Girl friend says too controlling, broke up, what can i do?

[Mr_Turtle]

I have a huge problem that is consuming my whole life!

 

My girlfriend of two years broke up with me a week ago saying i was controlling and made her have to live up to standards. I admited to her that i was controlling, but was learning to loosen up. THe reason i was controlling was because of my insecurity, and she knows this. She is now saying that she wants to figure out if she loves me, or loved being in love. She said she will tell me as soon as she knows which it is, but i am scared of her answer. She still loves me, and still sleeps with the teddy bear i gave her and says she looks at my picture every night, but will not take me back.

 

Any advice on the steps i should take to get her back?

 

ps, i am 16 and she is 15

[Blondie Blue]

well im sure this isnt what you want hear but my advice is to just let her take her time. by rushing her you are just proving her point of being too controlling. just give her some space. eventually she'll make up her mind - but in the mean time just be a great friend to her. thats probably all she wants right now as she makes up her mind.

[Beec]

1. Stop trying to make any overt actions to get her back. This does not mean you are not, but just like you are not looking like you want her back. If she knows you want her back, then she can come back at anytime.

 

2. Give her some indication that you will accept her as she is. This is what she really wants. You controlling is about what? What other people think of your gf? She thinks, whether she admits it or not, that you should jsut take her as she is. She wants to be loved for who she is. My indication would be you letting her know you regret not doing this, you regret being insecure and know you have to work on it, and maybe you should just not have a gf until you get it figured out, say it, but them disclaim it quickly too. That last part is only a thought.

 

3. When you talk to her, listen. Just look at her face, mostly her eyes and listen.

 

Those are your first three steps.

[Mr_Turtle]

thanks,

she says she wants to be friends now, and that if she feels in time that she loves me, then she will realize she needs me

but she does not know what she will do after that....

[Beec]

If she wants you and needs you, what do you think she will do? I don't think she will want to be "just friends".

[Phoenix Down]

Show her the changes you've made, but make sure theose changes are real or you'll end up back where you are now, with maybe with no chance at all. It sounds like she will be back, but honestly, make sure you've fixed whats been broken. Good luck PD

[Mr_Turtle]

thanks you all for the help

[Mr_Turtle]

still need more knowledge if any one has any to give....

any help is much appreciated...