Strength & Hope found new love

[Dragonlady]

Hello All

 

It's been a while since ive posted on this site but I wanted to share what's been happening. My full History is here www.enotalone.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=22005&highlight

 

Briefly I was engaged to someone for 3.5 years and he left me in March. I spent months wanting to get back together, which basically I wasted that time because it did not allow me to heal. I was in counselling regarding my past, which had been very abusive, and although I hadn't recognised it, this relationship had been emotionally abusive as well. Anyway by the end of July I had realised that the only person who I had been hurting was my self. My ex didn't contact me or even care. I found out in August he had got engaged in APRIL to someone he knew from work so basically he had been cheating on me as well.

 

I am worth more than that, more than him. Finding this out hurt, dont get me wrong but in a way it was the last nail in the coffin. It allowed me to move on. Since then I have changed not only how I think but also I do things for me now. I have found a strength too be on my own and a realisation that I can be happy without someone.

 

A few weeks ago I went back on the holiday where I met my ex, I saw some of his friends there but I didn't talk to them, not for want of hurting them but because it is part of my past, and that is where it will stay. I am different now and have no need of know what the ex is doing etc, to me he died along time ago.

 

 

I can honestly say that in the last 3 months I have done things that I would never of thought I would. I had my first holiday with friends and had a wild time, I've gone out when I want, done things I want and have basically been so much happier than I have for the past 2 years (even with the ex).

 

I've met someone by chance that I knew a few years ago. We always flirted with each other but have now started seeing each other. J (as I will call him) asked me why now. I had to think about that for a while and the truth really hit me. Due to my past J and I would only of had a brief relationship because I didn't value myself, I had been in 3 long-term relationships that had been abusive (in different ways from physical, sexual and emotional), I thought that was normal. Now I think I am worth more than that but I dont need someone to make me happy. I am now comfortable with who I am. Since I told J this he has accepted it and commented on the changes that he has seen in me (all for the good). I don't know what will happen in this new relationship but at the moment we are having a good time, nothing heavy.

 

Anyway I think what I am trying to say is that the cliché is right time does heal but you have to be accepting of it as well. Whilst I was dreaming of getting back together with the ex I made excuses to myself for what was wrong in the relationship and made a dream of what it could be. I now see my ex for what he is. He's jumped into a relationship, rushed at it full speed without reflecting what he's problems are, it may or may not last but that is no longer my problems. I am better off with out him!

 

To have the strength and hope to change things is hard but the rewards are so worth it. As a person I am now more relaxed, happy and open to what life has. Follow your dreams but always think is this right for me! Life is so full of possibilities that why waste it on something that doesn't make you happy. Please don't get me wrong for those couples that do get back together maybe its right for them and I wish them all the best of luck, for those who a new relationship is right then all I will say is don't rush it, let it come naturally. Do not confuse need with want. I don't need any partner to make me happy, I make myself happy but I want a relationship that is right for me, something that is loving, strong and based on trust.

 

Life is full of ups and downs but what ever doesn't break you will make you stronger, you just need to be open and accepting!

 

I wish everyone happiness for themselves.

 

Take care

 

DL x

 

[studmaster3265]

Hey that is so cool, how yoru making it through, im only 18 and i was with someone for almost three years we even planned our future together and were so happy. And one day she said she just wanted to go on her own.th tthrew me down crazy, i felt like if my whole world was coming down, ive been tearing and hurting ever since there was a moment were i tought i was beginning to get back on my feet and beggining to hang with friends but again she came back into my life and i fell down again. Its been two months since we havent talked but even so i still have feelings. Sometimesi dream about getting back together but my partner says she doesnt want anything but friendship from me. and that really hurted becuase thats not what i want. Some how i got stuck behind with all the memories and the pssobilities. But i cant do anything, i dont know if im stupid or full of hope but i know that there still is feelings inside of her. For now she gave me an ultimatum that if im not ready to be her friend and nothing more than i should go at it on my own until i can only be her friend. I dont know what to do, but im gonna go at it solo becuase i dont want to be hearing this stuff of her new boyfriend and things these things will hurt me. But you know hearing your struggle kinda made me feel diffrent. I dont know but im young right and i cant see that ill move i dont know ive talked to a bunch of people and they all tell ill be ok. Anyways your story is really inspiring.

[StartingOver]

I want to start by saying – Congratulations and GOOD FOR YOU!!!!

 

I have been in an on-again off-again relationship for a year with someone. He left me to go back to his ex, lied to me, used me, and hurt me too many times to count. I still love him and it makes me so angry and confused with myself. Why do I still feel this way? I have tried everything – and I mean everything to get over him. Sometimes it seems to help and then I just fall down again.

 

I realize that it is all a mindset. I have to choose to move on and want better for myself. He tells me that he still loves me and doesn't want to close the door on us – but what is that saying other than he wants me there just in case. I have been a fool far too long. I am just having a hard time building new hopes and dreams without him. I feel so weak.

 

I am so glad you had the strength to move on. I admire you so for that. You are my hero if only for today.

[Dragonlady]

Thank you for reading and posting a reply. I suppose i wanted to say that there is always hope even in the darkest hour. Dont get me wrong there were times when I was so hung up on the hurt, the possibilities of what could have been, my individual past, my past with my ex, everything. I still think about my ex but it is now with indifference beucase I have changed. he will always been a part of me because of the 3.5 years we spent together but I faced up to myself that for over the last year of our relationship I wasnt happy. I think the key is acceptance of what is but that can only come when you are ready. My counselling really helped me but i finished that at the end of September and I think I am doing really well.

 

I just wanted to say to people that you are not alone even when you think you are. Sometimes I thought this website wasnt helping me becuase it kept me stuck on thinking about the ex, (the other forum about getting back together) which I why I had a break for a bit.

 

I hope you all take care and remember keep positive as you never know whats round the corner.

 

DL x