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I started hooking up with this guy about two weeks ago, and he says he really likes me but he's very busy every day (we're in college and he has more classes than me and more extracurricular activities). He also has to go to bed early and I always stay up late and sleep late. We've slept together twice but after the last time we decided we shouldn't for a while, because it was way too soon, but we want to get to know each other better. The other day we had a dinner date and he didn't show up and didn't call until an hour and a half later. We finally had dinner tonight, and afterwards we were cuddling together and I said "We should take a nap together sometime." He said, "Well you could just crawl into bed with me when I'm sleeping." I'd really like to do that, but I don't want him to think I just jump at the chance to do whatever he wants me to do and he can just expect me to show up whenever he says and he can just blow me off and I'll still be at his beck and call.

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Eh. Yeah, either choice would send the wrong message, in my opinion. Which of you first had the idea that you shouldn't sleep together anymore? Eh, doesn't matter. You shouldn't have even accepted this second date without making him beg.


You basically should ignore him until he calls you. The whole "let's take a nap together" comment is a signal that you're falling for him pretty hard. To even entertain the idea of crawling into bed with him after he's asleep could appear sort of desperate to him. How would that work, exactly. He'd say, "alright, I'm going to sleep, give me about 15 minutes, then you can come in?" His saying that seems like a way to say, "no i don't want to take a nap with you because that would mean you'd want to have sex again and I don't want to lead you on anymore." That is kind of demeaning, agree? So much so that he probably said it just because he thinks you wouldn't do it.


Make him pursue you, instead of the other way around. People have a way of prioritizing the things that are most important to them. If he was really into you, he'd make time to see you.

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you know once he says "crawl into bed with me when i'm sleeping" he's going to be taking more naps with the sole purpose of hoping you take him up on the offer. that might be one scenario, the other would be he was just joking in response to you saying you guys should nap together, because he's probably never heard of anything like that before. at least i haven't

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thanks for your replies everyone... beanpaper, what you said was really blunt and to the point, and at first i disregarded it because it hurt to read, but after reading it again i realized you pointed out some stuff i was in denial about. i do think the idea of us sleeping together is more innocent than you think, and i could tell he wasn't joking, we actually talked about it a bit more than that but i can't remember the exact words; it's just that he usually goes to bed around midnight and i don't go to bed til 2 or 3, so he said when you feel like passing out just pass out here instead of there (since we live in the same building). i was sort of thinking/hoping he might have been trying to turn this into more of a relationship kind of thing, waking up together and such. but, heeding your advice, i won't be doing that, at least not tonight. it's going to be difficult, but i've got this addictive forum to distract me.


the other problem with us is that he flirts with other girls, like a lot. he's really touchy feely and always gives massages, cuddles with our mutual friends in front of me, that kind of thing. i wanted to talk to him about it but i feel like it's way too early to start being all jealous and relationshippy... but it bothers me seeing him touching other girls, even if it's not blatantly sexual, and i feel like there's nothing that distinguishes me from them in his mind except that i was the one that bit.


i know this sounds like an obvious "dump the dickhead" situation, but i'm really comfortable with him, when we actually get to spend time together, and he's really funny, and there's just something about how we interact that makes me think this might be worth trying for. but i guess i should start letting him seek me out, see if it even happens?

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Sorry that what I said hurt. Especially in light of this new information about him flirting with girls and getting cuddly right in front of you, I agree that you should see if he tries to seek you out.


If you continue to pursue him and he doesn't respond, you'll only be humiliated. You've already given him reason enough to know that you'd be interested if he came around, so try and just let him take over the iniative. Good luck!

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First let me say it doesnt get easier as you get older and recently I had to take the advice I am about to give you. There is a new book out called He's Not That Interested. READ it! truly was an excellent book that gave me a new perspective. Recently I went through something similar. I met someone that was in my opinion "the one" We slept together. Then we were supposed to get together and he hedged and postponed. Then he was supposed to take me out to dinner and he never called or showed up for two days. Meanwhile I had spent over one hundred dollars getting ready for this so called dinner. (Hair, nails, outfit) As much as I wanted to send him an email blasting him - I resisted. I was extremely hurt but as confused by his behaviour as I was I was dressed up anyway and I took myself out for dinner. The owner of the restaurant asked what I was doing having dinner by myself and I almost cried. However, I instead held my head up high and and told him I am single and eat out alone often. The result? He took me out after for dessert. Then when I got home I contacted all the guys I had put on hold for "the one" and made dates. "The one" decided since I hadnt contacted him to ask what happened, he would grace me with a phone call. Imagine he wants to see me! Well he's a little late as I have plans with different people Friday, Sunday, and next week. It was tremendously difficult not to jump right back with him however it is about trust, respect and desire. I accommodated him way too much in the beginning and no longer trust him. If he really desires and respects me he will win back my trust. In the meantime I'm not sitting around waiting for him. Which brings me to my point for you. DONT wait for him! A moving target is far more interesting. There can be no doubt that he knows how you feel about him and he has not reciprocated appropriately. You deserve to be in a mutually respectful relationship! I strongly suggest that you dont walk - you run from this situation and maybe just maybe then he will realise what he is missing BUT if he doesnt it will free you up to meet the right person for you. And Never ever put up with a guy flirting in front of your face it is an insult and completely disrespectful.


I wish you good luck and all the best!!!

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