8888 Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 I was with a girl for about 6 months and things started to get pretty serious and it scared me. I was still jaded about relationships due to a terrible one I was in a couple years back. Anyway she told me she loved me and wanted to be with me and it totally freaked me out. I wasn't ready for that type of commitment. I thought I would be able to get back into it. She was so good to me and I still couldn't do it. This ended last october. I messaged her a couple times to see how she was doing because I hurt her badly and I felt terrible about it. She wouldn't reply, unfriended me on fb etc. I heard through a friend in January that she still wasn't over me and guess messaging her was not helping so I stopped. She told a friend that she thought i was the one and I she was badly hurt when I left her. Anyway I was away on a long holiday, I just returned home recently. Being away from work and routine really enabled me to think clearly about the issues and things I had to change in my life. I also realized that I'm ready to let someone into my life and not let my past influence my decisions. I thought about her a lot while I was away, like how amazing it would be if we were together on this holiday and stuff like that. I came so close to messaging her a couple times, like the whole message was written and ready to go but then I'd just abort. When I came back, a couple days later I messaged her "I miss you" and that's it. I know it's not much and a difficult message to reply to. I feel like it's a delicate situation and I don't even know if she's with someone or not. Can't get her off my mind now. Should I call her and tell her how I really feel? I feel like its been so long and there's no point. Link to comment
stuka80 Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 Sounds like she was a good woman and genuinely liked you. Whatever it is you did, tell her that you are sincerely sorry for what you did and more importantly, that it caused her so much pain and if she is still willing, that you and her could start over when she's ready. After that leave her alone, the ball would be on her court and hopefully for your sake she forgives you and decides to take you back. Link to comment
aw4919 Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 If you've given it a lot of thought (and it seems like you have) and you are ready to try again, the only chance you have is to tell her exactly how you feel and what made you feel that way. If you dumped her when she thought you were 'the one', I dont think saying you miss her is going to be nearly enough to convince her she's more than just a way for you to pass the time. If she responds, I'm sure she will have questions. Its your job to answer them honestly and allow her time to consider. Link to comment
Poppy xoxo Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 Oh dear. Unfortunately I am on the other end of the same scenario and I cannot explain how painful it has been for me. But I am at the beginning of this breakup so I can't say how she feels right now. She is probably pretty scared of being hurt again in my opinion. Link to comment
Poppy xoxo Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 I realise I didn't give advice so just adding to that! I agree with what others have said but I will add be honest, tell her how you feel, put the ball in her court. Be gracious, be kind and realise she may not want to let you back into her life after having felt that pain but you never know, maybe she is doing the same thing, writing replies and not sure what to say. It all takes time I have realised. Good luck! Link to comment
markie6 Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 If you're sure you won't freak out again, then why not ? Nobody likes getting hurt and being rejected , so she might not entertain the idea... but then again she might. Pick up the phone and call her or pop and see her, no weak text messages that could look like breadcrumbs..... good luck Link to comment
8888 Posted June 21, 2013 Author Share Posted June 21, 2013 I won't freak out. I'm just scared of screwing up and hurting her again. I can't do that to her. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 If you are not completely sure that you want a committed relationship with her, don't bother her. Link to comment
Poppy xoxo Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 I second that, you really need to be sure otherwise it's not fair to attempt to go back again. Link to comment
aw4919 Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 Yes, everyone is absolutely right that you shouldn't go in like a tornado and tear apart her little trailer park until you're sure you're in it for the long haul. But no, life has no guarantees, and you can never be 110% sure of anything. Nobody goes into a relationship, new or old, with the intention of hurting the other person. It doesn't mean it's not worth a shot. That is why I said that you must be completely honest from the beginning. With her and yourself. Think about the things you say to her before you say them, don't make promises until you're sure you're going to keep them, and don't avoid hurting her feelings if change needs to happen. Relationships are WORK. They're the hardest, and most gratifying work that a person can do. If both of you are willing to put in the hard work, you will gain something that very few people get to have. It's like being a self-made millionaire, in a way, only better because it's more than just material. I think too many relationships (including mine) fail because people make promises that they mean to keep, find out how much time and work it would require, and decide to scrap the whole thing like a failed business endeavor. If you want to put in hard work and build a relationship with her, then you should go for it, even if neither of you are 100% certain that it will work out the second time around. If you just like her and you just want to have fun with her, if you're just curious as to how it would be, then leave her alone. Link to comment
8888 Posted June 22, 2013 Author Share Posted June 22, 2013 Thanks 4919, I think I need to think it over a little more. Link to comment
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