I just.. miss him :(

[vix8]

This is going to be long.. sorry.

 

We've been broken up for 10 months. I left him because he started to not care about anything anymore. He just kept me stringing along probably because he was unsure about what he wanted. So I finally left and made his decision easier. Waiting around was like living in a hell, I didn't want to be there. We agreed to cut each other out completely so we can heal.

 

He came back into my life willingly a month and a half later, after I left him. He was really upset and told me how much he missed me, how great of a person I was, and that he wanted me back in his life. I let him back in, and I can't even express to you how happy I was to hear him say that. Seeing him that night was amazing, it was like we were best friends again instantly. I told him I wanted to take things slow if we were going to try again, because I was scared, and he understood.

 

But then he hurt me.. he hurt me so bad and I didn't deserve any of it. He quickly started acting distant towards me again. He'd make plans, then bail on me last minute. He refused to come to my house because he was embarrassed, but wanted me to go to his house. My parents have always made him feel welcomed, his dad has never even tried to have one conversation with me. And the last thing I wanted to do was hang out in his room, because I didn't want to have sex until I was sure we were good again.

 

My anger was building up. I was SO mad. How dare he re-enters my life, and then resorts back to his same attitude towards me. It was SO ING hard for me to leave him, and I was proud of myself that I did it. Proud that I found respect for myself. We left on good terms, and I felt good about things. I accepted that it was just the way it is. I was starting to feel happy again, but no.. he comes back and treats me like all over again? NO.. no. I told him exactly how I felt. Then I still forgave him over.. and over.. repressed my anger.

 

Then since neither of us would go to each others houses, we went for a car ride. He apologized to me, told me that he wants to come to my house now. He told me I'm going to come tomorrow, and we can hang out. I was SO happy. I believed we made some progress. But then he ditched me again. He didn't even have the decency this time to tell me. I waited and waited for a call/text. What happened? We had such a great time in that car last night. We made out that night, and he came accross as very passionate. I saw him sitting on Facebook:

I said, "hi"

He said, "what's up?"

Me: "just waiting for you"

Him: "well then that's your problem"

..................Can you believe that? How rude is that? All my anger I've built up towards him just let loose. It was ugly. I said the most horrible things to him imaginable, and he did the same to me. Then he left me again, completely cut me out of his life. And I didn't chase him one bit, because I felt I deserved better. But I cried hard.. really hard..

 

8 months later and I still think about him. I still miss him, and almost everyday I wish I can just be in his arms for a moment. Sometimes I believe that when he grows up and changes his attitude, he will come back to me, and we will both be healed and start fresh and get married. It's a crazy fantasy, I know it won't happen. I wish we didn't end on bad terms. I hate that he came back into my life and did that to me. Why would he toy with my head like that? What the hell did he want from me? I left him on good terms, why did he have to make it end so badly? Sometimes I wonder if I just miss him because we ended so rough. But other times, I think about how much I cared for him and I actually believe I loved him. And unfortunately I think I loved him more than he ever loved me. And that ing hurts so much.

 

I've moved on.. I've learned from this relationship.. but I would just like to stop missing him. I can't seem to give anyone else a chance or let anyone else in emotionally because of this. I have incredible barriers I've put up. I've forgotten how to flirt. I feel like a part of me is empty.

[hopefully]

I like long stories, so its al right. You're going to stop missing him only if you want to. And that wont happen until you get rid of that tiny bit of hope left inside you. Its hard, but its easier than holding on that hope and suffering for 8 months. Just let go. start imagining a future without him, or without any partner. Sit down and think, what can i do to make myself feel whole again, and do those things. Please believe in yourself and i promise you that your life will get better, and when you're there you will look at this post and think "what the hell was i thinking?".

[sharky988]

I agree with the good advice above. I'd only add that time is also an element. I'm in the same ballpark as you time-wise, and still miss my ex. I'm also not dating yet, just because I don't feel ready.

 

I think it's important to remember that just because you still miss someone, it doesn't mean they were right for you or you were destined to be together.... it only means that you still miss them.

 

Keep moving ahead and in time you'll be ready to start dating other people. It's a journey! You'll get there.

[sare110]

Hugs!

 

I think there are a few things you need to do for yourself firstly you need to change the way you think about things... that is the only way to change your situation. Him changing will not happen, people dont changed and tell yourself, "i gave him chances time and time again and he let me down"... if he were to even change and come back then that sucks for him as he lost all his chance with you! Like said above posts... let go of that hope as its holding you back from accepting reality.

Secondly, i think you this guy has always had a huge hold on you, he made you happy when he wanted too and sad when he wanted too.. and he did it consistently. And even after 8 months post BU he still has a hold on you, shake it off... look at it in a way as if he is still causing your misery even though you still miss him.

and lastly, i hope you forgive yourself for all the chances youve given him. Not sure maybe subconsciously you are blaming yourself for going back.. the only way to let go of your past is by accepting you made mistakes and forgiving yourself for them. I know i have also taken my ex back numerous times only for him to leave... and i realized that i was angry with myself doing so. Make sure you are not too hard on yourself.

 

Stay positive, eventually his memories will become faded... life will move forward forcing you to as well, but presently make an active effort to evaluate what you might be doing wrong! Stay strong

[vix8]

You guys gave amazing advice, thank you so much. I feel better just reading it.

[bluevacuum]

Take him off the pedestal. Realize that the fantasy version of him doesn't exist, it's all in your head. He is not the person you thought he was and his behavior towards you isn't that of someone who has the maturity to take care of another person's feeling. Realize that you deserve better and really remain hopeful that you will find happiness again.

 

Let go of what was said in the past, you did the best you could and you are only human. Learn from your past relationship, build a better you and put your best foot forward. You will learn so much about life through this emotional roller coaster. You will see who you can trust with your emotions and who doesn't deserve any of your time. It's okay to have feelings and thoughts about him, but realize that's not reality and put the focus back to you and your life.

[Ms Darcy]

Whenever you start to miss him, go here and start educating yourself by reading the posts: link removed