A 22 year old guy, a 16 year old girl. What do you really think?

[MrHeman]

I don't exactly feel comfortable coming here or really even acknowledging this idea in anyway, but I keep having this idea scratch at the back of my mind...and well might as well get it out to strangers. Here we go.

 

I'm 22 and in college. The title already has given away the ending of this story. There's a 16 year old girl, legal in my state, but that's not the point. The story: I met this one girl about a year and a half ago. This girl was 21 at the time and we clicked so well that she became my best friend after a few months. I've always had feelings for this girl but nothing ever became of them. At the time we were introduced, she was dating and is currently dating this one guy. This is the guy that she told me she plans on marrying. I have had a lot of shallow friendships and she was one of my first true friends, so she became like a sister to me. She eventual introduced me to two more influential people in my life. Her brother and her 16 year old sister. Her brother followed in the same vein and became like a brother to me. Helping me out and advising me along the way. The younger sister was intriguing. Every now and then I would be hanging out with her siblings and she'd come on out with them. The times we did hangout the two of us would sit in the corner at a get together and catch up. We'd tune out the world and a half hour could fly by easily before we looked at the clock.

 

Several different events have occurred since meeting where I noticed the younger sister might have a crush on me. Not in love with me, just she might have a crush on me. I started toying with this idea in my head of "she's going to grow up soon". What if we really could end up together? This family of these two sisters and this brother were like my family; we were all so close. I mean how great would it be if we could have that Christmas dinner where we all are actually family. I toyed with the idea kind of as a joke to myself (other people do that right?...maybe not...I DIGRESS). It was never serious at all just a "wouldn't it be neat if" scenario: a fantasy up there with becoming a big name celebrity, or a screenwriter with a Joss Whedon like following, or some politician changing the world.

 

So anyways, she wants to become an actress, and I'm studying theater. We started messaging each other back and forth about different shows or advice on what to do here or there. I became more and more comfortable talking with her on a one on one setting. We've even seen a movie once with just the two of us. All is well and good until one day something kind of scary happens. I start to notice she's actually kind of cute and not in the "like a little sister" way that I had viewed her before.

 

Now, I told this long story to ask you this. What do you actually think if a 22 year old guy started pursuing a 16 year old girl for a non-sexual relationship? I'm still a virgin and have never kissed a girl so let me make it clear that anything that could put me in jail is well off the table until she's 18.

 

I also feel like I should clarify that I'm not sure if I am really trying to pursue anything. I'm posting more for the fact that this thought keeps coming up like a song stuck in your head that you don't entirely know the words to so it never resolves. I feel like I CANNOT talk about this with my close friends, so this idea keeps bouncing round and round in my head and it gets annoying. Anyways, what are your thoughts? Am I a bit pedo? I feel like a pedophile for even thinking this.

[Ms Darcy]

I think if you are serious about pursuing something wait until she is in college when she is having similar life experiences as you (e.g. when she is 18). You'll feel more like equals.

[Moontiger]

I think if you are serious about pursuing something wait until she is in college when she is having similar life experiences as you (e.g. when she is 18). You'll feel more like equals.

 

Agreed. At 16 her brain is not fully developed. That is why there are laws limiting what children (and she IS a child) can do. And, even is your intention is to no have sex, well have you ever heard the phrase "playing with fire"?

 

Not to mention the amount of crap both of you will get from the out side world if you do that. Don't put yourself or her through that. Just wait it out two years and if you are meant to be then it will happen.

[abitbroken]

I honestly would try to meet new friends and broaden your horizons. The 16 year old will lose her appeal "in that way" if you are able to meet women closer to your age or even slightly older who you find intellectually stimulating. She is a child. I know you say "she's legal" but not in every state - and it won't hold water accross state lines. She and you are in very different worlds being 6 years apart too. I agree, let her get into college and see if she starts to pursue you on her own. But the "family" feeling might get in the way also. Please get some experience going on casual dates (doesn't have to be sex) with women who are closer to your age.

[appies]

it wouldn't work at this poiint you're at differnt stages of your lives. Maybe when she is 18.

[Tetsuo_Shima]

I'm going to speak from experience as when I was 23 I dated a 16 year old girl. I was going through some bad mental crap I hadn't yet dealt with. The first few months were fine because I was in that beginning of relationship glow and it felt nice to be wanted again. But after a few months their maturity, no matter how advanced for their age you thought they were, will start to come out. And often times you will end up arguing with them over values. While you are interested in getting your own place and relaxing, they are talking about cute guys on TV and sneaking out to get wasted under age. While you are trying to be a serious adult, they haven't got a clue what real life is like outside high school. Even if you make it through them coming of age and transitioning in to an adult. They WILL change, who they are at that point in life will be drastically different a year later. They don't yet understand responsibility. Often a teen aged girls idea of love is nothing more then fuzzy tummies and copious amounts of sex. They don't know any different.

 

It's all fun and games at first but that goes away. Eventually they will become entirely different people and you will be wondering what happened to the cute sweet girl you thought you loved. But it never was love my friend. It was insecurity and lust. Take my advice, move on and find someone closer to you age. You will be much happier. I greatly regret that relationship.

In hindsight I should have gone with my gut feeling and left the girl alone. She needs the time to grow in to an adult and you will need someone on the same page as you.

 

during that 2 year relationship I had to fight with my family and friends to try to make it right for them to accept I was dating what ultimately was a child. You will get a bad reputation, your heart is going to get hurt and you are going to lose some friends. It just isn't worth it. not to mention watching them go through the things you did at their age is only going to make you feel OLD. It's a much more different generational gap than you think.

[tatis]

Well...all I can tell you is my own experience. I'm 7 years older than my wife. We have 25 years together now. The only difference compare to you, is cos I found her when I was 27 and she 20. No big problem with our age gap really.

[sneckle]

Well for one thing it seems to be a lot different in other countries,cultures etc and I'm guessing your in the US? Here in Europe its not uncommon,but by no way the norm lol. found myself in the same situation at 23 and i just kept thinking '16 is way to young' but you cant really generalise about 2 people because she could be very mature for her age (like she was) and you,maybe not so (im still not so maybe not best for advice except Iv been in same situation) Basically if she's mature,you like her,actually have a few things in common and you think you could get along then I'd say just go on date but make sure she knows its nothing 'heavy',your just making friends,then see how it goes. It might not even get to a 2nd date but then again you may really hit it off in a big way and be with her in 20 years time hardly a massive age gap,just the 16yr old thing which she won't always be,those saying wait till she's 18,yes in theory but she might be with someone else then,if life doesn't work out the way you want it's not good if you find yourself looking back in 20 years thinking 'what if' . Life is short and fleeting,so take the chances when they happen,you'll know if it 'feels right' or not,so no one can really make the decision for you, if you think it's ok it's ok,if it feels wrong,forget about it an wait for the table to spin again lol.

[Toraann]

My boyfriend and I are 9 years apart. We started dating when I was 17 years old so he was 26 years old (legal where I live). We have a wonderful relationship. I don't want to sound cliche but I wasn't like most girls my age, I was forced to grow up and graduate high school early, I had my own place, paid bills, went to work everyday like a lot of 17 year olds don't. I never went out to drink and have never even been drunk, I didn't have a desire to become drunk. He's always treated me like an equal. I think out relationship is so wonderful because he doesn't act like most 26 year olds. Anywho, my two cents on this is you can wait if you want for her to get more mature but I personally don't think it will make a difference.