lol, and I get a huge kick out of reading it.

 

As for a title...I was thinking:

-Seventeen

or

-This Space For Rent

 

I don't know, for some reason I am having a tough time titling this piece. Odd. Thanks for the comments and criticism. If you have anything else you would like to say, post it here or just PM.

 

---Nicole

[takingupspaces]

(yay the cool poem again) i really don't think its too negitive at all, it just life and ramdom thoughts linked together with the mind of whoever it is from. The poem is logical but whimsical, warped but serious. plus i like Vacuum's idea to name it after your user name it kinda sums everything up nicely

[asdf]

it's got quite a dark tone, and i usually don't tend to like poems focused on self pity or misery, but on a purely analytical point of view, it's a very well done poem. it's got very sophisticated meter in some parts. good similies and a nice touch of sarcasm in places. definitely one of the better things i've read in a while