BehindBrownEyes Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 Any advice that anyone can give is much appreciated. I am so very confused right now and nothing seems to make this feeling go away. I was with my ex for about 3 1/2 years. He broke up with me once after a year or so together, didn't talk for a couple months and then we got back together before both of us started school on opposite sides of the country. I even flew cross country twice to see him. This year for school we were much closer together, and I thought things were going to be great. We spent our summer together and it was amazing, especially after spending the school year thousands of miles away. When school started, things got harder. He wasn't happy in his new place. I told him that things would get easier...I went to visit him, hundreds of miles away several times...even surprising him once. He always said the nicest things to me...he loved me so much, and I fell more in love with him every day. Even after being together so long, he was everything to me. Then about two weekends ago, we spent the weekend together at home. We argued a little, but in the end he still was the same loving boyfriend. He made comments about about he was the luckiest guy. He said he loved me. We left to go back to our respective homes, and I thought things were fine. Somehow, on the phone early the next week he blurted out that he wanted to take a break...I was in complete shock. In the previous weeks we talked about taking a break, but things were going well so that wasn't even on my mind. I didn't know what to think. The next day I asked him what a break was, what do I do? He said treat it as if we are not together....and from that we were broken up. I went a week without contact and I thought things were getting a little easier. He wrote me an email that was so impersonal...it was just a short note. Right now I am taking care of his two ferrets and it always seems to be whats most on his mind...or at least that is his excuse for contacting me is..."How are the ferrets?" I was so mad that he acted in the email like he didn't know me...he signed it sincerely and all he asked about me was how I was holding up. So I didn't write him back, and was proud of myself for holding up the NC. Then, just last night none of my roommates were home and I suddenly broke down unexpectantly and cried and cried. I just sat on the edge of my bed. Then I heard someone sign online...so I looked and it was him. He is rarely online...so I thought it was strange, and I talked to him although I knew I shouldn't have. The first thing he asked "How are the ferrets?"!! He ended up making me feel worse. I also noticed, when he first signed on his screen name said something about 'what was I thinking when I let you go". Is this false hope? He changed it before he started talking to me. Then, when we talked I felt as if he was putting on a front of being happy and he was so right in his decision. I feel that any progress I have made in the past week has been erased. He told me that we would talk closer to Thanksgiving...because of the ferrets I am pretty much going to have to see him or at least talk to him. Mostly....I am just completely hurt, confused, and angry. I don't understand how someone can love someone and tell them nice things and have plans with someone then throw them aside and not speak to them...and be okay with it. Even in the weeks before he broke up with me we would talk about plans that we had together for when we were done with school. It seems like it came from no where. Now he says that he is happy without me...I don't know how he can say that. I always did everything I could to make him happy. In the past, he has had issues trusting me...and we both agreed that there was always a little part of him that I could never reach. Me, on the other hand, trusted him completely. I gave myself to him entirely. He was always the one afraid of getting hurt, yet somehow has always been the one to hurt me. I told him that he has that part of himself now, untouched by me. I would imagine that would make things easier. I feel so betrayed. I don't know what to do. In a way, I am looking forward to being able to do things entirely for myself. To travel, and not worry about him getting mad at me when things in his life are rough. It just isn't fair. I am also scared. I can't imagine myself ever being as close to anyone the way we were. It was our first love. I can't imagine anyone ever amazing me the way he would or saying such sweet words to me. I don't know how to let go. I just think of all the plans we had together...how I always envisioned my future with him. I think no contact is what would really help, but I have to see or at least make arrangements with him in a couple weeks. Anything anyone can off to me would be appreciated. Thanks. Quote Link to comment
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