Defriended my ex on facebook, is this rude?

[stranger88]

We broke up 4 days ago. She dumped me although I must admit I had been having similar thoughts, we discussed it, it was agreed upon, there was no beggining or crying any of that, we just said 'ok we'll do this' as it wasn't working.

 

However, I left her on facebook and today I stupidly opened her page out of a stalk (hoping to find nothing). There were other dudes liking her stuff and posting fairly interested esq comments on her statuses so I just had a small fit about it and defriended her.

 

As to be honest, seeing the other dudes posting on her stuff within a week of us separating was particularly painful. However now I feel slightly guilty about it and like its saying "**** you" to her or something.

 

Neither of us have communicated since the breakup discussion.

[zep]

No this is really common I'm sure she isn't surprised at all. Normal 'manners' don't really apply to breakups and exes.

 

I defriended my ex and he defriended my entire family. They don't care, he's my ex, they understand. It's just how these things go.

[Droplet]

I don't think it's rude.

 

Right now, you need to focus on yourself and solely on yourself.

 

Don't send a "sorry I defriended you on FB" message out of fear because she will think you are pathetic and weak.

 

Stick to your decision, be friendly if she reaches out to you ( she probably will after a while if she sees you don't contact her ) but don't act out of fear.

[stranger88]

I don't think it's rude.

 

Right now, you need to focus on yourself and solely on yourself.

 

Don't send a "sorry I defriended you on FB" message out of fear because she will think you are pathetic and weak.

 

Stick to your decision, be friendly if she reaches out to you ( she probably will after a while if she sees you don't contact her ) but don't act out of fear.

 

Thanks guys.

 

Things like this make it easier to slip into the beta-esq mindframe of pleasing another person, a trap that is oh too easy. I'm often surprised that despite being through this so many times I still feel myself wallowing over the breakup, even if I was certain I wouldn't.

[SapphireNoir10]

I always deleted and blocked my exes so I couldn't look at their pages. It's so much easier to get over them when you don't know every detail of their lives.

[Edmund Exley]

She didnt think it rude to dump you.

[annie24]

No not rude at all!

[stranger88]

Since everyone is giving good advice here.

 

What is the typical contact situation following an amicable breakup in which no name calling or disagreeing occurs? I really can't say ive ever really been in one were people just go "Ok cool" after a conversation and separate. I'm still hurting quite a decent amount even though I think it was the 'right' thing to do. We had a brief discussion about it and it was kind of left. I know not to seek closure as you never really get any. It did seem quite abrupt.

 

I was going to drop her stuff back to her room mates when she was at work one day, but she hasn't contacted me and we havn't discussed it. As its her stuff and I was the one who got left I didn't really feel I needed to contact her about it or anything?

 

I'm just not sure will really happen from this point in, it could be a 'never heard from one another' again situation.

[annie24]

I think that's a good plan. Just leave the stuff with her roommates while she is at work.

[surfjon]

Weird how a dumper just tries to "drift away" while keeping some odd sort of control over who they dumped.

 

I was with this girl 5 years, and she just drifts out of my life.

 

Facebook will kill you slowly, as soon as she did the "Not sure what I want, but it isnt romantic"....I realized I had been dumped, sent messages to mutual friends that we weren't together. I immediately defriended her and her girlfriends, and deactivated my account for a while. If I want to go back, I can and won't see any of her crap or dudes, etc......

[elfstone]

Not rude. It's a part of moving on. And believe me, you are better off not knowing what is going on in her life.

[nutbrownhare]

I blocked my ex at the first available opportunity. Best thing I could have done.

[zep]

I had an ex where there was an amiable breakup with no contact after. Well, there was a few arrangements made over email, but I never spoke or saw him again. I don't know, as you said the drifting apart happened before the actual breakup. I think in cases like that you say everything you need to say before the actual breakup happens.

[stranger88]

I had an ex where there was an amiable breakup with no contact after. Well, there was a few arrangements made over email, but I never spoke or saw him again. I don't know, as you said the drifting apart happened before the actual breakup. I think in cases like that you say everything you need to say before the actual breakup happens.

 

Oh yeah for sure. There was a few 'test' breakup discussions leading up to the actual event. I must admit though, for someone who was so insanely keen on me about a month prior the end event she was extremely uncaring and a bit 'coy' about the whole thing. I feel a bit embarrassed even writing about this (despite it being anonymous) because I was very frustrated with her too and wanted out. But I this is just a part of dealing with it for me... and boredom.

 

I find it very curious you have that never contact style situation, through nearly all of my relationships there has been some form of contact. I guess i'm kind of curious if i'll hear from the girl, I don't know why. It won't help or fix anything. It will probably even cause trouble, but I think thats just normal breakup feelings.

[ivywall]

No, not at all rude. And it's really best for you. Studies have shown (Really, people studied this) that social networks, and keeping up on your ex's stuff, makes it harder to move on. The converse of that is of course staying hooked in while you still have that connection. It's for the best, truly. I haven't been my ex's friend on FB for months and months now, and recently blocked her account because I didn't want to see her pop up in my feed anymore with mutual friends. If I had had access to what she was doing the last months, it would have been torture for me. Not rude, and a wise choice.