My Boyfriend's Mum suggested he should get rid of distractions (THATS ME)

[airplane]

Okay, So Its been 6 days since my boyfriend left for good. He is now back to his hometown for a while then he will go to another country for work. I am a flight attendant and visiting him is no problem for me. Next month i can go to see him 4 times, with a total of at least 12 days. Not bad for a long distance relationship. He did however warn me that he will be working long hours and needs to report for work early as well because he needs to make a good impression in his new work place. I completely understand that.

 

What surprised me though is the fact that he mentioned that his mum said something along the lines of "She's visiting you 4 times in your first month? Don't you think that is a bit too much? If she is just a distraction then get rid of her" I was very surprised that she said that because she always said she liked me whenever I call them up.

 

Strange thing as well is that my boyfriend reasoned out "Its easier for me to date her whilst i'm there rather than investing more time dating a new girl. Plus she is not a bother because she can cook for me whilst she's there so dinner will be ready by the time I get home"

 

I know about all these things because my boyfriend himself told me about it.

 

Is it me, or is there something wrong with the entire picture?

[Edmund Exley]

I would be more concerned with his reasoning than I would her statements

[DN]

He should not have told you that. But his mother's first priority is him and she is concerned about what is best for him. Perhaps she feels he is not as emotionally invested in you as he is telling you.

[Heather Dawn]

How old is he? And yes, my concern would be focused more on his statements. Does he love you, or are you just a convenience for him (and a cook)?

[airplane]

He should not have told you that. But his mother's first priority is him and she is concerned about what is best for him. Perhaps she feels he is not as emotionally invested in you as he is telling you.

 

I do understand his mother's priority is him. What really bothers me is the fact that he expects me to cook dinner for him every single day when I visit him. I dont even cook for myself.

[airplane]

How old is he? And yes, my concern would be focused more on his statements. Does he love you, or are you just a convenience for him (and a cook)?

 

LOL Actually I hate cooking. That's why i'm so annoyed by him always mentioning that I will cook for him. That means I have to do the grocery shopping as well? As though its not enough that I'm flying 8 hrs to see him. He is 29, i'm 27

[Heather Dawn]

Sounds like he's looking for another mother!

[DN]

LOL Actually I hate cooking. That's why i'm so annoyed by him always mentioning that I will cook for him. That means I have to do the grocery shopping as well? As though its not enough that I'm flying 8 hrs to see him. He is 29, i'm 27

Well, I suppose if you are staying with him while he is working then doing something to help out is reasonable, but demanding that you cook seems sexist.

 

I would not go the route of 'flying 8 hours to see him' because that is for your benefit as much as his, don't make it seem like you are doing him a favour.

 

But the main point is - is he in this relationship for the right reasons? Don't get distracted by symptoms, look for what is really going on.

[airplane]

Well, I suppose if you are staying with him while he is working then doing something to help out is reasonable, but demanding that you cook seems sexist.

 

I would not go the route of 'flying 8 hours to see him' because that is for your benefit as much as his, don't make it seem like you are doing him a favour.

 

But the main point is - is he in this relationship for the right reasons? Don't get distracted by symptoms, look for what is really going on.

 

 

Ok, i'll give you a clue. He mentioned he wanted to get married in a year so that we wont be apart anymore. 2 months before he left, he withdrew his statement and told me he doesn't want to marry me. Only to explain later that he feels stressed out by the responsibilities of married life and having to support a family. He always worried about my career as well because I can't be a flight attendant forever, and how am I gonna support the family if I dont have a job that pays a good amount of salary. Why is he is this relationship when he has so many doubts. I'm not sure as well. Perhaps I'm a safety net, in case there's nobody else. And if he finds another one then he'll get rid of me.

[DN]

He seems very self-centered.

[Heather Dawn]

Ok, i'll give you a clue. He mentioned he wanted to get married in a year so that we wont be apart anymore. 2 months before he left, he withdrew his statement and told me he doesn't want to marry me. Only to explain later that he feels stressed out by the responsibilities of married life and having to support a family. He always worried about my career as well because I can't be a flight attendant forever, and how am I gonna support the family if I dont have a job that pays a good amount of salary. Why is he is this relationship when he has so many doubts. I'm not sure as well. Perhaps I'm a safety net, in case there's nobody else. And if he finds another one then he'll get rid of me.

 

The better question: why are YOU in this relationship when you know all this about him?

[airplane]

The better question: why are YOU in this relationship when you know all this about him?

 

right.. you have a point. I dont know the answer as well.