I really need your help!!

[pnoy]

Hi, if anyone read my recent thread, that my ex contacted me afer 1 yr apart he told me he had missed me and he said you dont know what youve lost until its gone i never tried to contact him at all he initiated everything

 

i met up with him at the weekend he cooked me dinner all very nice had a nice night he said he would like us to try again,

 

the problem is he told me while we were split up he met a girl who is 17 yrs younger than him and iam sure he said he had a fling with her but it didnt work out but they are now really good freinds

 

he said he now and then goes to hers for dinner and he sometimes stays over at hers on the couch! and she has a couple of young children which sometimes he looks after over night while she goes out with her freinds

 

when i had gone to his house he spoke about this girl friend alot about how nice she was and how he minds her children while she goes out

 

This just doesnt seem to sit right with me am i being bad minded or is this normal

 

i was going to text him saying

 

Hi ********** ive been thinking it was good to see you but the situation with your friend doesnt sit right with me you staying over at hers now and then and minding her kids i want to tell you how i feel now before i fall back in love with you and that wouldnt be fair on either of us

 

if this situation was me doing this and you were honest with yourself would you be happy with this it would seem like there was 3 people in this relationship

 

 

please everyone can you please give me some advice what are your thought on this thank you

[mhowe]

When you said you had a nice nite, did you sleep with him?

 

He wants to add you to his harem...and has no intention of giving up the ex who is 17 yrs younger...though she may have kicked him to the curb.

 

And your note is fine --- except for the "falling back in love" part. So, just tell him you are not interested in pursuing a relationship based on his remaining connection to the ex...the other ex.

[pnoy]

no i never slept with him he asked me to stay, and that i could sleep in his spare room which i declined he says she isnt an ex just a friend my ex used to sell cocaine, but doesnt anymore that is were he met her because she bought coke off him and he said they have a line together sometimes and became freinds

[mhowe]

He "used" to sell it -- and that is what started their relationship...

 

Please -- -accept that he needs to be a part of your past....

 

BTW, you are the one who said he had a fling with her..trust your gut and stay away. No need for a note. Just say no next time he calls.

[pnoy]

thanks mhowe, ye he did use to sell it but he said he gave it up but i believe the person he worked for got rid of him because he was taking coke and couldnt afford to pay for his habit, just for the record ive never took drugs

 

iam not sure if he did say he had a fling with her because we spoke over the phone when we had this conversation and we were both speaking at the same time

 

why though come back into my life when he has her he also said he has told her about me and that he wants to start again with me he said he has never had a girl for a best friend ever

[FrenchFries]

I agree that it's probably best to leave this relationship in the past. Clearly you are uncomfortable with him hanging out with his ex fling, staying over her house and taking care of her children, which is entirely understandable. You have too many questions and too many doubts about this man. That ought to be enough to tell you that trying to reignite anything is a bad idea.

[nfperception]

thanks mhowe, ye he did use to sell it but he said he gave it up but i believe the person he worked for got rid of him because he was taking coke and couldnt afford to pay for his habit, just for the record ive never took drugs

 

iam not sure if he did say he had a fling with her because we spoke over the phone when we had this conversation and we were both speaking at the same time

 

why though come back into my life when he has her he also said he has told her about me and that he wants to start again with me he said he has never had a girl for a best friend ever

 

I think that speaks for itself.

[mhowe]

Because maybe he doesn't "have" her anymore. And that he did not give it up on his own, but was dumped because he was stealing it -- means he is probably still using. And you only have his word that he has told her about you.

 

It appears, as I said, that he will add you to his roster -- and going forward will be able to claim you "knew" about her if you get back together. Avoid at all cost.

[pippy longstocking]

hiya darling ...

 

I am with you ,,.this is not acceptable ..if this where a friend and nothing more than so be it ..I have several male friends and

it is purely that .....friendship .

 

I think you are right to not feel right about this and considering the heartbreak you have been through already I would

get this nipped in the bud here and now .

[pnoy]

I havent got a problem with him have female friend but him staying over at hers and looking after her children does bother me he said he has coke with her sometimes. He was her dealer when he was dealing it thats how they met

 

Am i being unreasonable will not liking the situation

[mhowe]

You are being unreasonable not seeing this for what it is -- he has a relationship with her, he does drugs with her. And he has proven time and time again that drugs and access to them are more important than you.

 

Please let go of a fantasy of a future with him.

 

You have posted 81 threads about him over the past year and a half. And nothing has changed...especially him.

[pnoy]

thank you for all replies i appreciate them and will not be having contact with this man iam worth more than this

[mhowe]

Good for you.