Brand New to Forum. Cheating, Abuse, Breakup, Help...

[HopefullyL]

Let's make this quick and easy:

 

Together for more than a year. He cheated multiple times, took him back. He pushed/shoved me multiple times, took him back. Two weeks ago, I caught him cheating/lying AGAIN in person and he pushed me to the ground against the wall & choked me!!! and said all types of horrible things to me (He does drugs/alcohol). I finally told him I was done and wanted him to leave. He blames me for all of this and says its my fault that he had to do the things he's done to me. He refuses to apologize and says I am simply crazy.

 

He left, but we have NEVER stopped contact since then. It has just been consistent fighting and arguing. He ignores me for the most part and only respond when he wants something from me, like his things WHICH he still has not got yet. After 2 million texts begging him to come get his things with no reply, he replied today and told me to take all his stuff to his home. I almost fell out of my chair- I refuse to do anything for him after what he's put me through.

 

Even though I am the dumper (and he has done this numerous times in a short time span), I am seriously heartbroke and I don't understand why.

 

I cant understand why I am still even communicating with this douchebag and why I am so sad over this...

 

I just need advice what to do, where to go from here. NC? Therapy? Anything? I just need some help & support from someone other than my overwhelmed family.....

[shellyf62]

You need to stop contacting him. Delete his number & change yours so he cant contact you.

Box his stuff up & get a friend to drop it over to his house. Have no remnants of your life together, throw things out if need be.

You also need therapy. No one deserves to be cheated on & physically & verbally abused.

You have to be tough on yourself, I know it is hard, and you miss the idea of him, but he is bad news, and will end up killing you if you go back to him.

He has no respect for you whatsoever.You need to find your self respect & demand to be treated better by future boyfriends.

[ChellyV]

It seems you are very realistic about your situation and that will help you move on from this. Get rid of the stuff he is asking, ask a mutual friend to drop it off to him and make sure everything you have that are his are returned. Do not open the door for this person anymore, you can do better. There are a lot of better men out there who will take care of you.

[Gimpyrks]

No matter what he says, his actions are his actions it is NOT your fault! No one deserves to be physically or verbally abused. I would block him from your phone and/or change your number and DO NOT contact him. If you contact him you are enabling this behavior and you are 'telling' him that it is acceptable. If needed get a restraining order on him. Please do not fall into the abuse circle. He will apologize, give you gifts, etc, do not fall for it. People like that do not change.

[HopefullyL]

Thank you guys! I know I need to immediately start NC and my friends wont drive that far to take him anything, lol. He lives an hour away, so that is why I said- HELL NO. it is up to you to get your things, because I offered at least 3 times or more in the first week to drop all that crap off, but he ignored me, so I said FINE! I agree I do need therapy, I was looking into and will probably make an appointment tomorrow. I know I don't deserve this, I just don't understand how I fell in this trap and I feel so stuck and betrayed. I want to feel empowered and strong, but instead im consumed with everything about him instead of fixing myself..

[shellyf62]

You are taking the first step, which is awesome....well done !!!! Now keep this strength up, and tell yourself how amazing you are, and how you deserve sooo much better.

What about packing up his things & driving to the local police station to his house, and having them escort you to drop them off?

Honestly, if you dont sort his things out they will be like an anchor around your neck, and will keep him tied to you. He will keep playing games with you til you sever all ties. Just be strong & do it.

I am glad you are looking at an appt for a therapist. It will do you wonders, and have someone on your side to keep you strong.

[MapleCanuck]

Good for you for recognizing that your pattern wasn't working for you. I had go set rules for dating in my life. If someone lies or cheats, I'm gone. Life is too short for the BS that some people want to bring to the table.

 

We all get lonely, but you deserve someone who makes you smile and actually enhanced your life.

[Marcy2011]

Hard? Yes, but you have options and you're taking positive steps to help yourself out. That's the BIGGEST AND BEST part of your strength!

Takes time? Well, yeah. It was a poisonous relationship and it takes time for the poison to leave your system, but it DOES leave (and you know this). I agree with shellyf62, you can drop off his stuff ANYWHERE.. I would. It would not be in my home - police escort, friend-drop, etc, whatever..GET RID OF IT. I also agree with MapleCanuck - filter quicker by stickin' to a list of what works/doesn't work for you.

Light at the end of the tunnel? OF COURSE. If you keep remembering your worth (and based on your posts, you do) then this Light will eventually come and shine on you. You are WAY stronger than you give yourself credit. DO THIS: Sit down and think about the recent choices you've made to change your situation for the best. You should smile, you are a smart girl.

[HopefullyL]

Thank you!! I keep trying to tell myself positive things, because I have heard negative things about myself for quite a while. no man will ever love and cant deal with me, etetc. I dont know I havent even thought about the police station, something to think into yes.

 

Clearly the pattern SUCKS and yes, I have to change! Good things about setting dating rules, something like standards with a different name- I NEED TO ESTABLISH those myself asap!! Im lonely right now

 

Thank you, positive is the only way to go when you're hanging out at the bottom. Yes, the toxicitiy of the relationship I think makes it even worse!! I'm trying to think of it like this with "indifference", if it was a friends item, out of the way, not creating any problems, would I rush it out of my house? NO! So, im trying to be indifferent, because honestly, I dont have money to pay to go all the way over there. I'd rather do the dump the **** at Goodwill game and I can in 15 more days (30 day rule, haha!) I am trying to remember my worth or better yet reestablish it, because I lost it somewhere along the way. I have been smiling the majority of the day, so hopefully tomorrow will be the same!!

 

THANK YOU SO MUCH for all responding!!!!