He cheated, should I stay or go???

[YOUNGCONFUSED]

My husband and I got married right out of high school and have been married for 6 years now. Up until a few months ago, our relationship was the best. Well recently, I've noticed that he has been very argumentive and has been spending a lot of time with his friends. He also wasn't spending as much time with me as he used to. Of course the thought of him cheating did not cross my mind because him and I were closer than that. We were best friends as well as lovers. Because of his unusual behavior, I started to get angry and began to act the same way. When he noticed that I didn't pay much attention to him, he would ask me a million questions and tried to make up with me.

Just recently, I've noticed that he started (maybe) having some kind of phsycological problem. He has been having crazy ideas about someone trying to hurt him, or that everybody is against him. He's even accused me of cheating on him. I for one have too much pride and care for my relationship way too much to do so. Anyhow, just the other day, I noticed that he's been having multiple personalities or something. He will be somewhat normal one minute, and then go completely nuts five minutes later and begin talking about things that do not even make sense.

So I decided to take him away somewhere thinking that maybe he just needed to clear his mind and rest for a minute. So I took him to a hotel a few cities away from home. Well, he seemed to be okay until he woke up the next morning and left the hotel @ 5am. He didn't say where he was going either. Two hours later, I received a phone call from a nurse at a nearby hospital whom said that he had fallen asleep while driving and had been in an auto accident, and crashed into a wall. I rushed to the hospital (he was okay) and when he was released-just with a couple of bruises, we went to another hotel and I decided to find out what was going on.

I come to find out that he cheated on me a few months ago with a woman that he used to work with. He told me that she was staying in a hotel because she was evicted from her home, and she asked him if he would pay her to have sex with him so that she could cover the hotel tab. Well, he did.... and it happened about 5 times he says. He told me that he just wanted to help her out.

So when he crashed our car, he really tried to kill himself because he was regreting what he did with this woman. He couldn't stand being around me knowing that he made a huge mistake.

I know there are no excuses for cheating, and once a cheater-always a cheater, but I'm confused.... I love him so much because he is a great man inside and out, but I dont know if I should stay or go?????? On a scale of 1-10, our relationship has always been a 10. Please help!!!! I need advise soon!!! Should I stay or should I go???

[nexus532]

Well i don't think that you should base your opinion on anything anyone else has to say. The problem with this situation is that there are two situations that could come of this. On one hand you could stay with him, perhaps both of you would get over this and live out a happy life whis a beautiful house and some children, or what ever your heart desires. For the bad side of staying with him he could end you making you feel depressed all the time, prehaps now you feel in the back of your mind that you can't trust him, also he could be holding you down from greater things. If you leave him you may feel depressed because you left him while he was in such bad shape and live out your life feeling bad about the past. On the good note of leaving him you may find someone who is mentally stable and live out a happy life with this new other. Also if your going to have kids some years down the road try and think if he would be a good dad, if this is the man you see yourself having kids with.

 

Very sorry if this seems a little clustered

[tea]

Eh... if I were in your position... this is what I imagine I'd do.

 

I'd tell him to never let that happen again and stay with him.

 

Under that much guilt, I think he deserves a 2nd chance. Just make sure he's not acting it... this case sounds pretty serious, he shouldn't be acting.

 

I don't believe what I'm going to say next... but I read somewhere in some marriage counselling article that says most marriages where infidelity happened once or twice can actually still function as a great family as long as whoever cheated learns... however, it's really hard for the other party to forgive them and most victims (the ones cheated on) have no interest in working to make the marriage work again, and that raises divorce rate. eh.. I'm tired. I think I phrased the whole thing funny... I'm pretty sure it's not grammatically correct. Oh, well.

 

I believe the cheating isn't very forgivable and thereforeeee breaking up due to it will raise divorce rate. What I didn't agree with is the ones who cheated will learn or they just happened to cheat.

 

... well, in your situation, might as well give it a try. Make sure he doesn't cheat again though... or kick his butt!

[avman]

His story about how the cheating took place sounds pretty flaky to me. I don't think I believe his story.

 

Sounds like you need to explore this a lot further with him to see what is going on. Maybe he really does have some psychological issues right now and thats what set off the cheating. Would he be willing to be evaluated by a psychologist? If some of these deeper issues can be resolved your relationship could go right back to being a 10 all the time.

 

In any case, I think some professional help is warranted.

[Shyguy24]

 

 

hi there i would cut to the chase and say give hi another chance definitely ....casue he does love u as he realises he made a mistake ..stick with him for a while and see how it goes like for 3 mnths then 6 ...1 yr ...like over time u might be abl to trust him again ...but wha... u can do is cut his previliges cut his drinking his freedom penalise him for hurting u ...make rules for him if he dosent agree to them then leave him ..cause he has to realise what he has done is not something small ...

 

best of luck hun and if u need any help just PM me okay !

 

take care and god bless 0X

[DBL]

The part about "trying to help her out" cracks me up. That is just a clasic. He could of just given her the money and not accepted nothing in return. Maybe you're man needs a pyschriatiric evaluation.

 

Usually a not so reliable sign of cheating is when your partner starts asking and accusing you of cheating.

 

I think you all need to find a professional for you both of you to talk to, help you all come to some conclusions about your marriage. Sometimes after counseling you both realize it may be time to move on as well as work through the issues.

 

Good Luck

DBL

[Francis]

I agree with the postings above that the circumstances surrounding the cheating do not sound very credible. The fact that he disappeared for two days and left at 5h00 in the morning are also fairly suspicious. Perhaps, he did not have the crash purposefully, but was just dead tired of leading a double life (too much sex, too much entertaining to do, not enough sleep).

 

If you guys have no kids, then you should consider leaving, before he does. If he is cheating with a woman at work and he sees her all the time, more than he sees you, chances are that it will be difficult for him leaving her, unless she is also married, and has children. If the woman is single, chances are that she is pressuring him to get to the next step and that's why he is aggressive towards you : perhaps, you are an obstacle in his mind.

 

If the woman is single, chances are too that he lied to her and told her that he is not married, or that your relationship is over, or any other lie. If he told her he is not married, or that he is not having sexual relationships with you, then you could talk to her and she would probably leave him.

 

Whatever the case is, you need to move fast and find out exactly what is going on. Who is this woman? Does he seriously want to be with her? Of course, don't ask him and don't believe anything he tells you. Find out another way (detective, people at his place of work if you know someone). You should go to pick him up once a week, attend to office parties, etc. If he does not want you to do so, then you should be weary.

 

Only after you have found out what she is about, then you can make an informed decision. If she is married with kids, then I don't think you need to worry. Chances are he will not leave you to take care of another man's kids, unless your relationship is really bad.

 

If she is single and he lied to her, then you must find out if their relationship is really serious so that he might be planning to leave you for her. If that is the case, you should go and see a lawyer asap.

 

Take care!