Coming up to 1 year anniversary of a breakup

[kungfumaster]

I need to vent.

 

So - its been almost a whole year since my ex and I broke up - does anyone feel the blues anytime it comes to that time of the year when you know, 1 year ago, you felt like your heart was torn out of you because you're ex broke up with you. I still remember what happened - everything - is this a bad sign that I'm not healing well??

 

I mean, this past year has been terrible for me. I mean, there has been some good points - I felt happy at times, going on a trip - meeting some new friends. But still, its a struggle. I know life is a struggle, but, is it always this hard sometimes - I'm not saying that I have a bad life, considering other things and people. I am lucky in a way, but not lucky at the same time.

 

I did no contact for 9 months. Just contacted her once after that, and that was it. I don't know - especially now, nearing Christmas season - we were suppose to spend 2 weeks together for Christmas, but that didn't happen because she just gave up before Christmas, and just avoided telling me anything until I contacted her. The bad memories are coming back up again - I hate that.

[lnxfrkk]

I hear ya Kungfumaster,

 

It's almost a year for me also.Yougave me great advice during the year on how to cope with my breakup.I still tend to feel down sometimes,but have had good days.it does take time,but realized that time does heal.

 

Take care!!!

[fantasia2004]

Don't feel bad. My year came and went and it still hurts. what could you do but move on.

 

I feel your pain Kungfu. I know what you mean. I just want to forget about it altogether.

[jbutterfly2020]

Well I am going to join this club right here. Its nearing the 2 year mark for me and it hurts still. I am the one that ended it yet I still remember the love we had together. I wonder why I did such a stupid thing and why I haven't fixed it since. But he has moved on and is having a baby with another girl.

 

 

I feel for all of you and I hope one day SOON we can get over our past.

[bdub]

Just about 2 months ago I had my one year since the break up anniversary. Since the break up, I've graduated college and landed myself my dream job, and I did it all without her. Back when the pain was real and intense, I didn't think this would be possible, but it is. I still think of her often, but the pain that stems from those memories is almost gone. It seems that the more I grow, the less important the piece of me that is related to her becomes. I think one day I'll wake up and think of her and say to myself "Boy, I haven't thought of her in a long time", with no painful emotion attached. I'm almost there, and all of you will get there, also. Of course our exs will always be in our thoughts, because they were, and still are, a part of us. Everybody just keep on growing and we'll be alright 8)

 

bdub

[Pebek]

2Kungfumaster, I guess what you're feeling is normal. It's been 8 months since my breakup and there are times I feel OK and times the pain still chokes me. They say it will eventually pass. Although it's still hard for me to believe that, I think they're right because the pain does lessen with the passage of time.

I feel for you. That's all I can say to help you. You're not the only one. Unlike you, I have maintained 100% NC. I feel I might break down if I saw her in the street and had to say something. We were together for 4 1/2 years.

 

Hang on tough.

 

Pete

[fridolyn]

One year for me in 2 weeks. I think I will celebrate the anniversary. Last Christmas was the worst I had ever had. This one will be different for sure. I often think about the day she left me, last Christmas, the begging, the crying, the hurting etc. Im just happy to think about those moments because Im fully healed now and proud of myself because I went through it. I may even have a new girl to spend Christmas with. 2004 was just awful. I strongly expect an excellent 2005. Thank God, its over.

 

 

***English is my second language***

[trishcollins]

I went through what would have been our second anniversary, 3 months ago, about 7 weeks after our breakup. It was hard -- we talked on the phone, and he sounded awful. He said he still loved me, missed me and considered me his best frined. At that point, I still held out hope that he might come around.

 

Now it's month 5 (2 months of NC) and no sign of him coming back. The pain is not as bad. I still occasionally fall asleep with tears in my eyes, but at least I sleep. I still wake up wishing he were next to me. My heart stops whenever I am suddenly reminded of him and I still wonder what he is up too.

 

But the real heartbreaking gut wrenching feeling is finally gone and I know that I will get past it all at some point. As long as I can get past Christmas (he told me once that we would never spend a Christmas apart), I will be fine. 2004 did suck, I can't wait for 2005.

[kungfumaster]

Hey thanks everyone for replying. It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who feels this way after A LONG time after the break up, i.e., after almost 1 year. I've just been trying to keep busy so that I don't dwell on the bad memories that happened one year before. Its hard. Like this time last year, I remember, it was the beginning of the end - I was going on a trip, the trip which was the time it all started to fall apart and I reallly really got worried - after I got back from my trip, my suspicions that she wanted to break up were almost 100 percent - she never answered my calls or emails - just plain avoided me.

 

FOR EVERYONE OUT THERE WHO WANTS TO DUMP SOMEONE - BE A MAN/WOMAN and JUST DO IT - don't avoid us, don't leave us hanging - reminds me of Radiohead's song "High and Dry" - don't pretend like we're not even there - just do it. You're actually being nicer to us doing it that way, although it would still be painful. It is the most painful experience of my life waiting for someone and not being sure that she wants to no longer be with me - evidence - I still remember the pain.

 

Anyways, I hope you all have a good Christmas - spend it with loved ones, i.e., family and friends. I look forward to seeing my family again over Christmas.

 

Take care everyone, and thanks for your replies.

Kung fu

[skynet74]

Next week will be the one year Anniversary of My Ex-girlfriend telling me in the Car that she wanted to break up with me. Nothing like that bit of Bad News so close to Christmas. After 10 years of living together and no major problems..... THAT IS THE THANKS I GOT. Me Ex met another man at work and that seemed like a more exciting option to her than a stable relationship with me. She Got Bored and I got The Boot. Life just isn't fair.

 

One year later I'm still missing her. I wanted a friendship. She wanted nothing. I think she cheated and felt guilty because of it. So my theory is that she decided to avoid me with the hope that it would make her feel less guilty about what she did. Out of site.. Out of Mind.

 

Well sorry to tell her that it usually isn't that easy. We haven't had any Contact since September 25th. I stopped contacting her because she was just being a cruel jerk. Showed me no respect and intentionally tried to make the break up as difficult as possible on me. At some point you just have pick yourself up and get your self respect back. So I stopped calling and decided to do just that.

 

Today is Day 75 Of No Contact for me. I know that deep down she must think about me. I think about her constantly. We were supposed to get married this year. But her one decision changed life for the both of us. I Don't know what's going to happen in the future. But I do believe that NO Contact will at least allow us to both cool down and sort feelings out. Perhaps it's what we need to resume some kind of contact down the road. But I think that's going to have to be up to her. She pushed me away. So I've decided that she is going to have to be the one to make the move towards me now. The Ball is in her court. Sometimes I just wish she would at least drop me an e-mail to say hello. 10 years together is a hard thing to get over. Especially around the holidays.

 

 

 

John

[Pebek]

skynet74, 10 years!!! What's my 4 1/2 years compared to this? I thought I was having a hard time letting go. Man, I wish I knew how to live without thinking of how it used to be. It's been almost nine months since my breakup but I feel I haven't let go of the past yet. Sure, I feel better than, say, in July, but I'm not me without her. Or at least that's how I feel. I had never thought you could do such a thing to someone you loved until she did that to me in March. She dumped the 4 1/2 years of us together down the drain in one f*#!& night!

Sorry for the rambling but venting does help. I wouldn't be where I am now, mentally, that is, without you people on this forum. You've all been of such great help.

Yeah, it's exquisitely hard around Christmas, the first without her by my side...

 

Pete

[kungfumaster]

Dido - wow skynet - 10 years - and Pebek - 4 1/2 years. I hope that in time, you guys will forget these bad memories like I have (although my relationship only lasted 2 years). I am happily surprised at myself - I actually had a big "grief" session on my one year anniversary of my break up - and you know what - it has helped in a way. I just let myself feel depressed, and it really helped actually.

 

I remember this time last year, I was about to die - but now, wow - I'm going home for Christmas in about 4 days, and that's all I'm looking forward to now. I'm surprised I'm not thinking about what happened this time last year when my heart was torn out - I can say this now without emotion. Wow. Maybe that's how we should do it - just let ourself feel the grief, and then it will be better after that.

 

Anyways, keep healing guys - it will get better - just let yourself feel depressed - it is natural, it is healing.

 

Take care.

Kung fu.

[carlito1]

I hear what yous are going through folks, I have just passed my anniversary, 1 year since the day we got together, (knew her 2 years and dated for 2) and is also coming up yill 1 year since we split.

 

She moved on within 2 months with someone else who she is still with after me supposedly being "the love of her life" How randomly and easily people can throw out such phrases and yet seemingly not mean them. If you do say something MEAN IT. Well this year will soon be over and I will be delighted, it has been a year to forget for me. However for her its as if nothing has changed, I have simply been replaced and all her mates etc are all happy, the new fella fits in great, its all just so bloody great.

 

All this happens yet I go through absolute hell while she goes on holidays, does the things I did with him etc etc. I was the one that asked for a break, she put on the fake face, but did anyone aske why I asked for such a break as she was the looker in the realtionship? Nope, but people will see eventually but I don't really care, its her lookout.

 

One year on, anniversary day and I am angry but then I think about it. Why? I did nothing wrong, I was honest, she did stuff she shouldn't have and wouldn't talk about it. I tried and tried to make it work she wouldn't listen, said I broke her heart and then suddenly New Guy, flaunting his baldy head round the place. Well you know what if its that easy its FAKE. If it isn't fake then good luck but those people that mask happiness all the time AREN'T Truly happy. Its bull, its a front, I was REAL with her and she couldn't handle it, better some lapdog running around catering to her every whim than face the pain eh?

 

So have I learned anything? ABSOLUTELY! I learned I was honest, I tried to fix things she didn't, she ran away. I learnt to be so bloody angry, then wonder why? You have to go through these stages. I learnt about a band called the Killers and a song called Mr Brightside about athe singer finding his girlfriend two timing him, look at him now baby!! Where are you!! I learnt to go out and get drunk then relax and stop that and start and enjoy myself again. I learnt I AM GOING TO BE OK!! I learnt to HANG IN THERE!! I learnt that time helps and so does great friends and most of all I learnt ALL GOOD THINGS TO THOSE WHO WAIT!

 

Good luck for 2005 folks, it won't be as bad as 2004 but we are through it now so lets begin to look forward not back, theres a summer there to ENJOY coming up so lets do it. Let the exes get on with it, they ain't our problem anymore.

 

Good luck everybody

[sidhat]

ALL just think "Person is not right for me".. and be kool

[Scottrn]

Good advice! It's the end of a year, end of the pain! New year coming, new adventure to go on if our heads are up and eyes are open. If we stay looking at our feet crying, we'll miss whats coming! The summer is coming too, get to the gym, workout, look good on the beach! Some things to look forward to!

Happy new year to all, it WILL be better than this one was, theres no other option!

 

bless us all