Weird friend... don't know what to do....

[OmegaMan]

I have this weird friend at work. She is a beautiful, funny person. Everything is perfect when we are together and we have loads of fun. I always try to be kind to her (not nice, kind) and have been very comprehensive of many things.

 

She sometimes have reactions which I just don't understand. She sometimes make jokes which are quite simply hurtful. They're not even jokes (since there is nothing funny about them), they're just mean comments said in a jokingly way.

 

She also has the tendency to make comments like that when we're in a group, so I look silly, stupid or to humiliate me. The thing is, from what I gather, I have not done anything to instigate those kind of behaviours.

 

Every time I don't say anything, it then burns me inside. Like some kind of venom. Writing it does some good, however it doesn't go completely away.

 

I think I still live in a world of fantasy where if you treat someone right, they will treat you right in return, with respect. But she doesn't.

 

I know what some of you will say, that she isn't a good friend, that I should dump her. But she is so genuinely cool sometimes and I do have a lot of fun with her.

 

I know, I know, I probably should talk to her, explain to her what pisses me off about her comments. I have trouble with self-affirmation. I either don't say anything or I burst up and overreacted and praticly slaughter the person in front of me (in a litteral way of course).

 

But If I don't say anything, it stays down there and boils and brews.

 

Well, I will read any comments with great interest.

 

Thank you for reading.

 

Etienne aka Omega Man.

[atigdng]

I have experienced and seen that same type of behavior before and I would have to say that the person likes you and is trying to get your attention and trying to get you to react, it is not like she is being out right mean but is testing you and seeing how you react.

 

You may need to not let what she says effect you that way if she is the type that jokes in a mean way just to get your attention, like if you are in a gathering she may not realise that it would be bad to say something mean like that.

 

I recommend that if you think she is a good friend then let her know quietly and clearly that you would appreciate her to hold her tongue, or think more before she says things, it will probably help, just talk to her.

[OmegaMan]

Mmm.. thank you for your reply. You know, when I think about it, it kind of ruined my day. I know, I know, it sounds silly. She didn't really say something that bad.

 

I REALLY have trouble making an abstraction of what people say to me. I don't understand why people say mean things, so I don't know how to react when someone does say something. I feel like kicking their ass, but does it really help?

 

To me, being mean without reason towards someone is completely illogical. I just don't get it. If somehow I could understand that, I could react differently.

 

You know what makes me afraid in mentionning something I didn't like to someone else? I'm afraid It's going to ruin the relationship or cause a dispute of some sort.

 

What do you think?

 

Etienne

[sisterlynch]

Hi Omega Man,

 

How are you doing? I think that you need to make your feelings about her comments perfectly clear. She needs to know that what she is saying is wrong. Tell her how you feel in a calm confident way and you will do ok.

[OmegaMan]

Hi Sister, I see you've made it to the Royal Member status! Congrats! You've earned it.

 

Thanks for your comment. I have left a messag on her phonebox, I think I've done things properly. This still doesn't give me a clue as to how not to let everyone's comments get to you. I really have to figure this one out.

 

O. M.

[defygravity]

I've actaully got a good friend of mine that does the same sort of thing...Everytime it was just the two of us, she was fine but for some reason (especailly around guys) she ALWAYS made fun of me...she chose the things that she knew would really hurt me and said them to get a laugh out of them...I pretended it didn't bother me but one day when I was alone with her I asked her about it and told her that it bothered me. She told me she didn't realize that she was doing anything wrong which I don't believe....however, talking to her definitely made a difference...she still does it on occasion but she catches herself and apologizes....hopefully your friend will do the same

[Mun]

Hi there,

I think your friend is insecure. There are two things I would do in this situation.

 

1. I would walk away when she is doing this and just leave her talking to herself--or whoever she is talking to... and ignore her after that because she is not being a friend at all.

or

2. I would pull her aside and talk to her about it. Let her know that I have caught on to what she is doing and that it bothers me. Ask her why she is doing it--see what explanation she has.

 

I hope you figure it out.

 

Love

[OmegaMan]

Thanks for the advices,

 

I have told her in a message that I don't like much what she said. She didn't talk about it again, Soo... I guess she doesn't want to admit she did me wrong. As my psychologist said, I don't have any power over that.

 

Etienne