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Heart Broken cuz he had me and another woman


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I have known this guy for a year. I had a crush on him for awhile but didn't act on it, knowing he had a girlfriend and I was just getting out of a relationship. Well, one day he confesses he broke up with his girlfriend and he moved out of their place into his own, etc. Inside I was jumping for joy and finally he was single. At this point he didn't know I liked him.


I called him up one day and was like "So, what are you doing tonite? Want to hang out"? and he was surprised and flattered that I liked him. He confessed he was into me as well, even when he had his girlfriend.


The only sucky part of this whole thing was that he lived an hour away from me and it was a hike just to hang out.


Well, after two months now of officially dating each other...he is the sweetest guy. He texts me on my cell every morning to tell me "Good Morning Beautiful".....he emails me all the time, etc. He tells me he really thinks I am the right girl for him to settle down with and sees a future with me. At this point, I am really falling hard for him and he is leading me to believe the same always asking me "What if you Fall madly in love with me....." etc. etc..


Well, on Thanksgiving Day (TODAY), I get a phone call from him. But, it wasn't him, it was his GIRLFRIEND! She leaves me a message and says "Just wanted to let you know that I am "so and so's" girlfriend of Two years. He has been messing w/me all this time when he's been messing with you"....etc. etc.


My heart completely dropped because this guy was so perfect for me! I mean, i know in my heart it wasn't just about sex, because sometimes he wouldn't even want to have sex, he would just want to light the candles and cuddle and stoke my hair, etc.......


I am so confused. How can guys be like this? Going into this relationship, he said to me "you are a heartbreaker, aren't you"? well, obviously, I'm not the heartbreaker - - - HE IS!!! I told him that i was so scared to get my heartbroken....... And another thing that doesn't make sense is that he was hesitant about dating me until all ties were cut with my ex-boyfriend. I just don't understand......what is in guys' heads? Why would they mess with girl's heads and hearts?

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Awww...I am so sorry you've been put through this.


Take it for what it is, he lied to you and played you...unless his ex is trying to get back together with him and decided to call you to make you back off of him?

I think that you should confront him on this. Find out what he has to say about this. At least now you have suspiousions about him and can be more weary about him should you choose to go further with this guy.


It's probably better to drop him like a hot potato. You don't need losers who'll lie to you!

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tiger_lilies knows what's up! You need to confront him on this. There is a slight possibility that his ex is a stalker and is trying to get back with him and is trying to mess up your relationship. Let's hope this is what it is.


How long was he broken up with his gf before you two hooked up or claimed to be broken up with his gf?


It really sounds like he's been trying to lead a double life. I'm sure that your heart is breaking. Mine already got broken this past Monday so I'm feeling down, too.

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Ballys and StarryEyes sorry to hear about your broken hearts.


After reading this post, I kinda teared up. I feel both of your pain. See? That's why I can't trust people like I used to. Whatever happened to those moments where we can just be ourselves, and not be so scared of getting hurt again. I hate it when I meet liars. I just hate it.


Look on the bright side: at least it's better to find out now than later, when it's too late, and things have gone too far. Trash this guy. Suck up the pain, and put on a happy smile. Realize that people like him are just really deceiving. Nice people get taken advantaged of, because there are just some truly cold hearted inviduals out there, who could care less about breaking other people's hearts! They don't ever live in remorse or feel regrets, because it's the other people's hearts that are hurting, not their's. We just have to be aware from now on. Me personally, from now on, I am really skeptical of people who I meet. I just don't get the feeling that things will get any better anymore. It hurts to know that we can't just be ourselves, and not worry about running into liars. It's annoying, isn't it?


My last ex was like that. Our situation was a little similar. But, the other girl was straight up in denial. Thought he loved me. He did the double life thing towards the end of our relationship. Oh well...That's life for you. It's so hard to find people who we can trust. When we open up our hearts, we get hurt. That's the price that we pay for love? I'm tired of this. My heart is really tired..

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You should confront the guy about this just to hear his side of the story. Hear him out first but you probably should just leave him, you don't deserve to have to put up with stuff like that. Sorry to say, there are alot of jerks out there, guys who don't know how to treat a woman right. But in the end they are the real losers. They'll use people to make themselves feel better but they'll never really feel good about it. Somewhere in there hearts there will be an empty feeling, a sense that they are not proud of themselves. They will wander around aimlessly, searching for love but never able to find it because of the way they act. You are better off without that kind of guy, so don't shed many tears over him.


And girls, don't give up hope. There are still a few prince charmings out there who will sweep you off your feet and treat you right. They might be hard to find, but they are out there and you'll find one eventually.

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Thank you for the encouragement. It's a lot easier said than done. I also wanted to add one more thing: be careful of prince charming. Sometimes, prince charming turns out to be our worst nightmare. When something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Proceed with caution. We don't want to get burned twice or three times, right? Just trying to be wiser the second time around, that's all..


P.S.-StarryEyez, thanks for sharing your story with us. A lot of what your ex did, reminds me of what my ex did. Candle lights, sweet talk, romance..etc. It really woke me up to reality. I wish us all the best of luck. Take care.

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Thanks everyone for your support. This especially sucked because it was Thanksgiving Day that all this went down!


UPDATE: He emailed me (yeah, guess he's too afraid to call and confront me or see me face to face).......He said that at the time him and I were "seeing each other" that him and his ex were not together (all though i believe this is a LIE because she said they were together and called me from HIS PHONE!).....anyways, he said he is sorry and does have feelings for me, but wants to work things out w/his ex.


I feel so burned...right in the heart. I know it's stupid to shed any tears on someone like this, but boy was he good at making me feel special and that is what hurts.


Bally...i am sorry you have gotten your heart recently broken as well. This REALLY SUcks HUH?! UGH!!! I just want to scream really hard into a pillow, but i'm at work and can't...haha


Well, I am glad that some of you know what I am going through and can feel my pain - - -I don't mean that I am glad that you have all had your hearts broken, I do NOT wish that upon ANYONE, but it's nice to have someone to lean on that knows what im going through!



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Sounds like this is a tough one. You have to confront him...tell him what she said, and try to figure out wether she is telling the truth or not. I mean if he's been spending every moment with you...when does he have the time to spend with her?? I will be honost, there is a good possibility this guy is cheating...however...there is also a very good possibility this girl is messing with you. I know from experience that girls can be very wily and decieving. I had a girl hunt me online through chat rooms, act as though it was on accident, and purposely tell me that she was having sex with my boyfriend. I mean this girl was psycho. My boyfriend pointed out to me the obvious...when did he have the time? I mean when he wasn't at school he was with me. I trust him. Even after she had the gall to do this, she would call him everyday and email him...when I was there. He would, in front of me, tell her to get lost and that he was there with his girlfriend, and she still didn't get the picture. (or she just didn't care, she just said...so? you aren't married...and even when he told her we were engaged she said...so that still doesn't mean we cant..ahem you know the f..word) I have never wanted to hit someone more in my entire life...


So girls can be just as much of a culprit as guys can be. Especially since she has had a past with him...she could just be saying these things to chase you off and get him back. She could have found out he was dating again and wanted him to suffer for whatever percieved wrong she felt he did her. I mean if he moved from her house as you had said and you had been there and there was no women's clothing or possessions (you can usually tell if there is a woman living there..) then it's a good sign that they broke up.


So you should confront him. If he claims that she is still out of his life and that you are the only one then tell him to call her and tell her to lay off...or else you will. Infact if he really is serious there's a good chance he will be as miffed as you are...he might do it while you are there. (which would be good proof) If she calls again after then you can be sure that she is simply causing a ruckus. Make sure you confront him at his house...and with little warning. Go to his house and if there is a girl there, drop him. If you call in advance and tell him you need to go over there to talk to him and it is very important...and he hesitates....drop him. If you go over there to talk to him and you notice there are some new additions to his house...we can all tell when there is a femine touch....drop him.


Either way..give him a chance..but on the same token don't let yourself be fooled by your emotions either. This is the best advice I can give to you. (and hopefully it made sense...cause lord knows I get kind of wordy when dealing with this sort of thing)

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Can I just say..........


What a _______fill in the blank________!!!!!!


in disgust


Girl, Im going to have to disagree with everyone about confronting him. He already sent you the email saying that he wants to work things out with his ex. GOOD RIDDANCE!!!! Don't let on that you even think he's worth the time of day!!


I say, at least you found out sooner rather than later, because it sure as heck didn't sound like he was going to be telling you himself anytime soon!


Another thing, (And I have been through a very similar situation as yourself!!!) I would put MONEY down that he will try to contact you again within the next few months. He's on thin ice with the long term g/f so he has to have concrete evidence that he's cut you out of his life, then later, when she's okay again, he'll reappear. Ugh.


I wouldn't buy for one minute that they weren't together when he was with you. I would only wonder what else the loser lied about! He didn't even have the cajones to tell you himself, he had to send you an email! And obviously he was hanging out with his "ex" or she wouldn't have been able to call from his phone!


Be a strong woman, if ......no ........WHEN he tries to weasel his way back into your life, tell him where to put it.

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Oh My Gosh Girl.......you hit it right on the money with all my thoughts! You must be in my brain!!! hahaha You must have been through exactly what I am going through.......

I would love to sit down and have a cup of joe with you and exchange thoughts on how dirty this guy is!


yes, you are right...there is NO way i'm confronting him at all...Like you said, he already told me he was going to "Work things out w/his EX because he has a 'history' with her"......And you are also COMPLETELY right in saying that he definitely was NOT going to tell me he had plans to get back with his ex anytime soon (Which I am SURE he was trying the whole time I was dating him!!!!!!!) HELLO>>She Called Him from HIS PHONE!


I haven't seen him or talked to him since the stupid email coversation we had.......You have NO CLUE how much I want to see him and just see how he reacts...I know he doesn't know what to say to me cuz he prob feels like such an idiot!

What I would reallllllly love to do: is to see him, act all nice and forgiving like I want him back, and then once he tries to apologize and make a move on me.......Tell him to F*** Off, Kick him really hard where it hurts, and spit in his face for being such a LIAR!...but that would be pretty harsh. Guess I still have pretty ill feelings about him.....and prob will for awhile.....


Like you also said.....I wonder what else he was lying to me about!

What hurts the most is that he was soooooooooooooo fricken good at making me believe he really wanted to pursue me......the day before his GIRLFRIEND called me.....he wrote me this really sweet email saying how much he was getting attached to me and how he wanted to take me on this really romantic weekend in New York City (carriage ride and all) and just start taking the "next step" into our relationship......he was even talking about eventually moving in together and all! What A Bullsh*tter! *(sorry bout the language).....but seriously! Who says all that and then the next day writes me an email stating he wants to try to work things out w/his ex. That is why i am so pissed off and confused?! What if she didn't call me? What if I would have still been seeing him to this day? In a way, I am so grateful to his G/F that she did call me and tell me what was going on......cuz I would have felt so much more crappier if the relationship would have went on for a long time like this.....


I just want to say Thanks everyone for all your imput and advice.....it really helps...Honestly!


P.S. PrincessLinzay - - If he even tries to get back w/me or call me up one day.....You have it sooooo right...I'll tell him where to put it! *(But first I will laugh at him telling him that it is the funniest thing in the world to even think i would give him the time of day again!) hahahahahaaaaa

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I just remember when it happened to me I was like......."Are you joking?" The "GF" is the one who told me also, and he's sitting there everyday practically spouting love sonnets. Ugh. Some men really are pieces of work. Then about a month later he tried to contact me again. I was laughing my behind off! HAHAHA.


I know it's like getting kicked in the stomach at first, but when you look back on it in retrospect later you're just like......"Did that Jerry Springer crap just happen to me?" Then you laugh about it.


Well keep on laughing girl, and if you're feeling down, feel free to PM me.

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You said you'd like to make him feel that you want to forgive him then just as he's believing it, knee him where it hurts and spit in his face. You also said you thought that was a little too harsh.


Well... from a nice guy's point of view, I don't think it's harsh at all. Men like this make things incredibly tough on nice guys like me and need to be taught a lessons in hurting people's feelings. I'm the kind of person that does all the things (candles, cuddling, etc) this guy does because I want the person I'm with to feel special, thats it. No other motives, I just want that someone special to know just how much I love them. When guys like this come along before me in someone's life, the person I'm with will immediately start to have the warning bells go off when I try to show them how much I love them. They are scarred from the previous experience and imediately I'm "not to be trusted". I don't blame the women though, they are only looking out for themselves and don't want to be hurt. I DO blame jerks like this.

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