BigKK Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 She has been hitting me up all week about little things she wants, that a month ago she said "get rid of" and I don't need. And it's mostly small things like framed painting, and other things like that. Frame to a mirror, that the mirror broke, etc I've been so busy I haven't made time to pack it up, until this week. I have never responded I've had so many texts from her about how I'm doing, hope I'm well. I've told her like 10 times during our last talk, that I need space. But she needs to give me space and leave me alone. She didn't think that was "mature" but she agreed she would. So anyway, 2.5 weeks later I'm getting a few breadcrumbs a day. And I've been very positive through this whole breakup thing. Everytime I get a breadcrumb at first it felt empowering, now it's just kind of a drag. I gathered ALL of her stuff last night, every last bit. Things she won't even remember she owned. I'm gonna dump it all in her living room. I still have a key, I don't want to do this during the weekend because I will see her. Is this okay? Am I crossing boundaries, I am just fed up with the stupid texts about random things she wants? So essentially I am going to go into "her" place, that I'm still on the lease (so it's legal) and deliver everything she wants, and then some. I don't want to throw it away, she can do that. I'm trying to move on, but I don't want to be doing something that is "wrong." Or if theres a better way to return things. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 You aren't doing what I want = Immature. Give her the stuff back and tell her "Never contact me again". Do it while she is present to avoid any other trouble. Never go to anyone's home alone. Link to comment
Snow Bird Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 More likely she left those things to use as an excuse to contact you again. If are on the lease and still have a key, then sure go ahead and drop the stuff off. As long as she can't accuse you of breaking in though. And as long as you don't feel it's cowardly to drop her stuff off while she's not there. She will probably see it that way though.. as long as you're ok with it, then do it. Is she the type to accuse you of stealing something to get back at you? If she might would do that, take a friend with you as proof you only dropped off stuff. And then of course leave the key on the kitchen counter as you leave. Link to comment
Red Tie Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 I think you are doing the right thing. Best to avoid physical contact with her at all costs! The thing that is bothering me is you entering the house. Any other way around that part? A porch or something? Can you stuck those objects in the mail box? If you can, do it. Entering in the living room is a bit of privacy invasion. Even if legally its your house. Dont show her that disrespect, she might not take lightly. After that she will call or text saying something. Dont feed her ego. She is just trying to see if you are there when she needs you. People arent objects to be used when the need arises. I honestly think you are doing the right thing. Good for you! Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 Send it UPS --- so that you have proof that you mailed it and she received it. I wouldn't go there when she isn't home. Include the key. Link to comment
BigKK Posted July 26, 2013 Author Share Posted July 26, 2013 I would send this stuff via UPS, but it filled up the whole back of a station wagon! She will not accuse me of stealing or anything, but yes, I don't care what she thinks of me. If I'm being "cowardly." Her mom moved in with her, so she might be there. (Her mom loved me and told me "this will all pass" When things first got bad. Her mom is living with her there now too. So she might be there. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 Then go over when you know she isn't there --- before you leave for Europe. If the mom is there, make sure to hand her the key. Link to comment
BigKK Posted July 26, 2013 Author Share Posted July 26, 2013 Just came back... spotted Ex's car and Mom's car down the street so I immediately turned around without passing the place... she must be on a very late lunch weird... got very mad I couldn't put a nail in this coffin... I'll go back in about an hour. Don't want to have her stuff in my car all weekend!! considered asking a friend to do this for me, but I want to take out my own trash Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 Call a friend to go with you. It will go much faster and even if it is just mom, she won't be able to catch you in a conversation with someone else there Link to comment
BigKK Posted July 26, 2013 Author Share Posted July 26, 2013 Swung by, mom was home. She said hi with a smile. Went to the dining room. I unloaded everything real fast, set it neatly in the living room. Gave her the key, said if anythings not hers to just throw it away and said bye with no emotion. Feels good! Woooo hooo, can have a relaxing weekend!!!!!!!!! Good luck finding reasons to message me anymore Link to comment
BigKK Posted July 26, 2013 Author Share Posted July 26, 2013 thank you mhowe!! Had a weight off lifted all my shoulders. And I won't have this slight bad feeling about when she'd text me about how I was, and then would follow up with I REALLY NEED MY SCRAPBOOKING scissors. Dinner with dad, go workout, and then possibly some bars later tonight with friends. Don't even have my phone on me today, perhaps I'll go phoneless this weekend... Phone Addiction... It's a real thing I think!! Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 Leave phone home. And again, congrats on getting off the "breadcrumb diet"!!! Link to comment
Red Tie Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 Congratulations BigKK! Good to see you overcoming this so well! Nicely done! *Bro fist.* Link to comment
BigKK Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 Happy Monday to everyone!! Haha, so much for no breadcrumbs... "Good morning (baby name she called me), thank you for bring my things over. I have been trying to get a hold of you. I'd like to get together and just talk. Are you okay? I’m guessing that you and I chatting right now isn’t a good idea? " And then another e-mail about bringing her more stuff... she wants to make herself feel better to know that I'm okay! Even though this Monday morning the breadcrumb doesn't make me feel at all any hope or desire to return to the relationship. I'm gonna do single for awhile, and enjoy being a 28 year old bachelor for now Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 What part of "don't contact me" confuses her? Talk about what? She dropped you --- not the other way around. And talk about ego ..."are you ok"? No --- losing her makes you want to step in front of a bus!!! Please. It is driving her nuts that she cannot manipulate you like she has all of her other ex's. Link to comment
BigKK Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 What part of "don't contact me" confuses her? Talk about what? She dropped you --- not the other way around. And talk about ego ..."are you ok"? No --- losing her makes you want to step in front of a bus!!! Please. It is driving her nuts that she cannot manipulate you like she has all of her other ex's. Thanks mhowe.... exactly my thoughts! I am growing more and more disappointed with her. It's not really a "bad" or "messy" breakup. But I am seeing a very ugly side of her. Just like you said it, she is a very genuine and kind person normally, and I think that her kindness is what sucks all the exes back in. The initial thought when your mind is clouded with judgement is "wow she is so sweet, how can I not keep her around it feels better than not" Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 I mean, seriously. You dropped off a carload of crap and she is mentioning "other stuff". And dear old mom was there, so clearly she reported that you seem absolutely fine. Really --"are you okay"?? Puuuuleeeeeazzzze. Link to comment
BigKK Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 I mean, seriously. You dropped off a carload of crap and she is mentioning "other stuff". And dear old mom was there, so clearly she reported that you seem absolutely fine. Really --"are you okay"?? Puuuuleeeeeazzzze.\ Are you Ok? Because my mom said you looked fine, so you're obviously hurting even more than I thought and putting on a facade since I know you're devastated because you were really sad when I broke up with you so let's meet up so I can see how much you're hurting and how much you want me still, I need a boost because my weekend sucked Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 It is very brave of you to put up that façade for her mother. "I'd like to get together and just talk".....ooh, good. I thought maybe she wanted sex!!!! "Guessing that us chatting right now is not a good idea".....then why don't you just stop texting!!!!!!! Link to comment
BigKK Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 My friends are telling me to respond with a "there is nothing to talk about" Or "I don't want to talk" to get the point accross... am I crazy in thinking when I told her that over text, over e-mail, in person, that it actually means what I said...leave me alone! That I no longer have to continue to try to drive the point home? And then I have friends telling me I SHOULD talk to her? That she needs to get more things off her chest and I should let her? I don't have to provide closure for anyone or be an emotional punching bag after the breakup, I already hung in there longer than many members told me to. So just to re-check.... My gut says no contact.... No Contact, right? Just have some of my wacky friends clouding my judgement. Just looking for re-assurance... Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 You have told your ex 8 ways to Sunday that you are done. Because she is DEAF does not mean you have to keep telling her the same thing. She broke up with you. That is her closure. She cannot accept that you are done. No one has ever not let her control the post-break up. So, to be clear. You are single and free. You owe her nothing. Because honestly, what would telling her one more time do? Nothing. In fact, she would realize that if she pesters you enough, you will cave. Prove her wrong. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 So --- has she finally stopped contact????? Feeding her breadcrumbs to the flock of ex's???? Link to comment
BigKK Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 Of course she has not! The saga continues ... "I haven’t heard from you, I have your passport and a few other things. When and how can I get these to you " I forgot to mention thanks for your previous post mhowe... Needed to hear that Link to comment
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