lostandscared5 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 I cannot begin to untie this knot that has formed in the pit of my stomach. The sense of unease that comes with the realization is enough to shake me up to the very core. Yes I know that the truth hurts and that reality checks must be given to you by the very people who are closest to you. But this particular reality check is more than enough that I could take. Yes I do agree that this particular person A knows me the most and has seen me up close and personal. A knows the most about me and has been my best friend for the past six years and I have to say I do see some sense of truth with her statement. She said "It blows my mind and it does not make any sense whatsoever that you could consider being in a relationship while you are a hot mess physically, emotionally and mentally in every way possible and you my friend has nothing to offer". Which leads me to think is that true? I mean I don't have a stable job nor do I have a place of my own. I am in every way, shape and form trying to deal with my own issues right now....so how could I be so selfish into thinking I could involve the feelings of others when I have no clarity when it comes to my life. But I was also told by my potential bf that I do have something to offer him and that it is enough that he sees that. I don't know what to think of this situation. I feel bad for dragging my potential bf into my life because it is such a hot mess and that puts so much on him and I do agree that couples should be able to offer something to each other. I just don't know. All I do know is that a relationship is based on the connection of the two people that is in it, that is based on the foundation of which the relationship started upon and that we should not let the opinions of others change how we feel. Yes I am aware that there are a lot of things that I need to work on and sticking by my own decisions is one of the major ones. Yes this is a struggle for me and it feels like I am at war with my potential bf with the rest of the world but I have to believe. I do not want to have any regrets and letting something go because someone else told me to nor do I want to have any regrets following my own heart and then finding out later that I made a mistake.....however I do understand that life is about taking risks and believing that God would not give us more than we could handle and therefore having faith in yourself that you could get through life no matter what happens. I do understand that I know myself best because I pick and choose what I tell others therefore I need to speak up for myself and believe that everything that I am doing now I am doing to the best of my ability based on what I think is the best possible option for me. That only I can make judgments based on what I think needs to be done and where the boundaries lie so I would not go back to my bad habits and let history repeat itself. That only I know what is pushing it and what is doing my best. I need to learn to trust myself and my decisions without giving all of that power away to somebody who only knows what I decide to tell them. The only person I could trust that could possibly know what is best for me is best and I need to start applying that to my life from this day forward even though I have had problems doing that before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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