Shy men's advice needed

[unsureinlove]

So there is a guy at work, we sit close to each other therefore we can see each other. I started noticing him looking at me and the turning away when I looked back. I didn’t really give it much thought since he seemed the quiet and I hate to stereotype, but a bit nerdy. Soon he would start showing up where I was (not often though) and would only say hi. I also started to pass him in the hall and again would either get a (mumbled) hello or a wave. One day I happened to be facing in his direction (from my work space) and I noticed this made him very nervous, he was fidgeting and looking around his workspace as if he was looking for something to do and the next thing I knew he got up and walked out. He ended up doing that a few times before I actually turned back around and started a new project. This had me perplexed…..was he bothered by my facing in his direction because honestly his computer is stationed that his back is to me so why would he care if I were facing in his direction?

 

Well then I started to think “maybe he is interested in me” and I started to pay more attention and started to develop a (little) attraction to him. I started to initiate a little more conversation with him whenever I would see him outside of his workspace, but with little luck.

 

It’s been a few months since all this started and now I find he (purposely) avoids me. So then I thought I must have gotten my signals all wrong and he just doesn’t like me and now I just avoid him as well.

 

However, I noticed he still is looking at me. Now I’ve heard (and read) that shy guys

A) Ignore you when they like you and (B) Ignore you when they don’t like you.

A) Won’t talk or approach when they like you (B) Won’t talk or approach when they don’t like you.

 

This has me confused…..is he or isn’t he….interested? And should I make an effort to get him to open up or chalk this one up as a mystery?

 

Any thoughts?

[john45]

I'd suggest giving up.

 

I'm fairly shy, however if a woman at work started paying me attention, I'd either do more talking to her straightaway or not. I don't know whether I'd actually ask her out or not (that would depend on how I was feeling at the time, and who the woman was etc...), but I'd certainly be flattered to be asked out, and may well have said yes, if it was a case where just shyness had held me back from asking.

 

I wouldn't talk to her for a little while and then start avoiding contact! If he's really avoiding you, I'd suggest chalk this one down as a mystery and find someone else.

 

Good luck and take care.

[NIN2000]

He sounds like he is very shy and scared.

 

You should ask him flat out; "Do I scare or make you feel uncomfortable?" Smile while you are at it... but express a concern that you are no harm. Hopefully that will make him explain himself and with that he will get the picture that you are a human being who doesn't bite.

 

I am sure that if you get him out of his shy shell you might find him to be a very interesting person.

[sidehop]

VERY shy.

 

#1 thing about shy guy is fear of not messing up; if they feel they messed up, then they'll blame themselves for their own action, make up an excuse and try to find a way to get out of the situation. It's not that they don't like you but in their head, they think the girl they were interested automatically hates them.

 

If you're interested in him, give him a chance. Shy guys have a very similar pattern in their childhood; something I'd consider like many personalities that it's not their fault. But in order to get their attention you have to be aggressive but not in a way that it will scare them either. They need to feel comfortable. So not being so aggressive to the point of asking them out to lunch on a first day. Once they can break out of their shell, you'll be able to really understand their personality better.

[cpc28655]

But in order to get their attention you have to be aggressive but not in a way that it will scare them either.

 

I'd say she has already scared him.

 

I guess I'll be the voice of dissent here. What I am about to say will make me sound like a cynical person. I won't tell you what you should or should not do, but I will ask you this. Do you really want to put your own happiness on hold for a "nerdy" guy that ignores you?

[unsureinlove]

Thank you for your responses….very interesting how each gentleman has a different interpretation on things.

 

I’m not quite sure how I scared him…..I don’t think being friendly constitutes as scaring someone. Keep in mind HE is the one who was showing the interest first, I just happened to take notice and decided he was cute enough to want to get to know a little better. Yes, first impression….nerdy…..taking a second and third look….cute.

 

There were other little things he did to (in my opinion) show interest such as orchestrate coming out of his workspace the same time as me to say HI.

 

I just feel showing him attention or interest has maybe made him uncomfortable and for him that could be foreign so now he would rather avoid me than to have to be uncomfortable. This is really ashamed because he seems very nice.

 

No I don’t want to waste my time and energy on someone who will never take a chance, but if I don’t try then I will never know either. I just don’t want to make a fool of myself. Even though I’m not shy, I still have a fear of rejection as most people do.

[cpc28655]

I was actually being sarcastic when I said that you had already scared him. Perhaps you should try to find out why is seems uncomfortable. Perhaps he is inexperienced and unsure what to do. Perhaps he has gynophobia. He may even be playing games with you. There is only one way to find out. You will have to ask him yourself.