Life after two losses...no judgement please

[brokenhearted1]

Okay so here is the total story...my possible ex and I started dating back in February. We had a few bumps here n there, but I felt we were great for the most part. Then one day out of the blue he broke up with me..I felt really confused so I tried talking to him about it, a couple times. After I talked to him a couple times I stopped getting a hold of him, but he talked to me everyday...all the time. I finally told him we are broken up and I want no contact for awhile...he showed up on my doorstep wanting to get back together...so we did.

 

Then in July we found out I was pregnant and he instantly started pushing an abortion down my throat. He does already have three kids by two different women, and I am already raising two kids on my own. He told me if I am having the baby then he'd tell me goodbye. So I agreed to the abortion. But, then the day we made the apt I wanted him to come over for some moral support...he wouldn't come over and even yelled at me in the parking lot and told me to leave him alone. He avoided me that entire week...and I told him I wanted to break up.

 

Then he showed up the night before my apt (he came that night so we could leave early in the morning). I asked him if he'd lay by me but not touch me..he did. Then he grabbed my hand and held it through the night. He held my hand all the way to the apt the next day and was a great support. It was all over before I knew it. He was a support for me for the next five days...until I wanted to talk about the baby. Then all of a sudden he started pushing me away telling me he didn't think it'd work. BUT, then after that he decided to hang out with me for the day...went to lunch, went to the park, he held my hand. Then at the park he starts telling me stuff again that maybe we just needed a break and this and that. He told me he felt I was too good for him.

 

I feel so confused because at the beginning of the week he was extra worried about us being together, and me talking to him and we agreed to get back together. He was worried though that I'd never get over the baby and eventually break up with him. Then that day he totally pushed me away...and I feel a little lost, and I miss the baby. I feel a little shoved into the decision now, and he isn't here to support it. I want to talk to him. He texted me the night he started all of this we need a break stuff saying some weird things...I texted him the next day and asked...so we r broken up??? No response.

 

I texted him a few days later saying I probably said some things I shouldn't have and that I was sorry. His response read "Sry, I said some things I shouldn't have either." Maybe that was a place for me to say something more, but I didn't say anything else. I hate how we've left things and IDK if this means that he just doesn't want to talk or what. I want to talk, but IDK where to start, and I wonder if he feels the same. At the same time I am sooooo angry that he abandoned me when I needed him the most.

 

I can't talk to anyone about the baby like I can him...I want to reach out but IDK if I should...

[savignon]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can really feel from how you write how painful it must be. I would try reaching out to a friend or support group so that you can get the support you need. Unfortunately, he's shown time and again that he's not interested/capable of having such a serious conversation or even a mature relationship where you'd be able to get the friendship and love you need.

You might try reading some articles/posts from link removed where the blogger discusses unavailable men and how to recover from them.

Keep the faith

*hugs*

[NIN2000]

I am ver sorry to hear that you are going through this. Many come on this forum to vent or seek advise about relationship issues which in the grand scheme in life is not a huge issue; however, when you are talking about a human life things change totally.

 

You finished your post with a strong desire to speak to your ex. I think you should arrange to have a talk with him in person. Don't catch him by surprise and tell him ahead of time that you want to vent/discuss a few issues of concern which are bothering you.

 

You have children and I have no doubt that they are the number one priority in your life. You are at a stage in your life where you don't need games and it sounds like this ex of yours is very irresponsible. He should have supported you by being there and he should have been available for you to speak with.

 

This current boyfriend of yours showed you who the priority was in his life and selfishly it was him. He needs to accept responsibility for his actions, regardless of how many kids he has. I am very sorry to hear of your situation and the grief that you have but after you speak to this guy, make sure you vent and get everything out of your system but do not go back out with him. If he won't be there for you during such an important time in your life then what do you need him for?

 

Everyone loves to have a good time and be there for the good parties but times like these are a test of true character and integrity. This guy lacks the latter. You deserve better.

[KarenC]

You should leave this guy alone because his dysfunctional behavior is for the birds. .

 

Dealing with someone like him is only a waste of time and in a few years you'll understand what I mean.

 

Hugs to you!

[bwhite00]

Hope you're ok.

[markie6]

Having been through something similar, it can be a struggle to be able to confide in others about the situation and the aftermath. Sadly it's often the case where ( in this case ) he is blanking it out while you need to process it. It doesn't mean he isn't dealing with it ( who am I to guess) but he should be more supportive or at least be able to empathise with your feelings.

 

I was told an abortion was for the best, given a long list of reasons as to why, but 7 months later told I should have changed her mind about it all. I was as supportive as I could have been but many will only think of themselves and how things affect them. He sounds very selfish. If you haven't already considered it, think about counselling / therapy. It's helped me a lot

 

hugs for you

[brokenhearted1]

Thank you to everyone...I will probably seek out some kind of counseling...and I have more and more realizations each day.

 

He told me after the abortion...the day he decided to tell me we needed a break or whatever that my place was messy, and that's why he wouldn't come over after we made the apt, and that it made his kids feel uncomfortable and that my kids should have been helping me. And tbh...it was a little messy the week I was still pregnant, but that's because I was throwing up day and night and felt awful...and the stress he put me under didn't help.

 

At first I thought I was wrong for that, but then looking back at it I feel he shouldn't have even said that four days after an abortion...especially on a day that I was struggling with it. My kids did help me...they helped make meals and everything, but I can only expect so much out of a 5 and 8 year old. And looking back...I feel he should have offered some help...not put that on my young children.