Any hard core No Contact Success Stories???

[QuestionHeart]

Wondering if anyone has ever had some super great experience with NC. Like a story where the guy returns out of nowhere with a ring in his pocket and declarations of mad love...??

[fabact]

I wish I could say yes but NC is usually a way to end the relationship for good. people like to use it to try and have the other person come back. thats really really hard bc feelings tend to fade, and people turn to others to fill their void. most people think nc helps you move on and heal. and it usually does . but what no contact usually does is END any kidn of relationship with the person. Im not a big fan of it if youre trying to save the relationship...

[Moontiger]

NC is not for getting someone back, its to heal yourself. Successful NC means that in time you are completely over your ex and have moved on with your life.

[QuestionHeart]

oh........

[Minnie Mouse]

As a dumper who ended a relationship ( and then my boyfriend went no contact on me and has been for the last two years ) I've been thinking about him ever since and I have some possible regrets, so no contact definitely does seem to work, that's all I can add

 

No actually...by the way, I do have a story...a boyfriend I was crazy about once cheated on me with the mother of his children while I was seeing him ( his mum told me ) after that I went no contact and about two years later he suddenly got in touch with me and asked me to come back and run off with him to go and live in his house in France with him so yes, it can work

[beaton]

Nope, we were NC from the day we broke up, a year later he married someone else and I ended up with someone else way better...and now I'm trying to go NC with the latest one. 3rd times a charm, hopefully.

[In the Dark]

I'm gong to take this approach from the 'white knight' perspective.

 

Judging by the views, many people who were dumped and did the no contact thing were expecting to have their 'roaming' ex to come to their senses and apologize for their own misguided judgement.

 

The truth is, No contact allows your ex to get around with other people while you wallow in your pain and suffering, which eventually allows you to move on due to the amount of pain you suffer while your ex is enjoying the high life with their new found bit.

For wanting, to knowing, to hurt, to anger, to potentially hate and resent, to indifference.

The catch comes in when they reach too high and their new found bit ends up ditching them for someone better and your ex remembers you, where feelings are of comfort and safety.

 

This is the chance where you become top of the board.

Your true care for their well-being is of importance to them and what they give to you which is affection and the appearance of wanting to be with you is enough for you.

The thing is, you are just a cushion for the blow they took for reaching too high and they will drop you like a hot rock when they go out and find someone who they deem better than you because you are not good enough for them.

 

Sure it is upsetting but that's the fact of life when someone you love is reaching for something more than what you can give.

[markie6]

I think in order to set your mind at ease you need to fully understand what NC is really about. What you are focussing on ( either intentionaly or otherwise ) is a possible side effect of NC

 

Sadly people focus on the possible side effect , ie the ex missing you and coming back as a result. Sure it's possible, but then it's possible they might come back anyway, regardless of any course of action you undertake.

 

NC is to get you back, to heal up and get yourself away from the sources of pain , stop making things worse for yourself ( pushing, chasing , making a fool of yourself , interfering in their new relationship etc etc)

 

Now none of us are time travellers or mind readers so we won't know in advance whether NC will or won't bring them scurrying back to us. However , if we have worked on us and they return we will have given ourselves the best chance possible of anything happening again. For the vast majority, over means over for good. That is the default position the dumpee finds themselves in , what they must at least try and acknowledge. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst is a good motto

 

 

As ITD has eloquently said above, and I can confirm, there are times when an ex will attempt to reconnect but more often than not it isn't for reconcilliation and can often happen when they have had a similar experience ( dumped, life trauma , regrets .. etc etc) they might use you to feed their ego , give them comfort and some times they are only after friendship. If you're not properly healed then these will be trying times.

 

NC is to heal and get you back. Sure there are success stories (I have had ex's come back for me after long periods of time) and if you want to have some positive thoughts to cling to in times of despair, nobody can tell you , you don't have a chance.

 

In the mean time, a you heal , do your best to improve yourself, make some stories to be able to tell people, goals achieved , happiness attained and if a time comes in the future and somebody wants another chance, then make an informed decision what to do about it, if it happens. Try not to have your focus on that happening with any degree of uncertainty as it can end up like limbo

 

Only the ex can bring the ex back, there are no sure fire ways to make that happen and if there were, would you want somebody to come back who didn't truly want to be with you ?

 

Good luck

[823freckles]

Markie,

 

Thanks for your post. My ex just contacted me and I'm very confused about it all, but it's nice to see you post reassurance that I am doing the right thing by trying to focus on myself right now. Thanks.

[mhowe]

Wondering if anyone has ever had some super great experience with NC. Like a story where the guy returns out of nowhere with a ring in his pocket and declarations of mad love...??

 

Check the movie listings -- not in reality.

[ReturnToSender]

After my first serious relationship where I was dumped for another woman I was devastated and did all the begging, crying and pleading. (Basically all the mistakes in the book). Then I came accross NC and decided for the sake of my sanity to try it and day after day got easier until all the pain was gone. It took me about two months to recover and return to reality I felt better than ever and I was glad the relationship was over. I was able to look at the relationship for an outside perspective and was glad I dodged this bullet. I was begging and pleading to a man that has cheated on me for weeks so in the long run everything worked out for me.

 

However...

 

5 months after the break up and NC he tries to come back into my life and literally shows up at my door with an engagement ring declaring his love apologizing and stating he made the biggest mistake of his life.

 

My response was "for me this was the best mistake you could have made" and I shut the door.

 

He pestered me for a few months begging to take him back but I just kept on with NC.

 

NC is a good healing method but also gives you time to see the relationship in a different light so IF they do ever come back you'll truly know if you want to try again as it won’t be a decision made on raw emotions. However using NC to try to get someone back is a NO NO use it to heal and move on.