I snooped on my exes FB and he has a new GF

[Robin2904]

I know I know I shouldn't have. I'm so angry at myself for this. I don't even GO on FB anymore, maybe once every month or 2 to check on my news feed and thsts it. He isnt even a FB friend but yes I snooped. And I saw her comment his picture and he called her 'boo' which he used to call me. I looked at her page and her default is of him and her. It eats at me that she was in his apartment, no doubt in his bed. It makes me sick. Though part of me knows they would work out because she id literally on the other side of the country from him I just don't see it working out. But still it killed me. I literally don't know how to feel. I walked away about 2 months ago, because we had been on and off for too long. We would come out of each others lives for a long time. reconnect and then he wouldn't fully want to recommit to me. This has been going on for 2+ years. I understand we have a complicated history and that's why he didn't want to jump into things with me but it KILLS me how he could just jump in with this girl. Granted like I said she lives on the other side of the country and I honestly doubt it will last but it still was so hard to see.

 

I had a bad panic attach tonight and took one of my mothers xananx and I feel numb. I also dumbly texted him and kind of poored my heard out to him and asked to talk and I could tell though he was nice he really didn't want to. I asked him if he ever missed us and he told me he missed times we had together...which cut deep. And he was like 'Can we talk tomorrow? I'm waiting on another call' which Im sure was his GF and I texted after and just said sorry and I would leave him alone. I feel like an IDIOT. And so low right now. Part of me wants to crawl into a hole and die. I haven't been this upset since our original break up. I don't know how to deal with this aside from popping xanax and passing out. I feel I made a mistake in walking away this time too soon. I feel like I blew things and this is it. But I honestly DON'T want this to be it. I don't. As much as I tell myself I do, I don't. but It doesn't seen like there is any hope and that he is commited to this girl now. I want to literally die tonight....

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Robin,

I'm so surprised that you haven't gotten together with somebody else. You are so cute and have so much going for you. This guy has hurt you over and over again. It isn't co-incidence that this girl lives so far away from him - he doesn't do relationships - he can't. He is not committed to her - he will do the same with her as he has kept doing with you.

 

I don't think you walked away too soon or that you blew it by walking away.

 

Please, Please, Please - go out with other men. There are better ones than him about. Surely you have been out with other guys. What has been wrong with them or why hasn't it worked out? I'm so sure you are meant to be with somebody who will treat you better. XXXX

[stranger88]

With what was said above, I agree completely. The guy is a commitment phobe, he will be no different to anyone else.

 

A word of the wise to anyone else that reads this page, this is why you do not stalk your ex online. You remove them from every social media form you possibly can, you don't stalk their facebook, you don't stalk their twitter.

 

Why? Because deep down you are still making your happiness reliant on them. For instance if you view their page and see they are miserable then you feel satisfied and happy, but if you see they are living life and moving on with things you feel insanely down and it brings your recovery back to stage 0. Never do it. No good will come of it. It can only bring you misery.

[Ms Darcy]

Agree with the others. I do not want to call him a commitment phobe though because if he marries in the next couple of years I think you will have a meltdown. Most important is that this guy has not been into you for the past two years. He just used you when he felt lonely. Not healthy.

 

I would implore you to find natural methods to deal with pain ... meditation, yoga, exercise, sleep, social activities.

[Stay_home]

Facebook is the devil.

 

Because by design it keeps you in the loop of everyone else's business. See, sometimes it's not good to know everything. And by snooping on your ex boyfriend's page you were asking for it. You were looking for something wrong, out of place or unusual and that's what you got. You're only hurting yourself when you do that.

[Mike80]

Robin is that you in the pic? If so....wow. No disrespect intended, but youre hot lol. You should have no trouble finding another. His loss, big time.

 

Agreed with 2 Sided Coin. Facebook is a place of pain and agony. I willfully avoid it as much as possible, and I NEVER check my ex's page.

[allison2777]

agreed with mike80, however for all we know your ex was hideous but it doesnt stop the emotional attachment you have for him. Honeslty the more you have him out of your sight, then you will have hom out of your mind. The focus will slowly start to go to other things in your life. And yeah its hard to get over that somehwere in the world your ex is having a good time with somone else but its the easieset distraction for him right now. Would it make a difference if your ex said he loved you, missed you ect. cut said straight out I DONT WANT TO BE WITH YOU?? You need to take his actions as him saying this very loud and clear to you. If he wanted you he would of tried with you again. You have to go through the desert before you reach the promise land. The question is how long are ouy going to wonder for. Remember theres people out there that have broken up with tom cruise and ashton kutcher!! But they move on! They dont sulk and cry cause they were mega hot movie stars, they just go to the next guy!!! Good luck

[amy37]

Hi Robin,

 

remember why you left him, he didn't want to commit. I doubt if you had stayed with him he would have given you what you truly want in a relationship. I doubt he'll commit to her. You did the right thing chasing after what you want out of a relationship. Im proud of you. Many people wouldn't have the strength to do what you did.

 

Stay strong, best of wishes.

[Robin2904]

Thank you all. Today I feel like a jerk, but I feel like i could cry at any given moment and i hate it. I made SUCH a fool of myself last night by texting and calling him. After the last few texts to basically say sorry he read them but never replied. I don't even have any idea what I said to him because I erased all my texts and I was kind of high on anxiety meds. But willing to bet I said some DUMB stuff. I want to crawl into a hole and DIE of embarassment. Pretty sure I said to him 'I feel like a crazy ex girlfriend right now' um YES, yes I sure acted like one. I did tell him i was drunk so I guess that somewhat makes up for it. OMG I can't even put into words how stupid I feel but what do I want to do again? Text him and say sorry. UGH but I won't.

 

I just don't want to feel like this. Yes my ex IS a commitmentphobe. He is a serial dater, he's dated girls long distance before, like suuuuper long distance, some of which hes never met- because he's a lonley guy. I was also long distance for him but just a few hours a way and did see him regularly. It just kind of kills me how only 2 months ago he told me he wasn't sure he wanted to give up single life and wasn't ready to be in a relationship with me....but then he gets into one with this girl. He did this SAME thing to me right after we broke up in 2011 but I wanted to work on things but he gave me the whole 'Oh I don't know, I'm scared to try again' blah blah and then I found out less then 2 months later he was dating someone new. That KILLED me, more then this time did because I guess I'm a little numb but killed me none the less.

 

I cried to my mom last night and she actually said maybe its ME. Maybe I'm the one he is afraid to commit to because I have hurt him and walked away so many times and yes most of the walking away had been done by me (for good reasons though) but maybe he seems its easier to start fresh with someone he doesn't really have a history with and doesn't have a fear of. I don't know.

 

Thank you for all the replies. I can't believe I broke rule NUMBER ONE- don't go on facebook!! I lived by this rule for a LONG time and if I would have just blocked him last year when we had our last go around this ALL wouldn't have happened. Because the only reason we reconnected in November was because he messaged me on FB...if he was blocked he couldn't do that.

 

I'm just so broken. The thought of this girl in his apartment, in his bed, him calling her 'boo' I literally want to throw up. I wonder if he gave her the Christmas presents he gave me that I left at his place because we called things off that weekend....probably because that's the kind of idiot he is. And another thing, about 2 weeks ago his mom called my cell phone randomly after almost 2 months of not speaking to her. It sounded important so I called her bk the next day and heard NOTHING from her. I wonder if he found out and yelled at her and told her he had a GF and to leave me alone. IDK.But I wish if I was going to just cut them out that she would leave me be too. Its TOO hard to be in touch with even her. That dug up a lot of memories the past few weeks and made me miss him more. I had been debating texting him for a while before this. Ugh

 

Thank you all. Going to crawl back into my hole in fetal position...

[Robin2904]

I sent a text just now just to say ;look I'm rlly sorry for what I said last night, I was extremely drunk and I have no idea what I even said. Never drinking and texting again when I have a rough day lol. Very sorry and I will officially leave you alone now.' And he read it and no reply. He def hates and and probably thinks I'm insane. Goody! It hurts me he doesn't even care at all about me after everything we went through....very painful

[Mike80]

You know texting him is a bad idea, hon. Just like women dont like guys who look needy and act clingy, guys are the same way with chicks.

 

Ill tell you one effect youre having on him by texting....youre gassing his head up big time. Now he can tell his boys, "maaaan, look at these texts. Robin is jockin me hard. I could have her anytime I want." And they all share a laugh on your behalf. Youre too good looking to subject yourself to this pain. Be strong and try not to text him ever again.

[Robin2904]

Thank you I feel so so stupid. I feel like he probably thinking I'm pathetic and annoying and he pitties me. I just couldn't help myself. I keep thinking maybe if I would have reached out to him sooner we could have worked on things. Even though I KNOW walking away probably was the best thing, I don't want this to be the end in my heart. I literally feel like it's two years ago all over again. I feel the worst I've felt since the original break up in Winter of 2011. I can't get it out of my head he's moved on with someone else. Is it horrible that I want it to fail with them? When looking at her FB I noticed somethines- they had been 'online' friends for a while, I saw a comment from waaay back in 2011. It reminded me of him and I because we were long time online friends. What if this goes somewhere? What if they DO last long term. Your right, if he were to get married GOD help me I don't know what I would do. I think I would lose what tiny tiny shard of myself I hang onto and probably end my life- not joking. I have a big codependency on him that I can NOT break. He is dependent on having someone there, a relationship. I used to think it was ME, but now I realize it is with ANYONE. And I am dependent on HIM. Not just anyone but HIM. I feel maybe I should have told him how much I wanted things to work with him this time more, or given more of myself but how much more can I give? I'm literally DEAD inside. DEAD DEAD DEAD.

[Ms Darcy]

I think the picture is of Taylor Swift folks.

 

Why make such an effort to call him a commitmentphobe and yet still keep hoping things will work out with him? In that way, it does make you sound emotionally unavailable yoursef - pursuing someone you know won't stick with you.

[Robin2904]

Yes the picture IS Taylor Swift I probably should have clarified that lol.

 

And I am probably emotionally unavailable. I have so many issues. That's why I would never get involved with someone now, though there have been others I've talked to- but I am not emotionally available because I am so hung up on my ex still.

[Robin2904]

I think I am going to see if I can find a therapist next week because I am on the verge of a very bad break down. I see it coming and I fear for my safety.