Exactly matching libido

[Computer Geek]

How rare is it to get into a relationship with someone and have an exactly matching libido? One thing I'll say about my ex that I know I'll miss is that we had perfect sexual chemistry -- we both could effortlessly turn each other on and were totally on the same wavelength as far as how to spice things up and get each other to climax. As much as it pains me to think of her with the guy she left me for, at least I know there is a good chance she will be thinking of me.

[ayami]

Wishful thinking! She moved on and so should you. She is with someone else and there is no reason why you shouldnt be either.

[Computer Geek]

I'm asking if it is common to encounter exactly matching libido. The Healing After Breakup forum is that way -> .

[ExcitedtoSleep]

I'm asking if it is common to encounter exactly matching libido. The Healing After Breakup forum is that way -> ]

 

I did not realize that the Internet moved laterally.

 

Anyway, I doubt that there is a statistic on this sort of thing. How often do you desire sex? I think that your sexual compatibility would be dependent upon the answer to that question.

[EssexMan]

I don't think it's hugely uncommon for couples to be very compatible sexually. Whether that's why they're couples, or whether they become compatible because they're couples, or whether the chances of any random two people being compatible are actually reasonably high, I couldn't say.

[quirky]

Not that common in my experience but I don't want to disappoint you, might not be the case for you. Keep moving forward you just don't know what lies ahead.

[Computer Geek]

I did not realize that the Internet moved laterally.

 

Anyway, I doubt that there is a statistic on this sort if thing. How often do you desire sex? I think that your sexual compatibility would be dependent upon the answer to that question.

 

A response that completely ignores the question from the title of the thread which is inside the Sex and Romance forum is not what I was expecting.

 

I've known a lot of couples who are slightly out of sync as far as drive goes, and some very far out of sync. Of course, compromise is important which is why it's not critical to have matching libido. On the other hand, I do wonder how often others encounter this.

[EssexMan]

Well, I guess the other aspect of it is...would you really know if your sexual characters were slightly out of sync?

 

I mean, if there was a huge mismatch, I'm sure it would be obvious. There's a thread right at the moment from a woman who wants a lot of sex and is having problems with a bf who hardly wants any at all, for example.

 

But if it was just little differences, the likelihood is you'd both adjust without thinking about it. After all, one of the reasons that sex is different with different people surely is precisely that: you're adjusting what you do and how you do it to their particular sexual character and the way it inter-relates with yours, even though you're not doing that on a conscious and deliberate level.

 

So, you might be in a relationship where there was, say, a 90% "match"; your sex life would be pretty good and you wouldn't really stop to consider the theoretically "unmatched" 10%.

[ExcitedtoSleep]

Computer Geek,

 

Who was the person to initiate sex most often in the relationship? Was it you every time? Was it her every time?

[Computer Geek]

So, you might be in a relationship where there was, say, a 90% "match"; your sex life would be pretty good and you wouldn't really stop to consider the theoretically "unmatched" 10%.

 

Good point. I guess if every time you initiated you weren't turned down and vice versa there is a good chance that you were in sync. This assumes of course that your partner is willing to initiate when the opportunity presents itself if they so desire.

[Computer Geek]

Computer Geek,

 

Who was the person to initiate sex most often in the relationship? Was it you every time? Was it her every time?

 

It was pretty even. She would say and do all the right things at the right time and so would I.

[ExcitedtoSleep]

The thing is, there are some people who want sex all of the time and others who are ready for sex at any time.

 

Even if you did not match perfectly with someone as far as wanting sex, you may still be compatible. There are so many variables in the equation of sex that it would be impossible to match two people "perfectly."

 

Like EssexMan said, a minute difference between two individuals may make zero difference at all when it comes to actually having sex in the relationship.

[EssexMan]

The thing is, there are some people who want sex all of the time and others who are ready for sex at any time.

 

Exactly. I think in most relationships I've had, my partner has wanted more sex than me. But that doesn't mean I've been unwilling or unable to respond to their initiation, or not enjoyed it. Just that I would have been content with less, but they probably wouldn't have been.

 

It's a bit like chocolate. You may not be sitting there thinking "need chocolate! must have chocolate!"; you may not be sufficiently motivated to go to the store and buy a bar. But if somebody offers you some, chances are you take it and appreciate it.

[Computer Geek]

Then to me those are matching libidos. Ultimately it's being able to do something to trigger your partner's sex drive and get the motor going. Someone of course has to initiate even if both are thinking about it. If for whatever reason one person is simply not interested at that moment and it takes a sufficiently long time to be receptive then their drives are out of sync. Sometimes things happen and people get out of sync, but I'm talking in general during the relationship as a whole.

 

I suppose when it is looked at that way then there is a lot of room for people to have matching libidos as the complicating factor becomes the desire for each to initiate. As long as both are perfectly fine initiating when they fancy then you can have total assurance that their drives are equal assuming nobody turns it down. I know that all my friends relationships did not have a matching libido as quite often one person was not in the mood at the same time, with the girls typically having a higher desire (though it's probably because of my age bracket).

[EssexMan]

I think it's important, though, that nobody should feel guilty about turning it down now and again - or rejected if they're turned down. Sometimes, you really do have a headache.

[ExcitedtoSleep]

Sometimes, you really do have a headache.

 

Well, you are going straight to worst-case scenario right there.

[EssexMan]

Well, you are going straight to worst-case scenario right there.

 

Well, it happens! Sex isn't totally separate from the rest of life. People are unwell, they're stressed by work, they're tired, there's some sensational news story unfolding on the TV that they're really glued to...

[Flywest29]

How rare is it to get into a relationship with someone and have an exactly matching libido? One thing I'll say about my ex that I know I'll miss is that we had perfect sexual chemistry -- we both could effortlessly turn each other on and were totally on the same wavelength as far as how to spice things up and get each other to climax. As much as it pains me to think of her with the guy she left me for, at least I know there is a good chance she will be thinking of me.

 

Impossible

[SapphireNoir10]

Exactly matching. Probably not. Your not both going to want it and not want it at the exact same time. A similar libido. That's more likely.

[itsallgrand]

I think having exactly matching libidos isn't really possible, but it is possible for two people to have really compatible sex drives and styles and to also have a balance in their relationship where they don't see each other so much that there is a lot of sex being turned down.

[PaintWithLight]

How rare is it to get into a relationship with someone and have an exactly matching libido? One thing I'll say about my ex that I know I'll miss is that we had perfect sexual chemistry -- we both could effortlessly turn each other on and were totally on the same wavelength as far as how to spice things up and get each other to climax. As much as it pains me to think of her with the guy she left me for, at least I know there is a good chance she will be thinking of me.

 

All you have to go on is your opinion...and her honesty. There could be a chance that things were not quite so in sync. In every relationship, one side will occasionally go along with sex even if they are not 100% in the mood.

 

In answer to your question, I think it is very rare to find exact compatibility. If thinking that she will wistfully look back on her sexual encounters brings a smile to your face, then go for it. But she is not with you for a reason and with a new guy for other reasons. Perhaps there is no comparison between these sexual experiences and she views them as completely different worlds.