Broke down sent birthday text, lead to hurt once again but hope at the same time

[ran4it2]

Been broken up for about a month and half now.

 

So my ex's birthday is today, I wished her happy birthday which I told myself I wouldn't. But she did respond and she said Thanks. That was the first time I talked to her in about a week after she hit me up when I was in 2 weeks of NC. Anyways I asked her whats up with us like if she didnt want me to contact her anymore and she didnt reply. So my idiotic self sent another text saying it would be nice if she just told me how she felt and if she wanted me to leave her alone. I said it would make it alot easier for me to move on if I had a definite answer instead of always wondering what shes thinking. She didnt reply. So my dumba$$ once again texts her saying Nothing at all? and she responds "its my birthday dude just leave me alone". She only told me that after I bugged her cause I didn't receive a response back. If she really felt like that she would have told me right away after I asked.

 

I was thinking way too hard for all that. I wasnt even thinking actually. I was planning on not even telling her happy birthday I should have just stuck with that. But I feel like if she really wanted me out of her life she would have told me straight up then and there to not contact her again. I know it must have been annoying having your ex bf drop all this info and a major question on you especially on your BIRTHDAY. I feel dumb. I still care about the girl yet I am also trying to move on. I'm working on myself but it's hard not knowing what she's feeling. We never really talked about it after the BU because I have been reading to just act like you like your moving on and try not to push her away.

 

I'm continuing NC once again in hopes of recovering from this set back. Any and all advice would be appreciated. I dont understand why its so hard for her to tell me how she feels and if she doesn't want me to just tell me to leave her alone.

[gigginstick]

Yea hindsight you shoulda just left it at happy birthday, "thanks". But oh well ya ****ed up, take a few weeks off from her. Let her come to you this time.

[gigginstick]

Also her telling you to leave her alone and calling you dude, was rather rude but thats how she felt, after ya pestered her ya gotta lay off. Sometimes no reply isnt all that bad. Basically just go with what ya know, and not what ya think.

[ran4it2]

haha I know I know. I just let it get to my head that I wasn't gonna be spending time with her on her birthday. (3 year relationship). I feels like its been forever since we broke up but it really hasn't been that long at all.

 

Yea I completely agree. I annoyed her on her birthday of course someone is going to get irritated. I don't know anything that is the problem she never really told me how she felt about all of this and it really bothers me thinking about it sometimes.

[Ms Darcy]

Well don't go NC hoping she'll forget the incident. She knows you are not over her and NC is meant to help you heal.

[ran4it2]

I've been trying my best to heal I was doing soooo good up until she texted me asking me a random question and me trying to spark up a convo. From that day I had to experience valentines day and her birthday within a week. Major set backs indeed. Is that a bad thing that she knows I'm not completely over her Ms Darcy?

[appies]

its only a bad thing if you let it be. This isn't about her anymore, its about you.

[wilyone 11]

Just think how curious she'll be in a few weeks or a month from now when you haven't contacted her. She'll be like what happened to him? Has he moved on already? It can't be! It will drive her crazy. So in a way it's a good thing, this just set her up to go crazy when you do NC in earnest.

[Lochhead]

I'm in the same place as you. We been broken up for about 2 months now, she left me for another man after 3+years. Her birthday and Valentine's day are the same day. Talk about a bad day. It was hard to not wish her happy birthday but I got through it somehow. My birthday was Saturday and I didn't hear from her either.

 

Even though she was rude saying "it's my birthday dude, leave me alone," you got your answer. You texted her multiple times and she didn't respond until you pissed her off. It is hard not knowing if they still care. It sucks when people don't tell you what they want but from what I see, she is showing you by the text you got back and her not replying. You should of had a closure talk when yous broke up but it is to late now. You don't act like you're moving on, you actually do it. NC isn't about getting her back, it's about getting you back.

[alertstatusred]

I don't think you should strive for an answer from her about whether she wants to continue contacting you. Her actions said it all.

[ran4it2]

Yea I went about this all wrong. My good buddy told me that I probably received a straight answer from her if I asked her any other day then her birthday. This was HER day and I came in there trying to get an answer to make ME feel better. I'm an idiot simple as that. I left my emotions control my actions instead of thinking about it from a distant perspective. I know her pretty well and if she genuinely didn't want me in her life what so ever. She would have told me right when I sent her the first message. My friend got the impression she got pissed off from the get go cause I was asking stupid questions on her birthday that she didn't really feel comfortable answering.

 

I just got this overwhelming feeling this morning when I got her response to tell her how I felt while I had a chance. But today was not a good day, not on her birthday..

[nookbridge]

Just relax ran... we all make mistakes, don't beat yourself over it. You've obviously learned that you did the wrong thing (I'm with her not wanting to be bothered on her birthday - I was annoyed by being called by my ex on my birthday, except I knew it was coming and turned off my phone!). I think it might be a microcosm of what happened in the relationship. She has to feel comfortable in opening up, and you wanted to know NOW! It can't always be that way.

[Reflective82]

I still get the feeling you are in denial about things. You are saying how "today was not a good day" and if she didn't want you in her life she would have told you "after the first message." You really need to not contact her again. If she wants to contact you, she will. If she doesn't, you have your answer. I've been there, trust me.

[SoLost12]

Not Ever! Why is it that you need to hear those words from her mouth? It's unfortunate, but many of us would die a very unfufilled life if we waited to have our ex's give us the straight answers we often wished they would. In reality- we usually have to read between the lines & accept what their ACTIONS are over their WORDS- which don't often match.

 

I don't think you're an idiot... at all. I think you're in alot of pain and unable to accept the actuality of what's happened to your relationship right now. Are you really going to try to get a straight answer from her a few weeks from now when it's not her Birthday? Because this is equivalent to you waiting on her to move on. If she says yes, you stick around, If she says no, you don't? What do You want?? And if she changes her mind are you going to go along with whatever she wants then too....?

 

I think the Birthday thing is inconsequential, really. I'm willing to bet she would've answered similarly on any day- and that she won't give you the answer you're looking for. You need to ask yourself why you need this from her? It may be that you want a final blow to force you to move on, or you're wanting more hope to hold onto... but I hope you go easy on yourself, let your emotions play themselves out, they need too for you to move on- but when you get your answer (hopefully from YOU & not HER), your healing will really start to begin. Your head will rule your heart. Even tho that definetly won't stop your heart from crying out... you'll feel better for yourself.

[ran4it2]

Thank you all and Solost you are right about wanting a final blow to keep me move on indefinitely. Everything happened so fast and I just wanted some clarity about the whole situation. I need to stop. I need to accept the fact she is never coming back into in my life and get over it. I was on my road to recovery but these last 7 days have been really rough. Thanks guys

[mhowe]

I don't think you should strive for an answer from her about whether she wants to continue contacting you. Her actions said it all.

 

This post says it all. If someone doesn't answer you, you don't text back and say "why are you answering me" --- especially if you are no longer a couple!!!!

[ran4it2]

This post says it all. If someone doesn't answer you, you don't text back and say "why are you answering me" --- especially if you are no longer a couple!!!!

 

You are completely right. I wasnt thinking clearly. I still feel somewhat attached after being in a 3 yr relationship and living with her for over a year. Stuff like that I would never do with these new girls I talk to but for some reason I dont know why I dont think twice about doing it to her.

[gigginstick]

Man you'll be alright, just lay low for a week or so, if you havent heard from her text her. Just pace yourself. Id just keep going till she drops the big bomb on ya that kills all chances. This here is whats known a race not a sprint.

[ran4it2]

Man you'll be alright, just lay low for a week or so, if you havent heard from her text her. Just pace yourself. Id just keep going till she drops the big bomb on ya that kills all chances. This here is whats known a race not a sprint.

 

Thats what I'm waiting for a big bomb. Theres too much grey area in this BU its confusing as f**k.

[rosasnyder811]

You had no business hounding her like that. It's wonderful that you wanted to wish her a happy birthday, but you should have left it at that.

You are pressuring her, and that pushed her away. If you want to hold out on hope, don't do things that push her away.

Right now you aren't together. So your contact needs to be light and friendly/casual.

"Hey, how are you?" "Hey, are you okay?" Things like that. Casual friendly conversation.

Not "WHATS UP WITH US?" or ANYTHING that pressures her into telling you how she is feeling. That will come if it is supposed to, and if you hound her, then it will never come. It will also not come if you don't give her the opportunity, either. So, going NC is just a mind game. It's a mind game that will cause you to lose her forever, because relationships are not a game.

If you want her back, do the hard work by contacting her, but not hounding her. You had the right idea, just the wrong approach.

 

Someone said that she was rude in her response to you, I think she was right in being that way---it was her birthday. You started off well with a "Happy Birthday, " and she probably thought "hey, cool, he wished me a happy birthday."

Any good thoughts that she had about that were quickly dissapated when you started in with the relationship questions---it showed her that you cared more about you than her at that point. It was her day, not yours.

 

Treat every contact from this day forward as if it is her birthday. Don't be a punching bag, but don't pressure.

[ran4it2]

Wow thank you so much rosasynder811. I agree with everything you said my good friend told me almost exactly the same thing. I wrote it a couple post back. I pushed too hard and I realized that unfortunately its a little too late. Especially on HER day.

 

 

I just don't know if its a good idea that even contact in the first place. Our contact has been VERY limited within the last month. She's very stubborn and I have no idea how to go about this. I will probably be running into her next month at this music festival. I wish I could do the hard work but it seems like every time I try she doesn't seem interested. I dont think a month and a half is very long after a BU. The longest nc was 2 weeks and that is when she asked me a random question and left it at that.

[ran4it2]

Wheres rosasynder811 when you need her?

[Ms Darcy]

She's only stubborn because she's not doing what you want her to do.

 

The relationship is over. I think you need to proceed with that knowledge. Angling to get her back is unwise. She knows you want her. If she wants you, she knows how to find you.