"I don't want to lose you." ??

[nfperception]

So he knows he lied to you but he forgot what about - is that right?? That sounds a bit odd to me - if I have understood that correctly that is. Though, to be honest, all his answers were extremely vague. This vagueness can only be a cover-up because he doesn't want to come clean about something.

 

I kept asking him what he lied to me about, and that's what he said.

[nfperception]

You judge them by their ACTIONS. Never by their WORDS.

 

Do you think these types of people ever feel guilty about what they're doing, or do they just have no conscience?

[Tanzi]

He mentioned that if he were to come back into my life two years from now, would I answer? When I said no, he scoffed at me and looked very annoyed.

 

He scoffed at you because you wouldn't wait around for him for two years?? ..... Priceless. Well, at least you gave him the right answer!

[Tanzi]

I kept asking him what he lied to me about, and that's what he said.

 

Lying to someone is a conscious decision. So is doing something you know is going to hurt your partner. I'm not sure how he can know he lied but forget what about. He just didn't want to 'fess up.

[nfperception]

He scoffed at you because you wouldn't wait around for him for two years?? ..... Priceless. Well, at least you gave him the right answer!

 

Yes, all this actually happened to me. All of it. He also wanted to be friends after the break-up, and I said I can't do that. He looked disappointed and said "you're right ex's can't be friends".

[nfperception]

Lying to someone is a conscious decision. So is doing something you know is going to hurt your partner. I'm not sure how he can know he lied but forget what about. He just didn't want to 'fess up.

 

He also told people that I hurt him.

[nfperception]

He also started blaming things on me and bringing up stuff that happened months ago.

[nfperception]

Will people and/or his friends ever find out who he truly is, or is he just too sneaky?

[Clio]

Will people and/or his friends ever find out who he truly is, or is he just too sneaky?

Some will, some won't but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. It won't change what happened. As hard as it is, you need to dettach from the outcome and remove him from your thoughts. The opposite of love is indifference. If it is any consollation, eventually he will reap what he sowed. We all do. Let life take care of it and focus on making yourself happy.

[Kendahke]

The way you know if someone is going to lie in the future is to observe their past, because past is prologue, especially, if they've never gone through any intensive therapy to resolve the lying issue to begin with. I would not believe anything he told me, even if he told me the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. I'd check it out for myself.

 

The fact that he reaches for a lie instead of manning up and standing in his truth and taking his butt whippin' for it should tell you a lot.

 

He was only "with her for 5 minutes"? And his boy "was just right outside"? No... that on its face is nothing to be guilt ridden over.

 

He most likely had a 3some with the girl and his boy---and that's why his boy didn't want him to come clean to you about it.

 

Him lying on you to other people should show you exactly the kind of a person he is.

[nfperception]

Some will, some won't but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. It won't change what happened. As hard as it is, you need to dettach from the outcome and remove him from your thoughts. The opposite of love is indifference. If it is any consollation, eventually he will reap what he sowed. We all do. Let life take care of it and focus on making yourself happy. You dodged a bullet!

 

You really think he will reap what he sowed? Sometimes I think people say that as a means of making someone feel better.

[nfperception]

That does make more sense to me since he has said before in a joking manner that he and his best friend are gay.

 

He even mentioned something to me (I don't want to say on here), but for some odd reason told me what he and his best friend said to each other once.

[nfperception]

Some will, some won't but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. It won't change what happened. As hard as it is, you need to dettach from the outcome and remove him from your thoughts. The opposite of love is indifference. If it is any consollation, eventually he will reap what he sowed. We all do. Let life take care of it and focus on making yourself happy.

 

Also, I understand that I need to remove this from my thoughts, but people telling me the truth on here is giving me more closure then my ex ever would.

 

Simply because since he is known to lie to me, how would I know if what he says for closure is the actual truth?

[sharky988]

Simply because since he is known to lie to me, how would I know if what he says for closure is the actual truth?

 

Dumpers rarely tell you the true reasons for a breakup, whether they're known liars like your ex or not. That's just a fact of life, unfortunately. Closure comes from WITHIN -- you create your own closure by getting over him and walking away for good. THAT'S closure!

[nfperception]

Dumpers rarely tell you the true reasons for a breakup, whether they're known liars like your ex or not. That's just a fact of life, unfortunately. Closure comes from WITHIN -- you create your own closure by getting over him and walking away for good. THAT'S closure!

 

So dumpers will say whatever to just get away from the person?

 

This forum has helped me so much. I've learned so much in the so little time of being here. I'm truly thankful I've found this forum.

[sharky988]

So dumpers will say whatever to just get away from the person?

 

This forum has helped me so much. I've learned so much in the so little time of being here. I'm truly thankful I've found this forum.

 

Dumpers usually lie because the truth is too hurtful: I don't love you anymore. I'm not attracted to you anymore. I lost the spark. There's someone I like more.

 

They lie to spare our feelings, usually. And to preserve our image of them as "a good person" in case they change their mind later and want us back. That's usually why you'll hear "I just need to be alone for a while" or "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now" instead of "there's someone else I want more that I'd like to be single so I can try and pursue."

[nfperception]

Dumpers usually lie because the truth is too hurtful: I don't love you anymore. I'm not attracted to you anymore. I lost the spark. There's someone I like more.

 

They lie to spare our feelings, usually. And to preserve our image of them as "a good person" in case they change their mind later and want us back. That's usually why you'll hear "I just need to be alone for a while" or "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now" instead of "there's someone else I want more that I'd like to be single so I can try and pursue."

 

So when he broke up with me and said: "Didn't you tell me to go have fun with (her name here)?" That is translation for "he was going to do it, anyway?"

[iam42]

yes! and they also lie/minimize so that you can't dissuade them. if they tell you what you have done to turn them off, they run the risk of your attempting to change their mind by promising to change. love, harmony, sparks, attraction can be rebuilt in a relationship, but the dumper has already decided that being free is more preferable than "working at things." those other excuses not only leave the door open for them to return IF they want but also firmly close the door on you pursuing more at the moment. (what can you say to someone who says "i just can't do this right now." "it's not you, it's me"?) that's why it is so disrespectful to the person being left to get this bs boilerplate nonsense at the end of an intimate relationship. there is so little clarity and substance to take with you in your journey away... it's awful.

 

i was so embarrassed when my ex was breaking up with me -- that i had actually given my heart and trust to a grown man who sounded like he got his breakup lines from his friends and the internet...

[surfjon]

Dumpers do what is best for them.....

 

They decided to leave way before the actual dumping, so they are in full-on "protect themselves" mode.

 

They will tell you whatever it takes to make it easier on THEMSELVES, disregarding what is best for you, the one-down dumpee!

They will with-hold real reasons and give BS reasons to make themselves even look like the victim!

 

Amazing what mine only did to me after I invested five years.....

 

Just to watch her desert me so painfully slowly...

[iam42]

nfperception, i think that when your ex said that he was being snarky, bitter, and subtly accusatory. this fits in with his acting like a victim.

 

i had an ex who left me by having his new gf come to my house and pick up his belongings. this happened the same day he told me he was leaving me. as you can imagine, i was shredded. he never owned up to how disrespectful and unnecessary that was. he simply claimed that she was the only one who could give him a ride, and he wanted his stuff...

[iam42]

surfjon, i hear you. the slow desertion is awful. it's like losing your partner by inches and degrees, death by a thousand cuts. and the same folks who do this will act dismayed and tortured when you finally end it... yuck.

[nfperception]

I've heard from people say they got the "It's not you, it's me" statement when they got dumped.

 

So the ball is always in their court even if a dumpee contacts them?

 

During my break-up, he was just throwing stuff in my face. It all sounded pre-rehearsed, because no matter what I said, it still sounded like he was reading from a script.

[iam42]

yes, the ball is always in the dumper's court. if they just blame you for everything, it seems as if everything has gone too far. you have ruined it all. honestly, i have endured both kinds of breakups. and the dumper often treats the dumpee as someone who simply has to live with their unilateral decision..

 

imagine if someone just had a conversation or a series of conversations that began "i was thinking..." the end would be a painful but likely mutual split...

[nfperception]

nfperception, i think that when your ex said that he was being snarky, bitter, and subtly accusatory. this fits in with his acting like a victim.

 

i had an ex who left me by having his new gf come to my house and pick up his belongings. this happened the same day he told me he was leaving me. as you can imagine, i was shredded. he never owned up to how disrespectful and unnecessary that was. he simply claimed that she was the only one who could give him a ride, and he wanted his stuff...

 

Wow... Oh my... Did you ever see him again after that? (not saying you wanted to)

[iam42]

i never saw him again. he contacted me every two weeks for months. i eventually emailed his girlfriend and told her he was obsessed with me and to keep him away. (i know that was a horrid thing to do, but she was in my house carrying his boxes!) anyway, that earned me silence from him for 6 months. this was a few years ago. they have now gotten married and had a baby. he still contacts me occasionally and asks to meet up. i always decline. we were together for nearly a decade. i am happy that he has his family, but i never plan to see him in life again...