I need help...badly

[nothing_left]

Ok well me and my ex dated for nearly two years, followed by a very bad break up because we fought too much. I never did get over him. He came crawling back a few times and kept screwing me over, the most recent time was this summer for another girl. Well...we've been friends but a bit more for awhile now and once again he was with another girl on the weekend. I can't handle it, it hurts so much, he used to be scared of girls except me and now *BAM* he's skanking every one he sees. How do I get over him ? How do I let go of the past ? And how do I stop this jealousy? I know it won't completely go away, but I want it to fade a bit. Tomorrow he's going to be with more girls and the thought kills me. I just want to stop loving him. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mun]

Hi there,

Oh I understand your pain. I'm sorry you are hurting and I only know one solution to this: Stop seeing him.

 

You are not going to be able to shut off your feelings at the drop of a hat. That's impossible to do, but if you keep yourself away from him you may be able to start healing. Seeing him constantly keeps giving you hope. It's like a drug. The best way to get over him is to cut him out of your life for now.

 

I can only guess that he is around your age, so he is still experimenting and learning. He isn't ready for something serious and his actions show this.

 

Take care of yourself. I know it feels miserable now, but you tell yourself that you deserve better and somewhere down the line you will be glad you let him go. Keep your chin up.

[finnerss]

I know how that feels, and yes, it's pretty much a killer feeling. I agree that the best thing you can do is stop seeing him, but I'm figuring out that given your age, probably you go to the same school, probably even in the same classroom, which makes it a living hell. If you can give me more info about that, it might be easier to come up with a solution.

 

You are already aware that the real solution is to "Stop" loving him, and yes, you're partially right, and I Say partially because life goes around in many ways and maybe someday you'll be good friends with him or even more. What you need to take care of is the "Now-now", so let's look at some options.

 

A thing that is really really painful but it's a little easier if you accept one fact, is that with every sad experience, there's a period of mourning, that means that only time is going to make it better, and sometimes it gets to feel a lot worse before starting to heal, so feel at ease with your pain in that regard, realize that this will get to pass. The only way that it won't get to pass, is if you fixate or become obsessed with him, trying to focus on everything he does or doesn't do, and I know how hard that is.

 

Look for your options : 1.- try to find any kind of hobby, if you're both in the same school, maybe some sport, or some extra-scholar activity, and focus on it as if your life depended on it, trying to be the best at it. Anything that makes you feel that he is nothing more than a distraction, and try bonding with the people who are in that same activity, even try to see for better things than the ones you might now about that guy, comparisons are bad in a relationship, but it's true that sometimes they are good when you're healing from another one, realizing that there's better people, and even feeling mad at him might help so you can focus on the good things from other people.

 

Try picturing yourself with someone else, for the future, not to act out and trying to be with someone, that's not the solution, but try realizing that you'll be better off with someone better, in due time. All of this can help your mind be focused on ANYTHING else than him, and all that can be welcome.

 

Try being with friends of yours and make them realize that you need to stay as clear as possible from every subject that involves him, so that they are supportive, because sometimes friends can make you become focused on the problem while trying to help.

 

These are only a few thoughts, and they might not work, so let's hope more suggestions come in but hopefully this can help as well.

 

Also, if need be, cry, and even better if you do it about something else than him, for instance : Some moving movie, something that makes you cry out of good emotions more than sad ones, but crying over other issues sometimes helps as well.

 

(one more thing, keep on writing in here, but trying to stay focused on how you feel and not about what this guy's doing, trying to stay clear of him as well, it's time to focus on YOURSELF)

[nothing_left]

Thanks for the advice..yes he's the same age as me but we don't go to the same school anymore. I changed after grade 9 when we broke up and I needed to be far away from him. After I changed schools though, we moved 4 houses down from him, doesn't help seeing him all the time. I don't know how to stop talking to him it's really hard. I want him in my life so bad but I can't stand the thought of other girls...it's like he completely changed over the past couple of years and now he's a different person but I still love him and I don't know why. I try and keep myself occupied with friends, snowboarding soon, swimming and horseback riding but it's hard when the thought of him crosses my mind, my heart sinks and the pain all comes back. When I'm alone and just thinking it's the worst. How do I stop myself from wanting to call him or talk to him on MSN? I've tried this before and it's really hard, I'm running out of hope!!