She told me I took her for granted?!

[MrSparks]

I recently broke up with my gf about a month a go, but as me and her tried to be friends she told me that I took her for granted and that is the reason why she left.

 

I'm a guy, 24 years old and a college student near my end years of engineering. She was a freshmen born and raised in colombia. During our relationship of 6-8 months, I became very busy. Right now I'm essentially developing an fMRI and take 2 lab courses that require a lot of hw. The time that I dated her was roughly as busy. I had a set schedule where I would go to school for 3 hours and study for 5-7 everyday. And if I got ahead I would make time to visit her. She was in walking distance of my apartment as things were good. Time was short though, so much so that for every extra minute I spent with her was an extra minute I was staying up trying to make sure I had my homework done. She didn't have that problem so she was always free to talk and wanted to visit a lot. I spend most of my free time with her, to the point that I didn't hangout with my friends much because i knew she would be upset if we didn't have any couple time. I took her out to movies and other dates and paid because she didn't have extra spending cash so we were never really bored. I texted her daily, too much sometimes because it would delay my school work. She ended up flunking out of college and we tried to continue the relationship but time constraints got worse, then adding travel time when I needed to be in lab to test my circuitry out, just wasn't going to happen.

 

Later on, after our break up she tells me I didn't really care for her and took her for granted. That I never spent time with her and that I never texted her. I just feel frustrated because I'm stressed from late study nights, trying to get all the advanced calculus involved with my field and then having to deal with texting, movies, date nights, and making sure she gets to see me at least 10 hours a week for her to be happy.

 

I feel like she's being unreasonable and she was asking too much. She knew I was busy, she watched me spend my nights coding in the embedded circuits labratory trying to work my project and she some how felt I was ignoring her when she saw how busy I was and how many sleepless nights I had to suffer because she wanted to cuddle. I made sure I was healthy and alert for my classes so I would get up and leave when the allotted time I prescribed was up.

 

What else was I supposed to do?

[daddids]

Nothing mate, I really do not think you did something wrong or neglected. I know how you feel because I was pretty much in your shoes couple of years back. I was in college doing hw and a dissertation ( last year ), getting my drivers license, going to the gym, hanging with my buddies and yet I found some time for my ( then ) gf. It was not enough but it was the best I could do. Well obviously she wanted to spend more time together but I could not make it happen.

 

There is no way for her to understand how you feel unless she goes through a similar situation.

What I do not want from you is to think it was your fault and feel guilty.

[gardnergirl2]

Hi! Not saying you are in the wrong, but just from a woman's perspective, she just felt unimportant. Not always, but as a general rule, women do " feel" neglected if you have time for every thing else under the sun but not them. You truly were very busy, and I know just speaking from my perspective, not all womens, if we never see you, seldom hear from you, it starts to feel lonely. I don't want someone in my face all the time, but at ths age in my life, I do want to " feel" ( there is that pesky word again like I am an important part of his life. Women and our darn feelings, as a general rule, are more acute than men's. I am sure some will disagree with me, but I think she just felt unimportant. Going through the same thing right now with a man I have been seeing. He has time for everything and wants me to tag along, but there is never time for he and I to have a real date. I understand it logically, but it's still something I would like.

[ThatwasThen]

What else was I supposed to do?

I think the only thing left for you to do is stop being her friend completely, go no contact and be glad she's out of your life. She flunked out of college, son. She hasn't the ambition you have and she's a princess who whines when you're trying to accomplish a life goal. Pfffft. Time to wipe that portion of your life you spent with her clean, concentrate on getting your degree and then look for someone mature, who can pay for their own crap somethimes and who understands devotion in order to succeed.. this girl aint her.

 

I'll add that you gave her time when you could, you put her first for that and you didn't neglect her for everything else under the sun. She's just incapable of not having 100 % of your attention.

 

Whats with being friends now? Do you mean FWB?

[Ms Darcy]

I think you both have a point. Basically, you two are incompatible and your needs do not align. I would do your best to stop trying to be friends and move on.

[MrSparks]

I have talked to her a little bit to resolve some things and then she started to talk to me more and more. It started to get the point where she was talking me as if we were in a relationship. If since cut her off and told her that we can't do thing like that anymore.

 

When we were together I texted her so much that we ran out of things to talk about and I know she told me that I never talked to her. I told her that I couldn't really much about that. I used to write novels for fun so I wrote a short story for her over text in my spare time. After around page 17 I just got busy. Sometimes I just feel like there isn't a problem I can't fix but I've been in a relationship before where the girl demanded next to nothing in comparison but she slept over so I was always around her.

 

I do feel frustrated that I did all of this and her response was "Not enough". I feel as if I just had more time I could have made it right and she would have felt comfortable enough that I could be busy and that the relationship would have been OK.

[Mike80]

Your future is more important, and you realized that. Sometimes women understand it too, and they do want you to succeed, but they cant help but feel neglected anyways. Such a paradox. You didnt do anything wrong.

[Ms Darcy]

I do feel frustrated that I did all of this and her response was "Not enough". I feel as if I just had more time I could have made it right and she would have felt comfortable enough that I could be busy and that the relationship would have been OK.

 

Again, it sounds like you two were not on the same page. You cannot fix incompatibility.