Normalwudbnice Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 Maybe you're right. Doesn't make it any less frustrating. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 I do understand where you're coming from as well. My parents and I have just always been very open with each other Nothing good comes from telling your parents (or anyone close for that matter) about issues with a partner. You are building up dislike/resentment on their part, then when you stay attached they stay in a cautious "we don't like that guy mode" Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 You and bf are not compatible for the long haul. You need your parents approval for living, he has been on his own since 14. You were brought up to say "drugs are wrong"....he uses drugs. And, while you will tell your parents EVERYTHING @ your bf, including stuff that is none of their business, you will not tell your bf that you told your parents everything....because you don't want him to "resent them". Not a match. I think this is the top and bottom of it ...it is not a match ... and at least you recognise this now , and I wouldnt expect him to give up for you and your parents ..that will happen in his own time . and by the way , it is fair enough you don't want to be with someone who does this . Link to comment
Normalwudbnice Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 But we match in every other area. What am I to make of this? Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Nothing. Your parents resent him because of what you shared, and he should not need to change for your parents. Maybe --- lesson learned. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 But we match in every other area. What am I to make of this? which part ? Link to comment
Normalwudbnice Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 We match in aspirations, both familial and monetary. We agree on the same things, Strive to be better, have the same sense of humor, etc. there is also an abundance of chemistry which I've never felt before toward anyone. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 well think about it ....you agree on the monetary side ...you earn yours your way , he earns his his way ... so to have those aspirations in common is fab , but the bigger picture is the content of this is not a match and never will be , you need to see it as it is rather than wonder why this perfect match is not matching up . Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 He isn't dealing Shooting Star -- he grows his own. He has a job in the real world. Which is why it is so unbelieveable that OP felt the need to share this with her parents. And OP --- that you cannot be honest with your bf WHY your parents resent him says a lot about your "openness" with him. Link to comment
Normalwudbnice Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 I can be honest. I choose not to let him in on that bit because I don't want him to get even more stubborn and rebel against them. What is OP? Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 He isn't dealing Shooting Star -- he grows his own. He has a job in the real world. Which is why it is so unbelieveable that OP felt the need to share this with her parents. And OP --- that you cannot be honest with your bf WHY your parents resent him says a lot about your "openness" with him. AHHHHH right ...oh ...I did read it but somehow translated it as he grows ..but grows to see not just for his own percy .. thanks mhowe oh op ..I have to say all this fuss cos he grows a little crop to have a smoke ..it's not big time , loads of people have a plant ...it saves the risk of door knocking or deliveries etc ..it makes it more private . Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 you are the op ..opening poster or the first post is the op ...opening post Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 I can be honest. I choose not to let him in on that bit because I don't want him to get even more stubborn and rebel against them. What is OP? OP - Original Poster. The person who started the thread Link to comment
Normalwudbnice Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 It's very easy for an outsider to hate a parent, and vice versa. This is why I didn't tell him how they feel. I only told him that they don't agree with the pot-smoking (as nicely as I could put it, and he understood). I told my parents about it because I was looking for advice from people who know me best, and at the time they were somewhat ok with it, but have grown very weary of it as of late. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 "I can be honest". I choose not to be with my bf. Different value system. He has been open book to you. Link to comment
Normalwudbnice Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 Shooting star, do you smoke weed? Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 It's very easy for an outsider to hate a parent, and vice versa. This is why I didn't tell him how they feel. I only told him that they don't agree with the pot-smoking (as nicely as I could put it, and he understood). I told my parents about it because I was looking for advice from people who know me best, and at the time they were somewhat ok with it, but have grown very weary of it as of late. They thought a 30 yr old man was going to give up smoking pot because THEY didn't like it? It has been months, not years. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Shooting star, do you smoke weed? That matters not. Link to comment
Normalwudbnice Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 I am honest with him about everything else. But the parents thing is something that affects more than just me and him. This is why I am trying to shield them, and frankly regret having mentioned the weed to them at all. Big mistake no doubt. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 I am honest with him about everything else. But the parents thing is something that affects more than just me and him. This is why I am trying to shield them, and frankly regret having mentioned the weed to them at all. Big mistake no doubt. Well if you were dating a guy who already had your outlook on marijuana use you wouldn't be in this pickle. Link to comment
Normalwudbnice Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 No, because I don't like it. It makes me feel gross knowing he does. Link to comment
Normalwudbnice Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 We can't help with whom we fall in love with now, can we? Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 The parent thing, meaning they know he grows weed === affects ONLY you and him. Your parents already know. Huge mistake. But you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.And I think you aren't telling HIM you told THEM because he will not be at all pleased with YOUR lack of discretion. You don't get to be "kinda honest". Most of the time. Its like being "a little pregnant". It's not a situational thing,. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 We can't help with whom we fall in love with now, can we? Actually we can. "you smoke weed? Oh, sorry, that doesn't work for me, thanks for the lovely evening" Link to comment
Normalwudbnice Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 It seems to me like this has become a means of picking apart a momentarily vulnerable person. I came here looking for advice and am getting shat on by people that should not say anything unless their intent is to help. I'm not a stupid person, and will eventually make my own conclusions. Just thought some intelligent insight could've helped. Wrong place. Thanks anyway. Link to comment
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