Why can't I stop thinking about him (never even spoken)

[Staples 29]

I am curious to know if anyone has had this experience before.

 

In July last year I was out with a networking group (we meet every month) when I saw this guy. He was the most beautiful person I have ever seen – I am aware that is subjective. I was being chatted up by some other guy at the time but I remember being very drawn to him from accross the room and every time I tried to catch a glimpse of him, he was looking at me. So I guess we were both checking each other out.

I don’t remember his face anymore and my friends didn’t know him personally (that was the first time we’d seen him there) BUT I remember the feeling I had every time I looked at him. Some 9 months on, I still think about him. I still hope to see him around but haven’t so far – so maybe this July. I’m not sure what I would be hoping to achieve if I meet him. Obviously the romantic in me would like to think the pull wasn’t just one way and he’s also been thinking about me and such things from ‘The Notebook’.

 

Then you have the practical side of me who has dismissed him as probably having a girlfriend, or if not be a jerk (using his good looks to his ‘advantage’). But I think I just want to resolve that feeling. I have never experienced that before (I even ranted on here about how I’m never attracted to men yet I am so curious about someone I haven’t even spoken to) – I have met my fair share of good looking men and I just note it and move along. I’m NEVER ever curious.

If I met him, I don’t think I’d recognise him exactly unless I have that ‘feeling’ again but yea… Anyone experienced anything of the such?

[PJA1982]

I think people will tell you that they have seen many people that they have perved and fantasised about however maybe not for as long as you have. You should get that checked out

 

You do need to stop thinking about it in such length however you do have a basis for a good romance novel.

[lavenderdove]

People appreciate great works of art and pay a lot for them... so you think this guy is the most beautiful man you ever met... which of course is attractive and desirable to you.

 

But appreciating that vs. 'owning' him are two different things. You can really appreciate something, but it doesn't mean that you have the ability to actually have a real relationship with him. Fantasy is great once and a while, but you have to be careful that you don't use a fantasy as a model for what you must have to be happy. Otherwise that turns into obsession which is very unhealthy.

 

So you developed a little obsession with this guy because not only do you find him desirable, but in your head you are framing it as possible when it isn't considering you never spoke to him and it has been 9 months since you saw him and you don't even know what he is up to or what he is about. If you do know his name and can contact him, then you could try to set something up with him, but if you never even spoke to him, unless you have mutual friends who will set you up on a blind date, it really isn't possible.

 

And you don't want to waste too much of your life on a fantasy. You need to examine why you sould be satified with a fantasy rather than spending your time trying to find a real man to date. Are you afraid of relationships or did you have a difficult childhood where you'd rather have a fantasy of a perfect man than a real relationship with a real man?

 

Also, if your family suffers from depression or mental illness, you have to be careful because obsessions with strangers or any one person who you don't have a real relationship with can be a sign that your brain chemistry is out of whack and you might need medication for that, especially if you are taking a single chance meeting with someone you don't even know and blowing it up to the point you think about him a lot or fantasize that it could become real. If it's just a case of him popping to mind once in a long while and you thinking 'that guy was hot, wish i had someone like him' that is OK, but if you spend a lot of time thinking about this guy or thinking it could turn real or what life would be with him when you haven't even met him, then that might be a problem to take to the doctor to be checked to see if you have OCD or depression or a biochemical imbalance.

[Staples 29]

Lool... I have perved and fantasised over a couple of men - pretty standard stuff. I know how to live in my head (Not as far as imaginary friends though.. Haha). Hell I had a meeting once a while back and I pretty much couldn't listen properly because my client was unbelievably hot with the most amazing eyes ever (Luckily I don't have to meet him again else I'd be just as unproductive). But that was it - It's a fun story to tell my friends of him but that's where it ends.

 

I think I am overthinking this one because I am not perving over him; I actually find my thoughts drifting and I am curious about him.

 

That said, I like the suggestion about a romance novel; except I'd be bored out of my mind reading one like this. I guess these things are only ever interesting when they are happening to you ^_^

[Staples 29]

Oh dear... I may have come accross as a loon bag. I don't know his name because I haven't particularly tried to find out (I just assumed I'd run into him again sooner or later as I am a 'leave it up to fate' kind of girl) but we do have mutual acquaintances in common.

 

I am not sitting round every day dreaming up names for our babies. I am just curious if other people have encountered such an experience. It is the first time I have felt a mutual attraction pull immediately and it was interesting then. Now I am wondering why I am still thinking about him and more recently actively wondering what he thought about me.

 

So maybe I am hoping to hear something similar from another person to see just how common place it is and trying to make out with these responses if I should do something about it.

[lavenderdove]

What you are describing is a crush on someone... everyone gets crushes and fantasizes a bit. We all have hormones and emotions and the two get tangled up. But a fantasy is a fantasy... as long as you recognize it as such and don't take it seriously, and don't let it stop you from pursuing men who are real possibility to date, than have fun with it. If you are taking it too seriously, then that is a problem.

[Staples 29]

The very funny thing about this is not once did I stop to think this was a crush. I just wondered why I was thinking up a storm about someone.. I had my last crush when I was 16 - And a very long term relationship and another one soon after, I have clearly forgotten about the concept.

 

I do think it was helpful to be reminded to be open to other men that aren't my crush though. I seem to not give men a chance (admittedly I am just about healed from a previous relationship) - Thank you