We text every day but wont ask me out!

[Flowerwoman]

I met this guy at an interstate conference. The conversation we had was great. When we got home, I added him to Facebook. I called him a few times. I wasn't interested in him romantically at the time. He was just another friend I had made.

 

I spoke to a friend for some advice on how to initiate a time to catch up as friends. She said to ask him to go for a walk. So that was what I did. He was responsive and we went for a walk. We went out to a cafe after our walk. The conversation was great! I felt we connected intellectually and emotionally.

 

The following day we were texting each other. He said he was not interested in me as anything more than a friend. Since that day we have texted every day. On one occasion we spoke for 5 hours. I am not innocent because I flirt with him over text. He doesn't really flirt back but he does say that the conversation is always good.

 

What I am seeking advice about is if his level of interest in me romantically is non-existent then why all the text messages? I do initiate a lot of our conversations. He is always prompt in responding to my text whether he initiated it or I did. I agree with him that the conversation is good. I would like a romantic relationship with him but I feel like his stringing me along because he is not initiating anything. How should I approach this situation?

 

Just out of curiosity how does a man define a "romantic relationship." Is it more sexual in nature or a modest approach to courting / dating a woman with the potential of making her a girlfriend?

[happy_snapper]

I'm far from an expert on this subject, but isn't he just being polite and treating you like a friend?

"He said he was not interested in me as anything more than a friend."

 

How is responding to your texts "stringing you along"? To me this sounds like he doesn't want a romantic relationship with you and either doesn't realise that you have other ideas, or doesn't know how to tell you. It sounds like he likes you as a friend and likes having conversations with you, but has no interest beyond that.

Tell him how you feel. I'd say to ask him how he feels about you, but hasn't he already done that?

 

And for your final question: It completely depends on the man.

 

That's what I think anyway.

[jaciej]

It seems like you are the one with the agenda and you are trying to manipulate a situation to your own liking. He already told you how he felt and what he wanted, but it seems that you are the one pushing the boundaries. He has been friendly towards you, whilst you admit to flirting and finding ways to get him alone or to get him to ask you out. He is not stringing you along, you just wont accept "No" for an answer.

[PaintWithLight]

I think he has been very clear with you. Why are you flirting with him and keeping him on the phone for hours? A guy knows within 15 seconds if he is interested in a woman. The same for you. You were not interested in him when you met him, right?

 

However, after a walk and conversation, you decided he is worth spending time with. Both of you are using each other to fill space until you meet someone that has that "electricity" with you. Why is he obligated to initiate dates with you when being a text buddy is all he has signed on for? You are the one flirting and wanting romance, not him. How is he leading you on?

 

If you create any pressure or drama, this guy will disappear. You have tricked him by pretending to accept his decision of no-romance with you, when now you are trying to turn this into a courting scenario. Keep him as a text buddy and find a new guy to court. Not every male-female friendship is destined for more.

[bebeblondie]

This is clearly nothing more than a platonic friendship on his part. I agree with the other poster who said a man knows right away if he's romantically interested in a woman, it's not something that can grow over time as it can for women.

 

You're the one who's initiating texts to him, so he is being a polite friend and answering. He does not seem to be stringing you along in anyway, you said you flirt with him, he doesn't flirt back so he is making it pretty clear this is just a friendship nothing more nothing less.

[agent1607307371]

I do initiate a lot of our conversations.

 

There you go. Stop initiating and see how often he texts... He's been upfront about not wanting to be with you, replying to your texts is not "stringing you along".

[Cherry1010]

This is why I don't have single male friends. It doesn't work for me. I start to think if them romantically and I get nervous and I can't be myself anymore. I keep these men off my radar unless I'm dating them.

 

It just becomes a giant head f***

[bebeblondie]

This is why I don't have single male friends. It doesn't work for me. I start to think if them romantically and I get nervous and I can't be myself anymore. I keep these men off my radar unless I'm dating them.

 

It just becomes a giant head f***

 

I have one very close male platonic friend, we've been friends for 13 years. We definitely don't talk everyday, and I have never had any romantic interest in him whatsoever (I think that's why our friendship was able to last this long), I tell him about my guy problems, he tells me about his girl problems, and it just works. I never once thought "why isn't he asking me out" because we're both on the same page with our friendship, we have sort of a sibling kind of love for each other.

[Ms Darcy]

I am surprised you are asking this question. He told you he's not interested.

 

He's not asking you out because, as he said, he's not interested. He's interacting with you as a friend.

[Klokwurk]

Case closed.

[HeatherB]

You met at a conference. He was just networking with you.

[savignon]

I think everything's been said.....he's been completely upfront and honest and has not misled you in any way by suggesting otherwise. If you don't want to get further hurt by the situation, stop talking to him so often and use that same energy on someone who is looking for a relationship.

[Flowerwoman]

This is why I don't have single male friends. It doesn't work for me. I start to think if them romantically and I get nervous and I can't be myself anymore. I keep these men off my radar unless I'm dating them.

 

It just becomes a giant head f***

 

This is so true. It does become a giant head f***. It has happened quite frequently with me. I have a lot of single male friends. There has been few that I have started developing a romantic interest in at different times. I am just curious is it the same for guys?

[calichick007]

This is so true. It does become a giant head f***. It has happened quite frequently with me. I have a lot of single male friends. There has been few that I have started developing a romantic interest in at different times. I am just curious is it the same for guys?

 

Usually not. It's stereotypical, but true - men are extremely visual. I think men are very likely to make a judgment as to whether they are interested in more than friendship with a woman upon first glance. If a man is not physically attracted to a woman, it's usually a no-go, even if he grows to like her personality. She'll just be his platonic friend with the great personality. Women, on the other hand, are more prone to letting a guy's personality make him more attractive in her eyes.

 

I'm sorry, but none of this is a head f***. He has been more than clear about the fact that he isn't interested in you. I wouldn't waste my time hoping he'll change his mind. Find someone who is interested... you deserve that.