bebeblondie Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 So I had sort of a blind date (we met once about 5 years ago) Sunday night with a guy that I was set up with by my best friend and her husband (he is a good friend of her husband’s). I didn’t really have a good mind set going into this date, because I don’t really like being set up by friends since I feel they meddle too much, and so it usually does not end well. Anyway, I went out with the guy, he was very sweet, a gentleman and nice looking, but I just for some reason didn’t feel the chemistry. The date lasted longer than I would’ve liked, and by the end of the date I was just losing steam, which I guess translated into me acting pretty uninterested. He seemed to be way more interested than I was, since he kept prolonging the date, and asking if he could cook me dinner one night. Finally when I realized he wasn’t going to end this date anytime soon, I told him I was getting pretty tired, and he got the hint and walked me to my car, I told him I had a nice time he said he did too and that was really it. So yesterday morning when I spoke to my best friend, I told her the date was ok (without giving her too much detail) but wasn’t sure I felt chemistry with him. So apparently last night her husband spoke to the guy I went on the date with, and he basically told him he felt like I was really not interested, and he wanted to text me, but was pretty convinced that I really didn’t like him so he didn’t want to annoy me. So my friend’s husband told him that wasn’t true and that I had told them I had a nice time, so he should just text me. The guy told him he wanted to but has been through a lot with women breaking his heart, and he didn’t want to get into a situation like that again, and again said he felt I should text him because leading up to the date he was always the one to contact me. So my friend told me all this and of course I started to feel guilty, and texted him last night thanking him for the date, he responded saying there was no need to thank him, and we went back and forth a bit with small talk, but it was pretty obvious he knew I was sort of forced into texting him. This was confirmed this morning, when I spoke to my friend and told her I texted him, and her answer was “I know, he texted my husband last night saying ‘thanks for telling her to text me’”. I was honestly willing to give it one more shot, since I know first dates can be awkward and people can nervous, but now I feel really guilty about the whole situation and feel like I should’ve just left it alone after the date. Just needed to get this off my chest I guess Link to comment
MapleCanuck Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Hey, you both handled it well. Kudos to him for picking up on your vibe and kudos to you for not stringing him along. Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 You can't help how you feel. I think you did a nice thing sending him a text, regardless of the circumstances. That said, I also see why you don't like dating guys that are setup by these friends. They were already way too involved. And who knows - it sounds like this guy may have gotten a second date if they had just left it alone. There's irony in there somewhere... Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 You can't help how you feel. I think you did a nice thing sending him a text, regardless of the circumstances. That said, I also see why you don't like dating guys that are setup by these friends. They were already way too involved. And who knows - it sounds like this guy may have gotten a second date if they had just left it alone. There's irony in there somewhere... Yes, exactly. I do a lot of online dating so I'm no stranger to blind dates, but these are much less complicated than being set up by friends! Link to comment
sweetpea2000 Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Just because your mates set you up meant you had to like him. Dont worry about it. I think he sounds a bit like a martyr anyway, its hard the dating game putting yourself out there and its added pressure when its through a friend, I really wouldnt worry about anyone it. I wouldnt do anything around acting on your guilt because generally, relationships and feeling sorry for someone dont really mix in the long run. If the spark wasnt there it wasnt there! Just make sure you have a laugh with him when you see him next, he's probably a bit embarrassed by it but then maybe you are too? Dont worry about it, no love lost between friends I would say. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Oh, i feel for you! When i first got divorced, a very good friend of mine set me up on a 'date' with a guy when all i thought i was doing was going to her house for a 4th of July celebration. And it turned out to be me, her, her husband and her husband's best friend. So i was blindsided by a blind date with someone at a time when i had recently separated and was very raw and not the least bit interested in dating. And this guy was probably the most boring guy I have ever met! All he wanted to do was talk sports/football (and i hate spectator sports) wasn't the least bit attractive to me and so totally opposite of me in personality and interests that it was a DISASTER. My friend meant well, but it was really horrible and i tried my best to soldier thru it but i was on the verge of tears the whole time. I think that set me back a few months in terms of healing because it was a HORRIBLE introduction to dating after a breakup. And i was stunned how my friend could ever think that guy would be right for me, but i think she was just beating the bushes for a single guy to try to give me a push back into the dating world again. The guy basically just sat there and grunted while eating chip and dips and spewed out some sports scores and sports facts ... truly a GHASTLY date from any perspective and the last guy i'd have ever picked for ANYONE I knew to date... LOL!! So all you can do is be honest. And friends really should stay out of it rather than trying to push you. They can do an introduction, but if you show no inclination to continue, they need to stay out of it. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 Yea this friend of mine, loves to play matchmaker for me, but what she doesn't realize is that we've been friends over 20 years, and she's tried to set me up numerous times and it never works out, you'd think she'd get the hint! I know she's wanted to set me up with this guy for a couple of years now, but I think her husband was sort of against it (I never knew why, but now I'm guessing it's cause this guy seems pretty sensitive). I also was a bit weary of going on a date with him because he's known to date very beautiful women (and I know I'm attractive, but it's still kinda intimidating). My friend just can't understand why I'm not feeling it with him, because everyone thinks he's such a great catch (which I don't doubt), he's just not a great catch for me. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 Oh jeez, don't think he got the picture...he just texted me. Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Well, the last you heard was "thanks for telling her to text me." Who knows how your best friend's husband replied. Maybe he's having a bit of fun at your expense? Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Well, you might want to go on a second SHORT date... meet him for coffee or something like that. See if you feel any better about it, and if not, then you can say you tried but just weren't feeling it. Then you can send him a more clear text, telling him you think he's a great guy, but you're just not clicking with him so better to not date. Link to comment
rapunzel Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Yes, I agree with lavenderdove. After dating someone I had incredible "chemistry" with on the first date who has now gone AWOL after five seemingly very fun dates, I think I might give a guy I did not feel that "chemistry" for maybe one more chance. Like you, I usually don't go on second dates with men I don't feel it for because I feel like "what's the point?" But it seems that instant chemistry doesn't always last...especially when you are older and everyone has various sorts of baggage. Yet I understand it's difficult to accept a second date with someone you just don't "feel" it for, and then it's even more awkward to reject a guy after a second date. Last fall I went on one date with a guy who was REALLY into me and he was hot on my heels. I remember he texted me that night and I was like, rolling my eyes, "ugh, whatever". I did not go on a second date with him. This last hot chemistry guy I dated emailed me the night of our first date alluding to our second date, and my heart skipped a beat, and I was so excited to see him again that I could barely sleep the night before our second date. It seems like there has to be a middle ground. Yours is more a sticky situation since your friends are involved. You could give it one more short date but if you decide NOT to, it's completely understandable. Yet, after what I just went through, I am more willing to give a guy another shot as sometimes feelings can develop more slowly rather than instant chemistry (which it appears, can blow up in one's face). Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 Yea, im ok with giving it one more shot, since I know people can be nervous on a first date, so your true personality might not really come out. So if he asks to see me one more time, I'll probably give it a shot. Link to comment
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