Braveheart1 Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Ok here it goes. Been seeing this girl for about 2 weeks now. I've been to her house twice. I invited her over this past week end to spend the week end at my house. That's where I think it got strange. She says she likes to snoop. So in my kitchen, she starts opening my cabinets and checking what's inside and I mean all of them one by one. At first I thought okkkkkk but then my toiletry bag, the back of my car. I'm your average guy and very much open to anything and question, so even if I found it strange that she was doing that, I brushed it off. Fast forward to yesterday, I was at her house. She makes it appear cool but she just put her hand in my pocket and took everything out and checked my receipts. Mind you I have seen her 5 times. jnever gave her any impression of anything, I have been upfront with her about everything that I was not seeing anyone else. Then she did the same to the other pocket. I had a *** moment. But the nice guy that I am, I even took the thngs out of my back pocket and started showing to them even explaning the receipts; most of which were grocery stores or restaurants that me and her have been to. As I was packing my bag ot leave her house. She even opened my toiletry bag and said oh I like to snoop in a joking way. That got a little too creepy for me. I even joke with her afterwards like 'hey want to check the trunk of my car too'? also said that in a joking way. After telling this to 2 of my friends, they were like that's not normal at all for her to be doing these things. When my phone (iphone) does a sound when I receive a text or email, she would say again in a smiling way 'oh who is that' So again nice as I am I tell her; even showed her the text I got. So what do you guys think is the deal here and how to I tackle this? I do like her but it's kinda creepy. Link to comment
becomingkate Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 I think she has a major issue with boundaries and it's going to impact your relationship quite a bit! I can understand looking around, but digging in your pockets for receipts?!! I think that the accusations are going to start next...not sure why I think that, but it seems imminent. Personally, I would walk away while it's still very new and no one gets hurt. Link to comment
LonelyGirl10 Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Yeah, that seems weird to me. I'll sometimes be curious and ask who a text is from. But I'd never go through a guy's pockets. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 She sounds nuts....run! Link to comment
Stay_home Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Something is wrong with her. Link to comment
Braveheart1 Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 I was thinking maybe she is just being cautious but still thinking that it's not ok to go to someone's house the first time and start to open their cabinets. She even opened my closet upstairs and checked it out. I forgot to mention this one. Even opened the door leading to the basement and looked down the stairs. I was on alert of some kind. At first I didn't know what to make of it. But i don't go to someone's house and open their cabinets or anything. I would feel embarassed to do so. I had to ask some friends of mine about that just to make sure I wasnt over reacting. I was even leary to leave her alone downstarids while I went to take a shower upstairs, I was thinking 'what else will she be opening'. I have nothing to hide but it still made me nervous. I have not once opened one of her cabinet at her house without asking her permission (it was the spice cabinet since i was making scrambled eggs) but still felt like it's not my place to be opening any cabinets. Trust issues? But I havent given her anything not to trust me. I treat her respectfully. Link to comment
april15 Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 I like honesty but this is waaaaayyy over the top. This level of snoopiness would become an issue for me I think. Maybe if she just snooped when it did not interfere with normal function, do not make me empty my pockets, do not question my receipts unless there is something crazy in there($400 purchase at a strip club). Even this might be too intrusive since she seems to be snoopy 90% of the time. I tend to think like bebeblondie, Run Forest, RUN! Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 A little bit of snooping is natural enough (you want to learn about the person you're seeing, after all) but going through your pockets crosses the line by quite a distance. I don't think you necessarily have to run right now, because she could just be a nosey person by nature, but be on the watch-out for other signs of odd behaviour, and if she keeps on snooping ask her why she's doing it - what she's looking for - her reply may tell you a lot about what's going on in her mind. Link to comment
Braveheart1 Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 A little more background about her; maybe it would help. She was seeing this guy for over a year and the guy was always wishy washy. In the end, he would be like 'I don't want to do that' then she would give him another chance and it would be ok. They had plan to move to Australia (he is from there with ex wife and kids). So it ended in December for good but she said it has been over for a while. I tried to be the opposite. Reassure her that I mean my words and always have (my best friends and people who know me would vouch for my character). Integrity is key for me. The EX started emailing/texting her over the past few days wanting to make things right etc. SO I outright asked her where she stood and if they were really over. She said yes, I'm not taking him back. So with this in the back of my mind, I'm starting to be pessimistic. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 This is no way to start off a new relationship. Either end it or sit down and ask her straight out why she needs to look through all your stuff. Her answer will tell you if you should put anymore time in on this. Searching you for evidence when you first arrive is so far over any line I an can think of it borders on crazy. I think I would have run away as fast as I can 2 dates ago Lost Link to comment
Braveheart1 Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 This is no way to start off a new relationship. Either end it or sit down and ask her straight out why she needs to look through all your stuff. Her answer will tell you if you should put anymore time in on this. Searching you for evidence when you first arrive is so far over any line I an can think of it borders on crazy. I think I would have run away as fast as I can 2 dates ago Lost That was the first time she came to my house, so before, I had no clue she was like this. Maybe a little bit about the me getting texts etc where she would ask and even look at my phone while I read my emails. But I didn't think anything of this. One of my friend told me that maybe she is suspicious like this because she is doing some shady things and that shady people are always suspicious that someone else is doing the same thing they might be doing? The EX issue she has right now is also in the back of my mind. I think I need to have a talk with her. Christ, it's only been like 2 weeks and we are already having the talk. What a start huh But she did like my big house that has lots of space Link to comment
Braveheart1 Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 Ok not to sound like a teenager here. She told me yesterday and I quote 'I heart you' Now what do I expect or do with that? Link to comment
Heather Dawn Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 I think she has a major issue with boundaries and it's going to impact your relationship quite a bit! I can understand looking around, but digging in your pockets for receipts?!! I think that the accusations are going to start next...not sure why I think that, but it seems imminent. Personally, I would walk away while it's still very new and no one gets hurt. Yeah, she's cray-cray. Get. Out. Now. Link to comment
Braveheart1 Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 Yeah, she's cray-cray. Get. Out. Now. That's the word out there. But now she 'hearts' me she said Acton MA, I used to work there close to Donelan. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Do you see this getting better anytime soon? I have a feeling this girl is pretty attractive or you would have run by now. Funny how much crazy we will tolerate is in direct correlation to how hot they are. Sad but all to often true... Set some boundaries and ler her know what she is doing in unacceptable. Good luck Lost Link to comment
Braveheart1 Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 Do you see this getting better anytime soon? I have a feeling this girl is pretty attractive or you would have run by now. Funny how much crazy we will tolerate is in direct correlation to how hot they are. Sad but all to often true... Set some boundaries and ler her know what she is doing in unacceptable. Good luck Lost She is average looking but from what me and her have talked about, it seemed that we have a lot of future goals in common. It was refreshing to talk to someone who knows where they are going. I've gotten a lot of wishy washy women lately. So the looks part is really secondary here. I'm more into the common core values that we share. Seems that we both have been through similar romantic turmoil so she can relate. That's why this behavior was surprising to me. Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 She sounds extremely insecure. If you're okay with helping her feel more secure, and you like her enough to continue the relationship, then go for it. However. If that's the route you're going to go, you need to sit her down and have a serious convo about how it makes you feel when she treats you this way. It might be okay now, but think six months down the road - won't it hurt a little to be so untrusted, when you've done nothing wrong? If you talk to her about it and she can admit that she has a problem here and asks you for your help with it, that's one thing. Also if she agrees to wean herself off of this behavior, to change. But if she sidesteps or pretends it is justified for her to act this way, I agree with the other posters who said, Get out now. Also, it sounds like she has unresolved issues with the ex. They're still in contact? That's a red flag for me. You need to clear that up quick. Also, she "hearts" you after two weeks . . . That could be how she really thinks she feels, that could be a joking way to say she's grown fond of you, or it could mean nothing. If she really thinks she loves you after two weeks, that points to immaturity on her part for sure. Link to comment
Braveheart1 Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 - I will have a convo with her about the 'snooping' part becasue you guys are right, there must be a reason for this and I don't think it's acceptable. That shows some distrust and we are too early in for that - The EX emails her and skype calls her, googles her. Asking to give him a chance that he screwed up, he will make things right. I point blank asked her if that was over etc. She said i'm not taking him back; we are done. I asked her whether he knows that she is seeing someone now. She said yes he knows. So why is she even keeping him on the skype contact, google etc? - She would say initially 'I like you more than like' then past few days she told me 'i heart you' Her scale is as follows (as she told me) starting with the lowest: 1. Like 2. Really Like 3. Heart 4. Love 5. In Love If that makes any sense. Feels like a teenage drama pff Link to comment
Cherry009 Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 The snooping is in her nature though, so even if you do have a chat with her, she probably still do it but behind your back. Do you feel like you could ever trust her? I would never want to leave someone like her alone in my house! Link to comment
Heather Dawn Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 That's the word out there. But now she 'hearts' me she said Acton MA, I used to work there close to Donelan. No way! On Great Road? That's where I work (the street, not the supermarket). I live here, too. Small world! So, neighbor, leave this crazy woman. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Her scale is as follows (as she told me) starting with the lowest: 1. Like 2. Really Like 3. Heart 4. Love 5. In Love If that makes any sense. Feels like a teenage drama pff I've known a woman in her 40s with a master's degree who used pretty much the same scale. It's a little girlish IMHO but I wouldn't think it indicates anything very problematic, on its own. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 One of my friend told me that maybe she is suspicious like this because she is doing some shady things and that shady people are always suspicious that someone else is doing the same thing they might be doing? It's a possibility, but only a possibility. Yes, people who are cheating or up to no good may suspect others are, too. But people who aren't cheating at all but have been hurt by it in the past, or are just worried about it, may also suspect it to an extreme degree. So, I wouldn't jump to that conclusion about her motives. Assume, in the absence of other evidence, that they are innocent (if strange) - and make the issue you have to deal with the behaviour itself. Link to comment
Furbys Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Someone who is always checking things (when its extremely unnecessary) isn't suddenly going to stop because you have a chat with her. She will continue to snoop. Id leave. All this after two weeks? Your asking for more drama. Link to comment
Braveheart1 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Share Posted February 21, 2013 No way! On Great Road? That's where I work (the street, not the supermarket). I live here, too. Small world! So, neighbor, leave this crazy woman. Yes on Great Rd. I would go through Westford towards the Nashoba ski place to get there. I'm in Andover now She also started becomning a bit strange too these days. The worry I have is because I keep some private files in some of my cabinets. Since I'm the only one who lives there and no one else ever snooped, I don't lock it. But I was just weirded out a bit by the snooping. Talk to one of my best friend and he was like 'what first time at your house and she is snooping? I would escort her to my front door'. It just makes me s bit nervous you know tax documents, check books, financial statements. I was taken by surprise. But since Monday we havent comm8unicated much apart from random emails. When I was at her house Monday she said to me 'my house is your house', how she liked that I kept her company as she was sick. So I do the right thing for these women but they turn crazy on me Link to comment
Braveheart1 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Share Posted February 21, 2013 I've known a woman in her 40s with a master's degree who used pretty much the same scale. It's a little girlish IMHO but I wouldn't think it indicates anything very problematic, on its own. Y es I didnt think anything of this one but it was quick (2 weeks and I saw her like 4 times total) so she hearts me but the EX in the picture doesn't give me the warm and fuzzies. I have noticed these past days that we have barely communicated. She normally would text me more but being very brief; so who knows. Link to comment
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