Existence seems futile

[mymelancholysoul]

I am not alive. Or at least, I have not felt alive in many years. Remembering the last time I even....felt much of anything is difficult. I wake up every morning and...exist. So whats the point? I understand and know how pointless suicide is. I know it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I will not sit here and write a suicide letter or say how everyone will be sorry when I'm gone. I doubt people would truly cry because I know they expect these feelings of me. But still...the temptation...its nail biting. I sit here and stare at the walls and want to just...seep into the paint. I want to be gone and forgotten....like I never existed. -sighs- I ramble too much....I need a coffin....

[SkyFire]

Not felt alive?

 

Easy: GO OUT AND LIVE!

 

Improve your life. Take up hobbies and interests. Play sports. Go out, meet people.

 

Sitting here thinking about it will not make it better, you have to ACT.

 

Now go out and LIVE!

[mymelancholysoul]

So being in theater and choir and running and doing loads of extracurriculars isn't doing stuff? It is. It isnt that easy...please dont act like it is. I do stuff all the time...doesnt make me feel any more or less alive. I knew I shouldnt have posted my ramblings -wrinkles face- Oi

[anonymous1990]

When i am stressed out or depressed, and feel really down, like theres no point to life, or that im an outcast, and everything is screwed up i find that i need something to work towards. Something to live for. Try setting some goals, and working towards them. Be in control of your life, instead of trying to help other people a lot, be somewhat selfish for a little while. Do what you feel like, go out and have fun...Make friends, enjoy their company. You may think people are cold and distant but if you approach them and take the time to get to know them most are nice people. Live life and concentrate on good times with your friends as you work towards goals you set. Both short term and long term. For example, something you want to do by the end of the week, and something you want to do to make the world better before you die. Next time your staring at the wall think: Theres a reason im here. I wouldnt be here if there wasnt. Your life is meaningful. Even if it doesnt seem like it at the moment

[takingupspaces]

hi nicole, its me katherine, i feel like i'm the most horrible person in the world...for a few months now i've been following your posts here on enotalone and ryl...and have been to chicken to speak up or answer any of your posts because i felt as if i was invadeing your space on the internet if i did...but now i have the "balls" so to say to talk to you...so many people at school, your friends and on the internet care about you so much, i know i myself love you like a sister because thats what i feel you are to me, and i for one would cry forever if you weren't here for some reason. just ask renee, back in sept. i sobbed for 40 min. in free period because i was worried about you, nicole you can talk to me whenever, phone, real life, on the internet, and i will be here not to help but to go through anything you are going through with you. Nicole you are my best friend and the one i admire the most, you are so strong that if your emotional strenght was phyical you could support the world...

[mymelancholysoul]

Katherine,

I am so sorry I scared or upset you. I had...no idea you were following my posts on here or RYL. I can't even imagine what kind of person you think I am. You mean so much to me and I have never, ever fought with you about anything. I am so...thankful I have you as my friend. I don't mean for these posts to scare or worry you. I never knew you were apart of either site. I'm so sorry for how I have been acting. I know I can talk to you, but sometimes...Its hard for me to talk things out with the people I know in real life. I hate feeling judged or guilty and hate putting pressure on my friends for how I act. Im sorry...Im so sorry.

[takingupspaces]

i'm always gonna worry about all my friends, i just wanted to let you know that there is someone here always for you in me. and its ok that somethings are just hard to talk about to people you know and that's why i am so glad that there are sites like this were anyone can vent, seek help, give help ect. never be sorry for your own thoughts or feelings, those are some of the most uncontrolable things in the world, i just always want you to know that i love you and will always listen

[mahlina]

Hey...I'm surprised to read your post, especially where you phrased "I am not alive." Just wanted to let you know, you are not alone with this. Somedays, I'll ask the same exact question. I wonder why God or whatever that external force is, why is it that he/she/it keeps me alive. Why I have a pulse running through my veins. Why the hell do I want to live anymore? Why I just can't die young. But, then again, you have to think, life is really tough. Life is what we make of it. It's a struggle to survive.

 

In the end, there's no way to escape from our pain. We just have to force ourselves to improve. Sometimes, we'll have a tendency to want to fall down, and just give up. I have that tendency to think this way too. Well..just hang in there. Like how that annoying cliche goes: it's not the end of the world. We will all have our good days, and our bad days.

[avman]

Hey mymelancholysoul,

 

Friends want to hear about the feelings that you have. They love you and support you. You are not bothering them by telling them you feel horrible, or lonely, or suicidal. They WANT you to need them.

 

Its obvious that takingupspaces cares about you a lot. So you don't have to apologize to her. Talk to her. Vent at her. Cry on her shoulder. Friends are wonderful that way.

 

Hang in there. We want you to feel better.