Wait or Give up??....after broken engagement

[sniper12]

I am going through a broken engagement that scheduled to happen in 5 months. She left me because she says the constant need for me to be more affectionate during the relationship was just too much. She said she realized that she was trying to change me and doesnt blame me. She just wants to be 100% happy instead of 70%.

I was totally shocked with this news. I keep telling her, "All I needed was for you to tell me the level of affection that you needed and I would have done it." I admit, she mentioned the

topic several times, but never the severity of it.

 

Not only is my engagement over, but she has accepted a great job 4 hours away from me. We broke up 3 weeks ago and she is moving out completely tomorrow. Her thinking is that she needs time to be alone and date and find herself. She has never, ever acted this way with me before which is why I am so devastated. She says 90% of her wants to be move on and the other 10% wants to work things out.

 

She has also told me that she has met a guy that she has been confiding in for a couple of months now. "A friend" that has made her realize that she can be happier. Now, it has grown to more of someone she might date. As a Psychology major, I know that she is in the "honeymoon" stage with this guy and not even our 6 years of being together and owning a home can snap her out of it. This guy must know everything I did wrong with her and use it to do everything the right way. Plus, she is being very cold and unattached to me. Cant take it anymore because I dont know this side of her. She wont look me in the eyes when we talk about us. When I force her to, she cries uncontrollably.

 

My dilemma is...Should I wait? Date myself? Have contact with her while she is in new city, starts new job, while she is dating? I can't deal with her dating someone else. My fear is, I keep in contact with her while she is dating and it backfires. She will have best of both worlds...

 

In my head, I have given myself two months. If by end of May, she still wants to date, I'm

done(of course I'm not telling her this). I want to let the process to run its course without her having a deadline...but there really is.

 

I will use these two months to "find myself as well." Just dont want to give up after 6 years together and months away from marriage.

 

HELP!!!!

[CocoaBean]

I wish I had great advice. Keep your chin up. Find yourself. Keeping a journal of my feelings has helped me decide that I want to fight for my ex. I am aware of the sacrifice, but decided that for me it is worth it. Look deep inside yourself and you will find what is best for you.

[Sportster2005]

Sorry this might sound harsh but there is nothing to give up on. She has moved on. You should do what's best for you. I encourage you to go no contact and work about setting your life on a new better path.

[Mercator]

Hi there. I know exactely how you feel. My finacée and partner of almost 7 years has left me for another 2 1/2 months ago. I know the distance and the coldness you're describing and I know how horrible it is to see this in the person you love. That said, I'd say that two months are not enough time for her to reconsider (if she's going to reconsider at all. Unfortunately, there is a very real possibility that she won't). Things like that take time.

 

I can't give you advice, as I'm still in the same situation and I don't know what is going to happen. i just wanted you to know you're not alone and we can get through it, one way or another. If you'd like to talk to someone who's in the same place feel free to pm me.