Beec Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 I posted on someone's thread earlier and got to thinking about apologies. I am not talking about an apology for a small faux pas, such as being late by short while, losing something of not tremendous value, damaging something like getting a stain on clothes of a carpet or something, screwing up the directions. Smal faux pas and errors should be apologized for promptly and forgiven and forgotten, so long as they are not habitual. But instead, you have made a big mistake: you got caught drunk picking up someone else; you were so insecure that you became controlling and drove them away; you got caught rummaging throw your new boyfriend's or girlfriend's personal or financial files, or their diary; you hacked into their email or checked soemthing else to sneakily; whatever. The thing is that you have made a big error, a relationship-ending mistake. What do you do to try to begin to get back int their good graces, to get back or save your relationship? If you want a chance with the person your mistake hurt, the obviously you need to do a few things. If the person will just roll over accept what you did and let you get away with it, then I think you should have an issue with that too. Most people, I hope would not, and let's suppose that they do not for the sake of argument. So what do you need to do, and how to apologize. My suggestions: One be truly sorry you screwed up. Faking it just won't work. I mention a lot fo things about body language. One thing about it that it is highly instinctual. Sometimes we don't trust it, but the signals are there and seen and the person who sees your signals picks up on them consciously or subconsciously. If you are faking remorse, she'll see it. Two apologize, but do so without any attempt to win her back. You need to one demonstrate that you are sorry with this, and I bet you have already tried to apologize. But, you might have left somethings out. Don't apologize again, but get them in when you can. What should you send as a message in an apology: 1. Remorse and regret; 2. Recognize the problem, accept blame; 3. Recognize the root of the problem, accept soem responsibility ofr needing to change it; 4. Attempt to atone for your hurt; 5. Advise them of some attempt and effort on your part to make sure you fix the problem or avoid it in the future; 6. Don't expect or ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness will come when they are ready to give it. No moves to get her/him back. This last one is why she is probably giving you the cold shoulder. Three work to demonstrate acutal improvement and the probability that there will be no further problems of this kind. Four, make an indirect approach. See the person and try to appear as if you would accept just being friends. Don't let them know you are expecting or coming only to get them back. Any comments? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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