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Twenty years ago I was seeing a gentleman that I worked with. He was married. I was not. We hit it off immediately. We enjoyed each other's company and laughed and flirted and talked on the phone. Somehow we went our separate ways. I got married and although we work in generally the same environment and in the same county, we rarely saw one another. Maybe 2 or 3 times over 20 years. He was often on my mind. I would drive by where he worked and hope for a sighting. Approximately a year ago, we had occasion to email one another and things progressed from there. We connected again like we had never been apart. It has always been very easy to talk to each other and we enjoy each other's sense of humor. I was nervous about seeing him since I am much heavier now than I was then, but when we saw each other, he couldn't have been more complimentary. We ended up talking, emailing, text messaging and seeing each other as often as we could. We ended up having a sexual relationship. At the very beginning he was honest with me and told me that although he cared for me, he couldn't ever leave his family, because his kids (who are grown) would never forgive him and he couldn't handle their loss of respect for him. Truthfully, this is one of his most endearing qualities is his love for his kids. I'll admit that I went bonkers. I kept hoping I could win him over to my side. He has said he loves me, but I kept hounding him, wanting more. I've told him to go away several times, hoping he'd fight to keep me. I've also given him opportunities to tell me to leave him alone and he won't do it. He says he wants to keep me in his life. But now, because of my irrational behavior, he has pulled back and does not want to have any kind of a physical relationship, including kissing. I'm trying my hardest to behave and act like a normal human being. So here's my question: If I give him the time and space that he wants, do you think I have a chance of regaining his trust and desire?

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My honest opinion is that if you give him time and space, he may come back for an occasional sexual encounter. But that's about it. The man is married - all he wanted was an affair, but you tried to turn it into something more. I'm sorry, but this is about what you can expect when you get involved with someone who is married.

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Hi there,

The title of your post is "What does he want" but what I would like to know is What do you want?


You're asking if giving him space and time will re-ignite his desire for you, but does that mean you will accept him as before--he is still married. Or that you are hoping this will convince him to leave his marriage?


What drove him away in the first place was you "hounding" him as he had already outlined the conditions of this relationship ( all favorable to him of course) and from what you have said you were not satisfied with that. As soon as the chips were no longer stacked in his favor ( you began to complain) he was all too eager to let you walk. So what is different now?


My personal belief is that we should never sacrifice ourselves to the point of unhappiness in order to keep a relationship. We will only end up resenting our partner ( and hating ourselves) and then neither one will be happy.


and that's my 2 cents

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