enchanted771 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 1/2 years. There have been ups and downs alot of them because of how different we are. He's small town boy, very old fashioned, and alot of hillbilly tendencies. Don't mean to stereotype him but don't know how else to explain it. We had tried living together but it didn't go we'll so we lived apart and separated from each other. We managed to work things out and he just moved back. We fixed up the apartment to look all nice, etc but he is deathly afraid of getting lost in NYC after the subway. I can't hold his hand and take him to job interviews! Now he's not being affectionate at all in fact, he's more affectionate to my son. He says he talks to me so what do I want him to do. No affection at all, hasn't touched me in anyway in 2 days. There's no passion/romance between us I feel like we're 90 year old couple and he seems to think its acceptable. I am a dreamer, and he tells me love don't pay the bills. He had asked me to help him send out resumes which is fine, but what's the point of he can't even get there?? I cook for him, make surges there's house in the food, etc but I feel there's no love. He doesn't see it that way at all. I don't think I'm being needy here. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Honestly, I think the minute you stop being the girlfriend and become Mommy, it's dead. Link to comment
enchanted771 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Share Posted March 17, 2013 Yeah guess so. We're both in our late 30's Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 I agree with Agent. He's an adult who seems to be very comfortable with having no responsibilities. That said, if he's unable, or refuses to make his own decisions at this point, it's doubtful anything will change. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Before you came along who helped feed him? I also would be careful about prolonging a relationship in which your son is getting attached. I would have one or two more discussions with him and then seriously consider moving on. It is so disappointing, I know. Sorry. Link to comment
enchanted771 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Share Posted March 17, 2013 Probably his mommy lol. He gets all defensive when I try to talk to him. And acts like he's done so much for me and how I'm never happy. How could any woman be happy around him??? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Probably his mommy lol. He gets all defensive when I try to talk to him. And acts like he's done so much for me and how I'm never happy. How could any woman be happy around him??? Because there are many different kinds of women. None of your concern. All that matters is if it works for you. Link to comment
BlueEagle Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Maybe he's not as affectionate as you'd like because he's unemployed? That can zap a lot of self-esteem and energy from a man when he can't provide. It does sound, though, that he is having a hard time adjusting to big city life in NYC but he's going to have to do more on his own to show he can navigate the city successfully and be able to get to a potential job. How long has he lived there? I can see if it's relatively recent but if he's been there 1.5 years then that's a lot of time for adjustment. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 From what I've read of your threads on the bf, there seems to be many signs of incompatibility. You mentioned before you two are very different. Maybe it is as simple as that. Does he expect you to play mommy to him or are you doing that of your own volition? I'm sure he knows how to cook a mean steak if he is a genuine hill william. joking, but my point is, I'm sure he knows how to self subsist - just maybe not on the terms you are looking for. ? Same goes for his affection and way of living - I understood what he was saying perfectly, as I have heard that mentality many times before. An emphasis on family, being home, meeting responsibilities, and keeping life simple. Putting a country guy in NYC is especially difficult I would think because NYC is not very vehicle friendly - and without a job right now, he can't afford the option of driving anyways. I grew up in 'the country' and if you don't have a vehicle, you are screwed!, so people get rather attached to their vehicles. Just trying to present a different perspective. That he isn't necessarily a man-child, but a different sort of man than what is right for you. And if you two have trouble communicating and understanding those differences, all the more difficulty in navigating them. You mentioned a child involved. So in a way, you are already a family. It's time to knuckle down and figure out if this can work for you, IMO. Like Batya mentioned, the more attached the child becomes and also he becomes to the child, the harder it will be down the line if you two decide it can't work. good luck. Link to comment
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