He tells me I am emotionally unstable...

[brokenhearted1]

So, stupidly I recently decided to give an ex of mine another chance. I felt before that he would regularly tear me down. I am a recent college graduate, and unemployed. He doesn't have a high school education or GED, but he does work. But he would make underhanded comments about the fact that I don't work or how I have so much free time.

 

He was at my place today, and kept making rude comments to me. I asked him to take an empty pizza box to the dumpster and he looked and me and goes "you do it." There were a few other comments that got made, and I asked him if I'd done something to make him wanna be rude to me. He wouldn't say a word, and I got really frustrated. After some back and forth things he told me I let my kids get away with too much stuff.

 

I told him it's none of his business how I parent, and if it doesn't affect him he doesn't need to say anything, and that there was another time and place for that anyways. He goes to the bathroom, but leave the door open and the light off. I walked back there to see what he was doing and he was doing something on his phone. I walked off, and then walked back there a few seconds later, and he was on his phone again. I asked him why does he need to go to the bathroom to get on his phone. He started laughing in my face...

 

I felt hurt, I am upset and here he is laughing. I sat down, and cried and he started saying stuff like it's so hard to talk to you when you are so emotional. Then he goes...are you really that emotionally unstable, so I told him to get the f**k out. He acts like I acted so crazy, but I felt I had taken enough, and with already being upset and crying...why give me more of a beating?

 

Am I wrong for feeling like if I am already upset the insults shouldn't need to go any further?

 

Was it wrong of me to get upset after all of that?

[JA0371]

No..but there's gotta be more to the story than this. Do you cry easily? Do you let him treat you bad, then keep taking him back even though you shouldn't? Are you consistent in your words and actions? You may not be ''unstable'..but perhaps you are easily influenced by others, and he may see this as weakness. So...unstable was probably the wrong choice of words..but without more info, it's hard to say.

[brokenhearted1]

He often will make little jabs n comments about how I do things...like parent, or clean or whatever. Then when I come to him about a problem I will tell him how I feel...then he'll just start ignoring me...then comes the well you do this wrong, or do that wrong but it's nothing really about our relationship. If I react in almost any aspect like raise my voice, get frustrated, cry or do anything then all of a sudden I am emotionally unstable...

[shes2smart]

Ok...so the really stripped down version is:

 

He's a jerk to you, you get upset and (continuing to be a jerk) he calls you unstable.

 

Why, exactly, did you give this Prince Charming a second chance?

[blueidealist24]

He isn't nice. You're not emotionally unstable because you get upset when he's a jerk. Most people would react that way. You should dump him. He shouldn't be bothering you for not working when he didn't even finish high school. I know some people can't afford college, but high school is free.

[brokenhearted1]

He isn't nice. You're not emotionally unstable because you get upset when he's a jerk. Most people would react that way. You should dump him. He shouldn't be bothering you for not working when he didn't even finish high school. I know some people can't afford college, but high school is free.

Thank you...I've also been trying my hardest to get work with my degree, but jobs don't magically fall out of the sky.

 

Most of the time he will just make smart jabs and me, but then play innocent when I call him out.

[pl3asehelp]

Why didn't you take the pizza box out yourself? Unless you have some good reason I find it incredibly rude when someone asks someone else to do something they are perfectl capable of doing for themselves.

[shes2smart]

Most of the time he will just make smart jabs and me, but then play innocent when I call him out.

 

link removed

 

I dunno...my completely non-professional opinion is he's exhibiting what could be called "emotionally unstable" behavior...

[brokenhearted1]

Why didn't you take the pizza box out yourself? Unless you have some good reason I find it incredibly rude when someone asks someone else to do something they are perfectl capable of doing for themselves.

It's a decent walk, and yes I can do it. He was leaving and going past the dumpster so I was like hey can you toss this in the dumpster on your way out...

 

He stays with me often, and I clean up after him often...I didn't see why throwing something in a dumpster he was going by anyways would be a big deal.

[leila]

He's an emotional abuser. And that "you're so unstable" nonsense is called gaslighting, and it's considered a form of emotional abuse in itself. (link removed)

 

Get out!

[Rosti87]

There is not a great deal of info here, but it sounds like there are several layers of 'stuff' here.

 

1) There is an educational gap that he might resent. He may have a more practical view of work and employment that you may or may not have. Your having an education and not being employed probably bothers him

 

2) I think there is a shade of mental and verbal abuse here on his behalf. It is not clear if this is his 'normal' pattern or if he resents your circumstances and is indirectly venting via put downs.

 

3) There are value differences particularly around parenting.

 

Your emotional reaction could be based on a lot of things, so I don't feel comfortable making a judgment call on that part. But I do see that gulf of differences between you and wonder if that gulf can ever be bridged.