what are the perspectives by dating a divorced man with a teenager child?

[PrettyGood]

This topic is the one I wanted to discuss about for a very long time. I have noticed that most divorced men who are in the end of their thirties and have at least one teenager child (let's say 11 y.o.) from the previous marriage are looking for much younger women to date who are in the end of their twenties.

 

Let's take me as an example. I'm 29 y.o. and consider myself stable, relable and faithful woman who has never been married and does not have children. Yet I want to have children so much! I want to experience that precious and joyful moment of what it's like to be pregnant and give birth. So my questions are related to dating such men:

 

1) is there any perspective to have children when they already have one?

2) do they usually look for a casual fling or to provide their children a stepmother?

3) should i be responsible for taking care of his child like my own if i want to create something stable?

4) should i date such men at all or should i brush them off my list as potential candidates to create a normal family and have babies?

5) any examples from personal experience?

[nutbrownhare]

The first thing I need to say to you is that you are asking questions which assume that all divorced men with teenage children have similar goals and wishes. They don't. They are as diverse as single men with no kids.

 

It's never a good idea to date someone who is still feeling raw from a relationship breakdown and not over their ex; this applies whether or not it's a divorce, and whether or not they have kids.

 

Some guys who already have one kid are keen to have more. Some are not.

Some guys are keen to start again with a new partner, some are not. Whether or not a guy is just looking for a casual fling is something you need to find out for yourself in the early days of dating - regardless of his status.

The role you take in relation to your partner's child is a process of negotiation between the two of you. There are no absolutes here.

If you want a marriage partner/father to your own children with no reminders of previous relationships, or continued contact with an ex, then don't date such men.

 

At the age of 29 you will still find it relatively easy to find someone your own age, give or take, who doesn't have a teenage kid. Or, indeed, any children at all.

[needhelp6]

Answers from mid-40s male with an elementary school age daughter:

1) is there any perspective to have children when they already have one? - In my case no, I've had a vasectomy and with the one woman who I got close with after my ex I told her about this early on, just in case she wanted children we didn't waste each others time. I have friends who have done the "two family thing." They have older (in some case college age kids) and they now have younger kids or babies with the second wife. Seems pretty common now.

 

2) do they usually look for a casual fling or to provide their children a stepmother? - My case, not looking for a stepmother.

 

3) should i be responsible for taking care of his child like my own if i want to create something stable? - If I did end-up marrying someone I would want them to treat my daughter as their own, as much as they could. I would also expect the same of my daughter as much as possible.

 

4) should i date such men at all or should i brush them off my list as potential candidates to create a normal family and have babies? - Personally, I think it would be easier to find someone else in your situation vs. someone with children, and ex etc. Start your own family together. BTW I don't think you mean "normal" LOL.

 

5) any examples from personal experience? - Can't help you here.

 

Interesting post and I'm curious in the responses you receive, even though they don't directly pertain to my situation.

[sadchick83]

I think that one of the people bringing children into a new relationship is far more acceptable than it used to be. It used to be a bit taboo 10- 15 years ago, however now I even know of some male friends my age or older that actually want women with children.

 

If the above is the case, I don't think there is any pigeonholing people who have children and are entering a new relationship...They are like everyone else now and you will find that some want to have more children and some are done.