maxxpayne Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 My girl and I have been in a relationship for over 6 months now. I should say she's a sweet girl and the kinda girl I'd like to be with my whole life. Things were going great. We met only once in this duration since I am in a different country for work purposes. But we talk daily for minimum 3 hours or so on skype. We even spend time on phone sex and flirting on chat and all. Intimacy is great. Both, her and I have had deep relations with our exes. She was close to a guy for four years, who in the end cheated on her by sex chat and stuff with some other girl. She realized at the end of 4 years that she was being two timed. 3 months after that we hit off. She had told me earlier that she still loves him deep inside and that will be there for a long time. It was exceptable for me since I was in the same state for over a year since my ex broke up with me. Recently, she was off for a week for some kinda job training. She was really busy during that week. However, there were occasional messages and I was really missing her. I kinda had the feeling that I was the only one having this missing feeling... And it kinda did bug me. I was like counting days for her to come back and she didnt seem that affected, albeit she was busy and had over 6 hours of class per day. But usually during the normal working days she's really busy too but we still get back on skype or fring and chat for hours before we both fall asleep.. So I dont know what's going on. Mind you, she has room mates too during this week of training, on normal days she's at home in her room, alone. With that much of background info for you guys.... I tried speaking to her about it, asking her if she didnt miss me during this week. I wasn't really needy but I just dont have the habit of keeping it all in my mind and brooding.. Basically we both do that, we ask anything and everything and so far I've felt its a good thing... So here is the conversation we had on gtalk... I'll call her anne here. Maxx: sweetie, didnt u miss me all these days? Anne: mmm lil.. Maxx: mm Anne: but u missed me a lot right? Maxx: mm Anne: i know.. Maxx: its always like that with me... i miss people more than they miss me Anne: i love u Maxx: i know Anne: its not your fault its coz.. its me.. Maxx: why? Anne: i haven't fully accepted u, may b.. still somewhere i feel like going back.. Maxx: yeah... I got to know that these days Anne: sweetheart don feel bad Maxx: I don't feel bad.. Anne: how Maxx: remember I told u that day , Ill love u and be with u even if u don't love me... Anne: i realized it these days.. Maxx: what did u realize? Anne: deep inside me its still him.. Maxx: mm Anne: i cant ever ever ever com out of it.. Maxx: mm.. Anne: i love him soo much Maxx: mm I know and it's alright sweetie. I didn't want to bug u these days.. so I let you be and gave u space.. never wanted to complain much Anne: may b i wasn't ready Maxx: It's alright u know i wont stop loving u.. But I leave it all to you. I'll let you go if you want me to. Anne: I love u Things are still ok between us. She does love me and I know that. The only thing is that she has these feelings deeply embedded. And I have several times told her that she should give him another chance. She always asks me to shut up when I say that. She said she had given him a chance once and he wasnt faithful to her even after that. So she's let him go for good and doesn't ever want to go back. But she still loves him deep inside. So I just wanted to ask you guys. What should I do? I love her dearly and I don't want her to feel guilty that she is hurting me... And it's not like she isn't giving me time and attention or something like that. But I know this feeling is there deep inside her. What do you guys think I should do? Any help would be much appreciated. Sorry for the long post! Link to comment
ladylovex Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I'm sorry but it sounds like you're just a rebound. I believe, if given the chance to sort things out she would run back to him in a instant. To me it sounds like she's trying to love you as much as she loved him, but its just not working Link to comment
maxxpayne Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 So you are suggesting that I should simply stop and move on? Link to comment
maxxpayne Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 So far, I have seen that he messages her on her facebook account but she doesnt respond. She mentioned about it recently and said that she thought I should know. he has been trying to get back with her and has been saying sorry. This is when I suggested she should give him a chance... But she said it was a no go.. later she blocked him too.. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I would not be with someone who was still in love with someone else and said things like that to me. Sorry. If you still love someone else to that degree she should NOT be with you. It's not fair. I'd leave it well alone to be honest. I think you will end up getting hurt. Maybe tell her you love her, and want to be with her and your open to reconcilation once she is over her ex. Link to comment
maxxpayne Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 Yes i was thinking of this. But will i be hurting her feelings? Link to comment
Stay_home Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 You gave her permission to treat you like this. This is not going to workout for your best interest in the long run. Link to comment
Makara Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 She still loves her ex, therefore she cannot truly open herself to you. And you will just be hurt in the long run. It would be best to let this go. If I was still in love with any of my ex's I would not stay with the man I'm with now, because it wouldn't be fair to him. Let her know that until she gets over her ex, you can't be with her. You need 100% of her heart in order to stay with her. You may hurt her feelings, but you're doing yourself wrong by staying. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 You shouldn't be so worried about hurting her, but more worried about this hurting YOU in the long run. She shouldn't even be trying to be with you if she still loves her ex. Link to comment
maxxpayne Posted March 24, 2013 Author Share Posted March 24, 2013 Hey there... This is the update. I spoke to her about what you said and she told me she's been feeling like she's been hurting me a lot and she wanted to tell me not to wait for her coz her feelings are messed up. We decided to stay friends.. Is this for the best? Will she ever love me? Link to comment
Purusha Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 I admire the fact that you love her so much, but I would seriously examine the reasons behind your motivation to accept a relationship with someone who doesn't has feelings for someone else? When you love someone it can be difficult to see, but I feel you've been a bit of a doormat here and haven't put any importance on your own desires from a relationship to the extent that you're willing to take anything that she gives you, regardless of whether it's what you want. Kudos to her for not taking advantage and stringing you along - it shows she has integrity. No'one can tell you if she will ever love you in the way that you want to be loved, but I would say that it's definitely for the best. Link to comment
maxxpayne Posted March 27, 2013 Author Share Posted March 27, 2013 I admire the fact that you love her so much, but I would seriously examine the reasons behind your motivation to accept a relationship with someone who doesn't has feelings for someone else? When you love someone it can be difficult to see, but I feel you've been a bit of a doormat here and haven't put any importance on your own desires from a relationship to the extent that you're willing to take anything that she gives you, regardless of whether it's what you want. Kudos to her for not taking advantage and stringing you along - it shows she has integrity. No'one can tell you if she will ever love you in the way that you want to be loved, but I would say that it's definitely for the best. Thanks for your reply. I spoke to her. Told her that its been a while that we are together and that I feel its about time she got over him. And I told her it's no longer "okay" with me and she either needs to think of giving it all to me as that's whats fair in a relationship or else she gives nothing at all. I took half an hour saying what I had to say and she listened patiently. The next day she told me that she doesnt want to hurt me anymore and it is better that I move on. She said she decided not to be with me. I know she still loves me but simply doesn't know which side to stand on. It was a 4 year relation she had with her ex, guess that does a lot of rubbing off. I don't blame her. Just a little sad by the fact that we don't talk anymore. There's this awkward silence in my room now. I miss her. But I guess this is how it's meant to be.... If there is anything else, I'd wake up to it someday.... Thanks again.. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 I think your mistake is thinking that she loves you. Obviously not since you guys are just friends now. Link to comment
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