What shall I do here?

[tuatara]

I'll try to keep this as brief as possible...

 

My roommate's (girl), best friend woke me up one night at 2am and asked me to come to town with her, so I thought yolo why not. We ended up hooking, she stayed at mine. We hung out most of the next day, it was really nice.

 

We went out on a second date a week later, hung out at a bar chatting for 4 hours, I went back to hers, went to breakfast in the morning, it was a lot of fun, we got on amazingly.

 

I asked her out on a third date, she said she no cant do this, she doesn't want to make things complicated between all of "us".

 

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Here are the complications:

 

1. My flatmate is her best friend so it's kinda weird that we are hooking up.

2. I hooked up with my flatmate a few months ago (she now has a bf), so that adds an extra bit of weirdness.

3. This new girl is my recent exs hairdresser.

4. This girl liked this guy in another city, and was expecting to see him the weekend she hooked up with me, but he never showed. Initially I thought it was rebound thing for her, but the amount of affection and kind words she was giving me on the 2nd date, made me think it could be otherwise.

 

 

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When she told me she couldn't do this, I said "fine no worries I had a feeling it was trouble to start with.", even though I did really start to like her.

 

4 days later she messaged me asking how I was, just general chit chat. I left the conversation with "p.s you are missing on so much trouble that could of been caused". She responded with "Haha am I just.. Maybe you can persuade me to change my mind.."

 

This is the part I don't know how to respond with or how to take it...

 

Any ideas how I can persuade her?

[oldenoughtoknow]

Maybe your roommate eventually told her she wasn't comfortable with the new situation? Regardless, she teased you about "persuading" her, so go for it. I would take charge - call her up and tell her when and where you're going out again. If she's on the fence, it's your job to yank her onto your side.

[smiley00]

Go with what your heart tells you is right She sounds like she likes you but doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Maybe chat with her again in person about how each person you mentioned would be affected, how you could talk to them about it, and avoid hurting any feelings. But in the end it is about you and her

[MikNomis]

Just give it another shot and if if she continues to reject you while saying otherwise then forget about it..

[tuatara]

So the thing is, last time I took charge and said "we are doing x on friday" she said she couldn't do "this" anymore.

 

I do want to give it another shot, i am confident she is interested, but I don't know how to go about it differently this time.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Well, begging isn't going to get you anywhere. Confidence, as it does in most cases, will work.

 

You've seen this in movies before. You certainly don't want to bark a drill sergeant order at her. You're firm, but calm. Confident. Say I want to take you to X on X at X o'clock. Like, this is what we're going to do. If she balks, just tell her don't worry, you've thought it over and everything is going to be fine. If she still balks, tell her no problem, you'll talk about her concerns on the date. If she still refuses, walk away - and know it's for good.

 

When a woman is vacillating, your confidence is the only thing that will win her over. Trust me, it's your only shot in a situation like this.

[Klokwurk]

Sounds to me she just likes to flirt, use people.

[tuatara]

Who doesn't like to flirt? Everyone can be tamed