Mental stimulation

[MattW]

I feel like I may not be the most "normal" of individuals when it comes to approaching attraction and dating, and whatnot. Honestly, I still really don't understand how it works. I'm basically almost completely uninterested in "physical stimulation". I don't care how a girl looks, I don't "notice" good-looking women, I never find myself "oggling" girls, or anything like that. I just don't care. That's not to say I have zero interest in sex, but rather, I'm much more interested in someone who stimulates me mentally. And unfortunately, that's not something you can identify quickly enough to assess, like you can with looks.

 

Even when I do get to know girls a little better, I never find any of them mentally stimulating to myself to the point where I'd want to go on a date with them. I just don't "feel" it, yanno? On the rare occasion that I do find someone that stimulates me mentally, she's always more attracted to someone that stimulates her physically. It's a bit disheartening.

 

I've even tried online dating numerous times over the years. I never found any girls on any sites that I REALLY wanted to go on a date with, but I always forced myself to try writing to any girl that seemed okay to me. While I've never actually kept track of the numbers, I'd say I've contacted and tried to meet somewhere between 80-100 girls via various dating sites, and among them, only a tiny fraction ever responded to my messages (I consider a lack of response as a "rejection"), and among that minority, none were ever interested enough to meet up with me.

 

So, I just keep wondering what the heck I'm supposed to do. I'm sick of not being able to find anyone that's "mentally stimulating" to me, and I'm sick of finding someone that DOES stimulate me mentally, only for them to date guys that are much more "physically stimulating" than I'll ever be. It's frustrating, and I just don't really understand.

[Cheetarah]

What is your personal definition of mentally stimulating?

[quirky]

I wonder the same as Cheetarah. I know many girls that are mega intelligent and single. To not care about her looks at all is a bit unusual and most girls want to feel desired. How about joining a specific online dating site geared around your interestes? A lot of atheists are science people (I was part of a group and with no exception everyone was brainy) you can join an atheist dating site. Or a meetup group for intellectuals.

[MattW]

I guess it's hard to really put into words. I don't necessarily place myself into any one kind of group, like atheist, or "super intelligent", I just have very peculiar outlooks and a peculiar sense of humor that's very... different from what most people seem to have. Ideally, I want to date someone that understands, and preferably, is the same as me in those regards.

 

Believe it or not, I really don't factor in physical assets into attraction at all. Again, that's not to say I have no sexual desires, but I'm more "turned on" by how well I get along with someone.

 

The physical stuff is a little worrisome to me. I've always heard that guys don't have to be good looking to be attractive, but I wonder how true that really is. I'm okay with how I look, but I'm not (nor will I ever be) the hottest, most rugged manly guy in the world. Seems like when I do hit it off with a girl, though, that's the kind of guy she'd actually want to date, someone that's rugged and "hot", so I'm just the goofy looking guy that's maybe funny every now and then, but all around isn't someone anyone would actually want to date.