Sudden breakup - what should I do about Valentines day?

[SleepingBear]

Hello, I've noticed a lot of long essays in this forum and that's fine, but I want to keep your attention as I'm hoping to get lots of replies to this one, therefore I'll be as brief as possible, and use bullet points

 

- Girlfriend and I had been together 14 months.

- She's 25 and lives with her dad.

- I'm 27, and moved back in with my dad after 3 months of relationship because:

- I got fired from my job and have struggled to find anything since.

- We weren't living together when I got fired.

- She hates that I don't work, she thinks I'm not trying to find a job, honestly I'm trying. I'm just picky, I want a career.

- She's always wanted us to live together, she hates that I won't take a menial/non-career job.

- We've argued on and off about this, but it's normally ended up with her saying that she'll love me regardless.

- Recently, she's been short/off with me because I'm not working, she's hardly calling, only meeting up now and again.

- When we do meet up, it's magic, Friday before last we had dinner, told each other how much we loved each other, then had lovely, giggly, happy sex.

- We then got into a texting argument because the sex reminded her how much she wants to live with me and I don't have a job.

- The argument got more and more nasty, and culminated with her telling me to come back to her when I've grown up and found something.

- I'm trying like crazy to find something now! Anything, even a store job.

- She text me saying she wants time apart because we keep arguing and I'm 'going nowhere'.

- She made a passive-aggressive Facebook update about 27 year old men that live with their folks being losers.

- I lost it and called her up and told her I couldn't take any more and she'd taken me for granted the last time.

- That night, I regretted it and drove out to her place to say sorry. She wouldn't see or speak to me.

- Following day got an email saying I'm too immature to look after a woman, and that it's over for good.

 

Now, I'm totally torn up, because just last Friday we were going crazy for one another. It's been a fantastic 14 months, despite the arguing about my career, we've been good together.

 

I've heard nothing from her since the breakup email on Saturday (one week and one day since the wonderful evening out).

 

I didn't reply to the email because I'm choked and don't know what to say.

 

I want to go find her and say I'm sorry, I'm aiming to do so after I lined up a job interview, so I can go to her on Valentines day with a card, flowers, and some good news.

 

...but I'm scared she's done with me for good, after what she said in the email about it being over.

 

Lots of people talk about, this 'No Contact' rule.

I have two questions

 

- Ladies: If you'd been with a man and had a generally good relationship for 14 months, would you miss him after only a week? I was her best friend as well as lovers, most her friends live far away. She spends most her time with her dad.

 

- Should I go for it on Valentines day? Is ignoring her that day going to make things worse?

 

Sorry this is so long! Didn't intend for it to be like this.

Any help appreciated, desperate to get this fixed.

 

THANK YOU.

[MikNomis]

Okay, first of all yes people miss the other person even after just a week. Second, leave her alone valentines day. At best, just tell her happy valentines and that's if you have terrible self control. What you do need to do is find a job, any job. I don't want to hear excuses, just like she didn't want to. I know for a fact you can get A job; you just don't want any of those "lower" jobs. Feel free to look for a job that you want: AFTER getting yourself employed anywhere first and foremost. And THEN talk to your ex.

 

Btw, she was also wrong for calling you a loser. She better apologize for herself as well when you talk to her later or she may not be worth your time.

[tash14]

Hey sleepingbear! i'm new here.. My boyfriend and i just broke up for good..

I can feel your emotions..

I disagree and felt sorry about her not mssing you til a week.. Is she just so busy? Or why not ask her?

I guess,you'll just have to greet her on vday but don't bother on surprising her or what..

[SleepingBear]

Thanks Mik and Tash, I will take your words onboard - and write a detailed reply tomorrow as it's almost 4am here. Look forward to hearing peoples' thoughts when I check tomorrow. I do feel a bit like a loser though, I mean I've had 11 months to find something now.

[wilyone 11]

First of all, she seems really nasty. That's pretty heartless to post something on facebook like that. You need to totally step away from her. She is not treating you respectfully in any way, shape or form and she certainly won't respect you if you go running after her for more abuse.

 

Best thing to do is just go silent on her. Do NOT reward this atrocious behavior by brining her flowers and a card on Valentine's Day. Let her stew and really start missing you.

[tash14]

I agree with you

[tash14]

Nobody's a loser.. And never depend on your luck!

Go find a job that would fit your qualifications.. Don't be too desperate to look for a job that you're over qualified with..

[annie24]

First of all, she seems really nasty. That's pretty heartless to post something on facebook like that. You need to totally step away from her. She is not treating you respectfully in any way, shape or form and she certainly won't respect you if you go running after her for more abuse.

 

Best thing to do is just go silent on her. Do NOT reward this atrocious behavior by brining her flowers and a card on Valentine's Day. Let her stew and really start missing you.

 

yeah, her behavior was repugnant! i don't think you need to date a woman who makes passive aggressive comments on facebook. blah!

 

i would not do anything for her, either on V day or ever again.

[DN]

Agree with the others, she seems a really nasty, selfish piece of work. I also wonder about her motives in insisting you have any sort of job no matter what.

 

It's also very immature of her to call you immature because you wouldn't do what she wanted and it's a shame you were allowing yourself to be manipulated. Don't allow anyone to do that.

[HeartGoesOn]

I find it odd that she's calling you a loser, yet she still lives with her Dad.

[Stay_home]

I say take a 'job' right now so you can make ends meet and look for a career in the meantime. Something is always better than nothing.

 

.....as for your girlfriend, return to sender.

[SpottiOtti]

Nope, don't contact her on V-Day and reward her for her nasty behavior. If she loved you, she would have been more supportive. She owes you an apology, not the other way around.

 

I get you want a career and not a menial job. Good luck with your search. Maybe you could do something sort of part-time and continue to look for a better job, as others have suggested.

[Mike80]

Bro, I got fired from my job too....and let me tell you, that was one of the reasons my ex of 2 years completely flipped the script on me.

 

Women detest guys who lose their jobs. I totally feel you on this one. I wasnt happy at my job and I wanted out. At first she said she understood and was actually happy for me, but then a month later, she tells me I'm irresponsible and this that the third! Women, right?

 

I wouldn't contact her on V-Day. you're subconciously going to be looking for a response that will never come and it'll lead to more sour feelings later on. I would just leave her be, dude.

[pippy longstocking]

agree with the rest of the crew ...

 

it's not you who should be hunting her down and making it all ok ....it should be the other way round ...

 

the facebook thing disgusted me ..honest ..and she says your not nature enough to look after a woman ..she is not mature enough to have a damned computer .

 

and as heart goes on said ..she lives with her dad..its irony at its best here .

 

I tell you now , you go and get a crap job you dont want and pitch up on v day to kiss her ass and you might as well sell your soul to the devil mate .