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not sure how to feel anymore

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Well to start off I really haven't lived the best life so far. Im 23 and a single mother of two.


I dont feel that i want to kill myself at all. My kids are my reminder of staying here. Even though sometimes I think they could have better. My job is good, Im a manager at a restuarant.


Things just seem to come all at once when something goes wrong. For instence, I found out I was pregnant a month after I broke up with the father and of course he denied being the father and spread rumors about me the whole time. Then a few weeks later a good friend of mine was stabbed and died while we were in the waiting room at the hospital. He was only 18.


Then a month later my 18 year old cousin that I loved very much was killed in a car accident in Virginia. She lived in Pittsburg. That was the hardest thing I had gone through. And its still hard to talk sometimes without tearing up the whole time.


Before all this When I was with the father of my first child, we were together for 7 yrs and he beat the crap out of me everyday. I finally got away from him and he has nothing to do with his little girl.


My mind is confused and my heart hurts and it pretty much aches.

I guess I wrote this to ask for some advice or something to ease my mind and soul.


I dont have closerue and i think i need some. And Im not totally over what my daughters father did to me and he doesn't even care and says its my fault. Can someone help me?

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Hello there,

Well I don't think it's your fault, maybe you have just been making the wrong choices. Truth is we all make them and it's always after the fact that we realize we made a mistake. The thing is that we should look at our past and learn from it. I'm sure there are things you know you would never do again, and you have learned this only from having experienced what you have.


I'm sorry that you have lost people so close to you. It kinda makes you appreciate what you have even more. Your children love and need you and that is the most important reason to keep working hard.


Take care of yourself and treat yourself well...and someone good will come along who will love and appreciate you the way you deserve. Those men were no good for you.


You're very young and very strong ...you're going to be ok.

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You remind me alot of my mother who went through the same type of stuff that you are going through. Personaly i think you should be so proud of yourself that you have stayed. Alot of people take the easy way out by taking there lives and it is a selfish thing to do. Mom once told me that she would of takin her life if it werent for me and my sisters, which is why i respect you. you're kids NEED you, and trust me they'll thank you for it later i know

im 17 now and i still thank my mother for being there for me and being strong.

It does sound like up until now you have had alot of trouble in life, makes my probs with my girlfriend seem quite small actually.

i think that you just need to hang on in there and stay away from people who you think will hurt you. sometimes the past can be scarring but it can also be a chance in later life to say, I MADE IT! i pushed though all of that bad stuff in my life and have settled down with my kids and am enjoying life! you have to be optimistic, pleaz believe me. also stick to you're friends, they are the best! you shuld try stick around people who are willing to help you out in times of need.

This Web site was a GREAT choice

I know it might be hard to take me seriously because i am only 17 but pleaz try

on the passing away of friends and family,

A mate of mine drowned about 4 months ago. he was 18, and damn it hurts like hell, i know what you feel. my grandma also died recently.

my point is the pain does pass eventually. dont get me wrong there will always be a scar there but think of them smiling at you wanting you to be happy

In some of my Grandmas last words (and her most famous quote)...


Lifes not fair


and i agree, sure you can to

its a fact of life

one we must all persevere

Good luck girl, you'll be fine

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mdiddy, I'm sorry to hear you've been through a bunch of troubles in your life so far, but I'm glad you're reaching out and posting here at enotalone.


Easing one's mind and soul ultimately has to come from having some time to be by yourself every day -- to be quiet and get in touch with your feelings and thoughts, your hopes and dreams.


Some people meditate, others pray. Ultimately it's a time for YOU to allow yourself just to be you, without added responsibilities for your kids or anyone else. You might take a half hour to write in a journal, just whatever comes to mind. Or you might put on some quiet music and sit with your eyes closed, letting your mind go blank, and breathing in deeply.


Out of these times of quiet, some people figure out what they need to do next in their lives or what it is that they want or find worth living for. At the very least, it is a time for you to feel strengthened and refreshed inside. You sound like you need a break. I hope that this helps.

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Your experiences also remind me of what my mother went through. She was abandoned by the father of one of her children and then abused by the father of another. She finally ended up with my father but that relationship turned sour and they divoced a couple years ago. Throughout it all what has kept her going is her children. I know she loves us and has worked hard to make sure we have had the best life she could give us.


If she can do it then so can you. Realize that all those bad experiences are in the past and that you've survived them. They have made you a stronger person, someone who didn't give up and has fought to get where you are. Use it as motivation to do more, to show that you are better then what your past would indicate. Do it for your children who deserve a good life. The mere fact that you are there for them says that you are a good person. And do it for yourself. Know that your a good person and that good things will eventually happen for you.

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I guess what really hurts is that im in pain everyday and dont know what to do about it. I have been through alot and still i survive and want to. but its hard sometimes to think that way.


With being in the abbusive relationship ive had a hard time with being ina commiting relationship. Thats what is hard sometimes and i really want to be in a relationship to feel loved. But when i find someone that really loves me and wants to take care of me i run away. It sucks.


When i drink i get very emotional and end up crying myself to slepp or just pass out. I like to drink to make me forget what is going on that moment. I dont drink when my kids are around. Im at least that responsible but i wish i could drink all the time to forget reality.


i just feel pain all the time and i hate it.

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Hey girl,

It's time to start paying a little more attention to those nice guys who really like you and want to take care of you. You already figured the kind of man that is no good for you. Next time you see one of those--RUN!


Seriously though, only you can change your future and only you can make yourself happy. You are still hanging in there and working hard. You're surviving. It's ok to get emotional, you have alot of stuff going on. Just let yourself cry and you'll feel better.


Take care

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mdiddy, you need some support in your life. And if you are drinking frequently, or so much that you pass out, then Alcoholocis Anonymous could be a good place to get some support. That's what the group's all about - being there for each other.


Or there might be a support group for single moms in your area, too. It's hard to carry the burden of life all on your own. I hope you can find some other people near where you live, so they can give you the space to talk about yourself and what you're going through. We all need support.

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