social issues

[Slow Club]

This thread is prompted by my loneliness and feeling of awkwardness after a social gathering at the pub. I know it's partly because I didn't know a lot of the people I was with which makes me feel very awkward but after coming home I just felt so depressed. I'm not entirely sure why.

 

It might be to do with the lack of social acceptance and frustration at my complete ineptness at socialising. I'm not really sure what to say because it's difficult to describe the emotion I'm feeling. But it definitely stems from the fact that I was totally an awkward turtle today and wish I had more close friends to make me feel more comfortable.

 

Maybe some decent questions will help me explain things better...

[Feleretai]

I might be projecting here, but sometimes when I get socially awkward in groups it's because I feel like I can't say what I'm actually thinking. So I ask you this: are you willing to fight? If you've got the will to fight, (not pick a fight but fight to defend your views) you can say what you're really thinking. It doesn't mean you've got to be a **** but you can ask questions outside of the normal "hey what do you do, hows your job BS". A lot of people appreciate real conversation, but some people take extreme offense when they're caught by a question they weren't expecting.

[Slow Club]

Im not usually one to be shy about projecting my views but when you're with people you've just met it's not always appropriate.

 

I too hate all the small talk BS. Nobody ever talks about anything meaningful these days. But again, talking about deep stuff like theory and philosophy just isnt appropriate.

 

I'd just be better at general fun chit chat which I'm not always. It depends what mood I'm in.

 

I think it's also because I'm very judgemental of people until I get to know them better. I often pigeon-hole people into groups. I think it's my way of trying to understand people without actually talking to them. I'm weird like that.

[Slow Club]

Also, most of them are work colleagues. I don't have a strictly professional relationship with them, in fact I quite like them but it just felt a bit weird interacting with them in a more social environment.

[ExcitedtoSleep]

I would not say that I am poor in social settings, because I am able to add humor to conversations and joke around with people, but I know the feeling that you are talking about.

 

Sometimes, I go about the day keeping to myself, yet, for no reason in particular, feeling slightly lonely. To combat that feeling, I may join a group of friends in a social activity. My thought is that, if I just get along with some other people, I will not feel lonely anymore. However, that lonely feeling never seems to go away. It does not matter whom I hang out with.

 

I think that the depression is caused by reality setting in- when you become aware that you cannot change who you are.

 

I am not an extroverted person, so I do not flourish simply from being around others.

 

I am truly most satisfied when I am by myself. The realization of that fact is a bit depressing in itself.

[El0t]

It's just part of being an individual. The fact that you were in a place where you did not know anybody particularly well and felt that they had nothing interesting to offer in terms of conversation would lead to awkward and depressed feelings for just about anyone. My best advice is to not let it get you down that you don't fit right in with that particular group of people and instead seek the company of people that do interest you that you can have conversations with naturally.

When you say that topics like philosophy etc, just aren't appropriate, it is within the context of the group of people you are with. True, it is not typical for the average person to converse about these types of things, but once you find the right individual people or group of people it will not present as much of a problem.

[Slow Club]

Thanks tkyjohnson, I think a lot of what you said rings true. Part of it is definitely feeling like I don't fit in. Which makes me think, I really don't fit in with many people at all.

[emma34]

Just remember that just because you may not fit in now, doesn't mean you can't. With cliques fitting in in a group setting is something that happens all the time....for example...there is a guy on one of my sports teams who never talks...he always shows up for games and comes for drinks after, and his girlfriend will come out too, but he never talks. I don't know much about what he thinks about things or what he likes...but after a few years, he is part of the gang, and I couldn't see us not inviting him out...plus i would consider him a friend. Just keep trying...it's frustrating being in these situations but it will get easier.

[Slow Club]

yeah, I get what you mean. The thing is, I enjoy being a little bit different and some ways more difficult to know. But it'd be a lot more bearable if I had at least one really close friend to call upon when needed.