How to tell a guy that I don't get along with my parents?

[PrettyGood]

This situation torns me aparts for the decades. My parents are not divorced, nor separated; hovever, they don't get along very well. First of all they married not because they loved each other, but because my grandparents wanted them to be married. I was their first unexpected child and father always wanted to have a son, so when I was born, he didn't pay any attention to me as a baby, nor his wife, my mother. He was drinking so much I saw him crawling on the floors. Later my sister was born and nothing has changed. They were constantly fighting, hitting us with sister and finally they stopped sleeping together and and started living and sleeping apart in separate rooms.

 

8 years ago my younger sister got engaged and started living with her fiancee apart from then. I had relationships, lived with my boyfriends since they saw the situation in my family and later dumped me. I always returned to the same family. Now I'm working as a freelance translator from home and live with parents. My parents tell everyone that I'm adult unemployed because they don't understand working from home. Besides they think I'm desperate and laughing that my boyfriends dump me because I'm stupid and mentally ill (that's not true)! My father continues abusing alcohol, sleeping all day long, working half of the day and the rest of the day sleeping. He is obese and has eating disorder - he has a need to eat everything what he sees around in the kitchen. He is having deep depression, slamming doors and using physical violence if I get in his way. My mom is a sucessful business woman, but she's paying for everything and hates that I am not that successful like her. She loves my sister because she is working at mother's company. They always ignore me when I'm talking pretending I don't exist. It drives me crazy. Yes, I don't earn so much to pay for a separate rent, however I really want to have a stable family. When I introduce them to my boyfriend, they just close the door in front of him saying "We don't care about you, you're not the first, you're not the last". Boyfriend always get offended. When his parents wants to meet mine, my parents express that they are not interested to go anywhere, nor to get his parents as guests at our house. I assume you understand that its just an example of any boyfriend, not some exact one. They always tell him that I wouldn't be a good wife material and asks him not to get me accidentaly pregnant. It always shocks us both and I just don't want him to introduce to anyone any longer. It always repeats. The guys I'm dating are asking to meet my parents and I lie to them that I have a really loving parents (because if I show the real them, they get freaked out). I don't know what should I tell them not to meet them.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I never let my boyfriends spend much time around my family. In my last relationship which lasted 5 years, I think my boyfriend saw my mom less than a handful of times.

 

If your family can't behave, they don't get to be apart of your life. I would try as hard as possible to move out. It sounds like you're in a very stressful and abusive relationship with your parents.

[shes2smart]

If I was in your situation, my main focus would be figuring out how to financially support myself enough that could move out.....not what to tell an as-yet-unmet-bf. To keep your focus on what to tell future bfs would imply that you're figuring you're going to stay in your current living situation.

 

Continuing to live with/be supported by your parents is a bigger problem than figuring out what to tell a future bf.

 

When you're financially able to support yourself, one of the perks is this: you can have as much....or as little....to do with your family as you want....even if that is not the norm in your culture.

[bulletproof]

I realize you said you can't afford to move out, but you need to find a way.

 

That might mean: selling some things you own for money; getting one or multiple roommates; taking a second job or a higher-paying first job; living in a sublet, room for rent, etc., that you don't have to put a deposit on.

 

Bottom line is, it's their house, so they are allowed to be as insane as they want to be. The last thing you should be looking for is a relationship to save you from this. It's unhealthy motivation. Get out of their home and support yourself first.

[alli]

I agree with bulletproof & shes2smart. I think you will find much greater happiness in gaining some independence away from your parents than to figure out what to say to some boyfriend to make them accept your situation. There is nothing you can say that would appease a man to your living situation. Their observations alone will drive them away.

 

If your job doesn't pay enough for you to afford to live on your own, you need to find a second job. If your current job takes too much time for you to get a second job, than you are getting way, way underpaid and should look for a new job opportunity anyway.

 

I hope you look at how much you would have to pay to rent a room somewhere, along with what you would pay in other expenses and start saving your money.

[PrettyGood]

Yes, I have already started thinking to go to work abroad probably, cause here I have a high degree and still no-one wants to pay as much as I'm worth with my diploma. It's just so easy profession to be done by anyone without having diploma... it's a nightmare! And I have no idea what I am able to do better. So maybe a hard work abroad and get a high amount of money to buy my own apartment would be a great and quick fix?

 

In other way, I should take a loan and with such payments here I wouldn't be done within 35 years from now. I don't want such kind of responsibility. And to rent a house here is not that cheap and to save for my own