Can I ever trust her again

[unsureandhatingit]

My wife of 16 years has left me 3 times in the last 2 years. She said she had fallen out of love with me. She left me for 1 day the first time 3 days the 2nd time and 12 hours the last time. She swears every time when she comes back that she was confused and really didnt want to leave me. It has always been after I have caught her in lies. The first time it was about phone calls to our brother in law who was a child hood friend of hers in school. I did not get upset about the calls them selves but about the fact she tried to hide the calls from me on an extremly high phone bill. The second time it was she had quit her job and told me one reason for quiting and I found out it was something else completely. The third time I found out she was chatting online under a hiden accout name. I walked in on her chatting with someone an she imediatly shut the computer off by pulling the plug. She flatly denied she was even chatting and continued to denie it until I found the user name and used her birth day zip code and our dogs name to get into the account. She told me after she was afraid I would get upset she was chatting. I guess as many marriages I have see broken up in chat rooms mabee I would have. We fought all night after that and finally reconciled at 5 am. I told her things that night that I had never told her the times before. Both other times I begged her not to leave. That time I told her I couldnt go thru having my heart ripped out anymore and if she wanted to end it I would pack my bags and leave. After that it was just crazy she begged me not to go and that she didnt know why she was acting like this. I asked her that night if she had cheated on me and she swore that she had never and it had not ever crossed her mind. I asked her if she had feelings for someone else and I got the same anser. Our relationship has become better than ever but there is still doubts in the back of my mind. I still dont know 100% that she didnt cheat on me. Simply because I think she is afraid that I would beat the hell out of who ever it was. I want to trust her 100% again but that little part in the back of my mind will not let me for now. I have often wondered what I was doing wrong. I have never hit my wife ever. I have never cheated on her ever. I tell her how much I love her every chance I get and bring her flowers often. I dont drink or do drugs. I have always worked and make good money. Many of her female friends have told her she is so lucky to have a husband like me and her close friends told her she was crazy when she was going to leave me. I am not saying I am the perfect husband but I do try more than most. I have tried to figure out just what she wants or needs but I just can't figure it out. I have offered marriage counciling after ever time but she refuses. I work in the off shore oil industry and am gone 14 days out of the month. I would quit that job today if I thought we could make it on the money I would lose working at home. I am just trying to figure out a way I can trust her 100% again. Before this all started I use to brag to the other guys at work That I trusted my wife completely because marriage breakups are very very common in this industry. If anyone out there thinks they know something that might help me trust her again I am open for sugestions. If any ladies out there think they might be able to explain what she might be going thru or need from me please let me know. Just typing this out and getting it off my chest has helped more than you could know.

Thank you for your time

[giggirl]

I know how you feel,

 

I actually caught my b-friend cheating, he soposidly just kissed some girl

and had been lying about for a month or so(found out from the girl

what happened) and believe me I really had no clue except weird behavior

and stuff

but Im trying to work things out

 

but it seems to me just from my own experiences that you need to know how she feels or whats going on

 

the best thing to do is talk it out as best you can get to know her again

ask her what she needs and wants, especially in the relationship

 

but the trust thing it takes time to gain that back especially if you dont even know what really happened just talk it out thats the best thing

 

but that is weird that she wasent willing to talk it out in counciling

especially since youve taken her back a few times

 

I dont want upset you but it seems like your not going to be able to get past this until you know the truth (believe me, it can eat at you)

just ASSURE her your not going to flip out, if she tells you what was going

on

 

well I hope this helps you and good luck